chapter 5

 

 

The bridge was quiet. Janeway listened to the murmurings of the crew acquiring and confirming information, and the reassuring sounds of various sensors and boards doing their jobs. No alarms. No problems. Nothing to do.

She was bored out of her mind.

A desert planet took up most of the main viewer, turning slowly beneath them. It was not a planet she would normally have looked at twice; it had a pre-warp society on the southern continent and not much to offer in general. Not even shore leave, since the planet’s weather and ecology was not conducive to the enjoyment of most of her crew. She thought Tuvok might appreciate the baking heat, but he was the only one. However, the northern continent boasted some impressive rock formations containing three of the raw materials on B’Elanna’s List, which is why they were in orbit now, planning an away team.

The List, as Janeway called it, was a running tally B’Elanna kept of resources and parts they needed, wanted, or would be wise to stockpile. Whenever the opportunity arose to acquire any of those things, they took it. Life in the Delta Quadrant was too uncertain to do otherwise.

The away team hadn’t yet been assembled. At the moment, she and Chakotay were determining who its members would be.

Janeway decided on one of them.

“Chakotay, I’m going.”

Her first officer looked up from his PADD. “Captain, is that really necessary?” he asked quietly. One thing she could count on with Chakotay, he never questioned her within the hearing of the crew. She thought again. Well, hardly ever.

“That depends,” she said mildly. “Is it necessary to have a captain whose mind is happily occupied and stimulated by a new experience such as rock climbing, as opposed to going stark raving space-happy from boredom? I think yes.”

“Captain,” said Chakotay earnestly. She braced herself for the Speech. “It is not appropriate for the captain of a ship to put herself at unnecessary risk just to keep from being bored. There is no reason for you to be on that planet; B’Elanna and the other engineers can handle the resource extraction just fine.”

“I didn’t say they couldn’t, Chakotay. I just said I was going with them.”

“The planet’s fauna are large, carnivorous and predatory, Kathryn.” She winced at his use of her first name. Now he was getting personal, and she hated that. “You and I just picked six members of security to accompany the away team for protection. This is not a good choice for your mental holiday. Would you want Lynne down there?”

Janeway’s head snapped up and she fixed her first officer with a deadly glare. His eyes widened a bit.

“You just stepped onto a very thin line, Chakotay.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, “but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t protect you. I understand your need to get off this ship now and again, and I promise that when we come to a planet that is not a security risk, I’ll be first in line to wave goodbye to you. But this planet isn’t it.”

Janeway glared at him for a bit longer, then sighed and turned back to the main viewer.

“Your point is taken. I’ll wait this one out. But I’m taking leave the first chance I get, and you’re watching the shop for me.”

“You got it,” he said, relief showing through his voice.

 

 

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The resource extraction went flawlessly, and the away team returned without a hitch. It was a very long and dull six hours for Janeway, however, and she had a lot of time to think while sitting in her bridge chair, chin on fist. The main topic on her mind today was the same one that had occupied her off and on for some time now. When should she ask Lynne to move in with her? She’d been ready to, right before Q sent them to 21^st century Earth, but that experience had been so difficult for her partner that she hadn’t wanted to add any pressure or stress to her life. It had been two months since then, and Lynne seemed to have recovered. Of course, Lynne was very good at keeping her pain inside, try as Janeway might to pull it out. She often wished she could crack those walls and make Lynne let go of her grief, safe in her arms, but it wasn’t something she wanted to force. Someday, hopefully, Lynne would come to her. In the meantime, she had to move forward.

She’d been over the pros and cons thirty times already, and had slowly gotten over her own fear that it was too soon. She was ready. Lynne meant everything to her, and she was tired of dividing their time between her quarters and Lynne’s. It would be so much easier, in a way, to combine their quarters. She knew it would also be harder at first, and that was part of the reason she’d held back in the beginning. But the more time she spent with Lynne, the more certain she was that they would easily sail through the initial difficulties. And what a reward at the end! To have Lynne be there when she got off shift, to hold her or be held by her every night…

“Captain?”

Janeway came back to the present with a jolt, and realized that Chakotay was holding a PADD out to her. Shit. How many times has he already called me?

She nodded and took the PADD, relieved to see no sign of teasing in his eyes. He hadn’t caught her daydreaming, then.

She reviewed the contents of the PADD, signed it, handed it back to Chakotay, and immediately resumed her line of thinking. Lynne seemed to be happy, the ship was traveling through a peaceful sector, and frankly, she was afraid to wait any longer. She had nearly lost her lover once already, and she couldn’t help but think that Lynne’s decision at Earth might have been made more easily if she’d spoken up earlier. No more waiting for the right time, she decided. There might never be one, the way things happened on Voyager. She had to make the time, and she was making it now. Tonight. Tonight she’d do it.

 

 

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Janeway checked her quarters one last time. Candles, wine, music—everything looked good. She smiled, feeling pretty confident that she could include herself in the assessment. She’d taken special care with her appearance this evening, and was looking forward to Lynne’s reaction to her choice of attire. What there was of it, that is. The soft, silken dress clung to her and left very little to the imagination, and she hadn’t bothered with anything underneath it. If all went according to plan, extra clothing would just get in the way.

The door chimed, and her knees nearly buckled under a sudden wave of nervousness. She’d never done this before, and although she was as ready as she’d ever be, still the thought of laying herself so open to rejection was frightening.

Taking a deep breath, she went to the door and keyed it open.

“Hi, love,” said Lynne as she stepped in. “What’s up? Your message said—” She stopped in her tracks, staring at the captain. The heat in her gaze caused a corresponding warmth to move through Janeway’s body. Already she was well repaid for the effort she’d put into her appearance.

“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” Lynne whispered. She moved closer and ran a light finger under the thin strap holding up Janeway’s dress. Bending down, she replaced the finger with warm lips, then nibbled across the exposed collarbone. When she straightened up again, Janeway’s knees were wobbly from a far more pleasant cause than fear.

“Never mind,” murmured Lynne. “I’m not going to ask any questions at all. I’m just going to enjoy this. God, Kathryn, sometimes you’re so beautiful it makes my chest hurt.”

Janeway looked up at the love shining out of those green eyes, and wondered how she had ever gotten so lucky as to find this treasure floating in the Delta Quadrant. She reached up and curled her hand around the back of Lynne’s neck, drawing her head down for a kiss that started out hot and only gained in temperature as it went on. When they parted, both were breathing heavily.

“I love you.” Janeway’s voice was barely more than a breath.

“I love you, too.” Lynne lightly cupped Janeway’s cheek with her palm, and the truth of her statement shone in her eyes.

“I know,” said Janeway. “You gave up everything for me.”

“Only the things I could live without,” said Lynne. “I can’t live without you.”

Janeway was startled at the sudden prick of tears in her eyes. “I wanted to ask you a question.” She laughed shakily. “Actually, I thought I’d get you drunk on cheap wine first, and maybe seduce you, but we seem to have skipped that part.”

Lynne ran a light finger across Janeway’s collarbone, pausing to dip down and brush it lightly across the tops of her breasts. “You seduced me as soon as you put this on. Whatever the question, the answer is yes if this is my reward.”

Janeway closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to let Lynne take her wherever she wanted to go. Maybe she should put off their conversation for just an hour or two longer. Opening her eyes again, she caught Lynne’s gaze and said, “This is your reward regardless of your answer. Do you want it now?”

“God, yes,” breathed Lynne. She looked around the room, spotted the wine glasses, and pulled Janeway over to the table with her. “Let’s put that cheap wine to good use.”

Handing one glass to Janeway, she held her own up. “To a past I’ll never forget, and a future I never dreamed of.”

Janeway nearly lost her composure at that, but held it together with an effort. She raised her glass and said, “To unexpected treasures and great gifts.” They clinked their glasses together and drank. When Janeway put her wineglass down, Lynne picked it up again and moved both glasses to the side. Putting her hands on Janeway’s shoulders, she gently backed her lover up against the table, then leaned down for a heated kiss while her hands brushed Janeway’s dress straps off her shoulders. Pulling back, she paused to look into Janeway’s eyes before lowering her head again. Janeway dropped her head back, exposing her throat to those marvelous, warm lips. Lynne knew all of the right spots for nibbles, licks and an occasional nip. By the time her lips grazed the top of Janeway’s breast, the captain was so aroused that she was having a difficult time standing. Lynne seemed to sense it, however. She wrapped her hands around Janeway’s waist and lifted her onto the table, then slipped her lover’s arms through the straps and pulled the top of the dress down to expose her breasts. For long moments she simply stared, and Janeway began to feel more than a little hot under her gaze. At last Lynne reached over, picked up one of the wine glasses and took a sip. Locking eyes with her lover, she dipped her finger in the wine and brought it, with a single drop hanging from its tip, to Janeway’s mouth. Without breaking their gaze, Janeway drew the finger into her mouth and sucked it clean. She smiled when Lynne closed her eyes, knowing her lover was momentarily overwhelmed. She never had a problem letting Lynne take the lead in their lovemaking, because they both knew that Janeway could usually take back control in a moment. Both of them liked to lead, and both of them lost control with each other on a regular basis. The constant give-and-take was one of the things she enjoyed most about their lovemaking.

Lynne slowly pulled her finger from Janeway’s mouth, dipped it back into the wine, and then deliberately touched the next droplet of wine onto an exposed nipple. This time it was Janeway who closed her eyes at the cool sensation, but they flew open again when warm lips enveloped her nipple. “Oh, god,” she whispered, as she felt Lynne’s tongue swirling around her sensitized skin. A light kiss was planted on the nipple as Lynne pulled away, and the next thing she felt was a cool droplet landing on her other nipple, followed instantly by the warmth of Lynne’s mouth. The gentle play continued for some time, with Lynne apparently happy to keep doing it forever. Finally, though, she pulled back and waited for Janeway to look up and meet her eyes. Without breaking eye contact, Lynne took a mouthful of the wine, leaned down, and wrapped her lips around a nipple. Wine dribbled down Janeway’s breast, but most of it stayed in Lynne’s mouth, along with a now supersensitive nipple that was surrounded first by cool wine, then by a warm tongue. As Lynne pulled away she kept her lips and teeth tight around the nipple, stretching it out to a point just shy of painful and holding it for a moment before letting it go. Taking another mouthful of wine, she turned her attention to the other breast and Janeway was soon writhing under the assault. Lynne knew just how rough she liked it, and had become skilled at taking her right to the edge without ever going too far.

After what seemed like hours of the most exquisite sensations focusing on her breasts, Janeway felt a hand sliding her dress up her thighs. The new touch brought her eyes open, and she reached out to pull Lynne’s head up for a kiss. But Lynne pulled back, gently took her hands away, and placed them back on the table. With another gentle bite to Janeway’s throat, she murmured, “No. This is my reward, remember?”

“I know,” whispered Janeway. “I didn’t think that meant I couldn’t have my reward, too. I want to touch you.”

“Later,” breathed Lynne, kissing Janeway just beneath her jawline. “I just want to focus on you; I don’t want to think about anything else.”

They both watched as Lynne’s hand continued its journey beneath the dress. When her fingers reached the top of Janeway’s thigh, she let them barely brush the curls there, taking advantage of her lover’s sensitized skin. Sure enough, Janeway jumped at the touch, then jumped again when Lynne resumed her caresses. As that area desensitized and her involuntary jerks lessened, Lynne’s touch moved to her folds, barely making contact as she grazed over the skin. Janeway jumped once again, and heard a low chuckle.

“I love it when you do that,” said Lynne.

Janeway just growled, low in her throat. She was ready to get on with it; there was only so much teasing she could take. Apparently her growl got the message across. Lynne placed a hand in the center of Janeway’s chest and gently but firmly pushed her down. As the hard, cool surface of the table met her naked shoulders, Janeway thought briefly about the picture she must be presenting at the moment. Her thoughts were distracted, however, when Lynne took both of her hands and positioned them above her head. “Keep them there,” she whispered, before taking Janeway’s lips in a devastating kiss. Janeway used all her remaining will power to keep from burying her hands in Lynne’s hair while their tongues met. Without breaking the kiss, Lynne cupped a breast with one hand and ran the other down Janeway’s throat, between her breasts, and down her stomach to her thigh. Pushing Janeway’s legs apart, she brushed her fingers back up her inner thighs, caressed the swollen clitoris, then slid down to slowly enter her. The instant feeling of fullness told Janeway that Lynne was using two fingers, and she thrust her hips up, pushing herself against Lynne’s hand. The pressure was an exquisite relief after the relentless buildup, and she groaned with pleasure.

Lynne broke the kiss and pulled back, looking at her lover with hooded eyes. “Do you know how incredibly sexy you look right now?” she asked, pushing her fingers further in.

Janeway clenched her fists and hoped the question was rhetorical, because she was incapable of answering. She looked into deep green eyes, then closed her own as Lynne slowly pulled her fingers back and thrust them in again. “God,” she said, barely recognizing her own voice.

Lynne’s lips brushed one ear and she shivered at the low, sultry tones as her lover said, “Funny how religious you get at times like this. Tell me, Kathryn, how do you want it? Fast and hard?” She pulled her fingers nearly out and then pushed them back in, so firmly that Janeway’s entire body moved. “Or slow and gentle?” Now the fingers curled and moved at a tortuously slow pace, and Lynne added a very light thumb caress to her clitoris.

“Either,” gasped Janeway. “Both. I don’t care. Just do it.”

That low chuckle curled around her again, and Lynne kept up the slow pace, lowering her head and kissing her way up Janeway’s torso before finally arriving at a breast. When she took the nipple in her mouth, Janeway cried out and arched up, blindly seeking to increase that pressure any way she could. Lynne pulled her head back, stretching out the nipple and effectively locking Janeway into her arched position. The captain knew from experience that if she let her body relax and lower, Lynne wouldn’t let go of her nipple. The only way to keep that incredible sensation from turning into pain was to stay right where she was. With her hands over her head and her body locked into an arch, she was totally under Lynne’s control. The knowledge only increased her arousal, and she groaned again. As if she’d been waiting for the cue, Lynne pulled all the way out—but before Janeway could express her displeasure, she felt the fingers reenter, and knew that a third had been added. Now Lynne changed her tempo, thrusting faster and more powerfully, causing Janeway’s body to move with each stroke. The thumb strokes to her clitoris increased in pressure as well, and the combined assault, both mental and physical, soon pushed Janeway over the edge. She thought her back was already arched as high as it could go, but when the orgasm hit her she went up even higher, crying out, before shuddering and collapsing back on the table. Somewhere in all that Lynne had let go of her nipple and was now nuzzling her throat and jaw, murmuring endearments as Janeway gasped for air.

While she was still recovering, Janeway heard Lynne’s voice close in her ear. “Don’t go anywhere, love. I’m not finished with you yet.” She heard a chair move across the floor, and then felt hands on her hips, pulling her back to the edge of the table. Her feet were lifted up and placed on the arms of the chair, and warm lips were soon nuzzling her inner thighs. She rolled her head from side to side, unable to summon the energy to protest. God, she didn’t have another orgasm in her; that last one had taken everything she had.

But slowly, Lynne worked her back up. By the time she felt Lynne’s tongue sliding across her clitoris, her hips were already moving. Lynne was playing the game she loved so well, pulling her head back and using a maddeningly light touch, no matter how hard Janeway tried to increase the pressure. Finally Janeway gave up, letting her body go limp. A moment later fingers entered her as Lynne wrapped her lips around her clitoris and began moving her tongue across it in short, sharp strokes. Instantly Janeway’s hips were grinding, and she nearly splintered the edge of the table with her bare hands as she held on, willing the orgasm to hit and simultaneously not wanting it to end. The intense sensations built up and up, until her back was arched once more and every muscle in her body went rigid as the orgasm roared through her. She trembled and collapsed back onto the table, utterly spent. Dimly she felt herself gathered up in loving arms, then lifted off the table and over to the couch, where she was gently settled on the soft surface. She swallowed and tried to speak, but her voice wasn’t working.

“Shh, just rest,” said Lynne, brushing Janeway’s damp hair away from her face. By now Janeway’s vision was clearing, enough to see the big smile on Lynne’s face. She narrowed her eyes at her partner.

“What?” she croaked.

“Oh, nothing.” Lynne’s smile got even wider, and she continued stroking Janeway’s hair. “Just that I’m thinking we need to install better soundproofing in your walls. That was some scream.”

“I did not scream.”

“Ah, my mistake. That must have been me, then.” Lynne’s eyes sparkled and she leaned forward to kiss Janeway on the jaw.

Janeway closed her eyes and floated for a few moments, then opened them again. “I really screamed?”

“You really did. I’ve never been so proud.” Now Lynne was chuckling, and if Janeway had had any energy left she would have swatted her infuriating partner.

“So why am I on the couch?” she asked instead. “Aren’t you supposed to carry me to bed after such a virtuoso performance?”

Lynne didn’t rise to the bait. “You may be lighter than me, love, but you’re not that light. You’ve got a lot of muscle packed onto that petite frame.” Lynne ran her hands down Janeway’s arms and sides. “Besides, I didn’t spend all that time relaxing you only to have you tense up when I dropped you on the floor.”

“I’m relaxed, all right.” Janeway’s eyes slid shut, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep. She knew she shouldn’t, she still hadn’t talked to Lynne yet, but after all she couldn’t ask a question like that while she was in this condition. No, she’d rather be a little more in control of her faculties; and either she needed to be dressed or Lynne needed to be naked. Her eyes closed again and she was already half asleep when gentle lips touched hers, and Lynne’s voice whispered in her ear.

“Go to sleep, love. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

 

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But when Janeway woke up, it was to an empty room and the annoying chirp of her communicator.

“Bridge to Captain Janeway.”

She sat up, pushing away the blanket that Lynne must have draped over her, and stumbled over to her desk while holding her dress up with one hand. Picking up the communicator, she activated it and growled, “Go ahead.”

“Captain, I’m sorry to disturb you.” It was Harry Kim. “Sensors have detected an ion storm heading our way. It’s a big one, Captain. Really big, and moving fast.”

“I’ll be right there.” Cursing to herself, Janeway stripped off her dress and strode into her bedroom. Lynne was there, sleeping on top of the covers fully clothed. She took a precious few seconds to watch her lover sleep, the sight causing a happy ache in her chest. Then she put her hand on Lynne’s shoulder.

“Lynne.”

Lynne’s eyes opened immediately. She smiled, but the smile slipped as she observed Janeway’s stiff bearing. “What is it?”

“Ion storm coming in. We haven’t had one since you’ve been on board, have we?”

“No, but I’ve read about them.”

“Then you know how dangerous they can be. And this is a big one. I’m sorry, Lynne, I had better plans for the rest of our night than this. But I have to go.”

Lynne nodded. “I’m sure I’ll be called in, too.” She rose up, wrapped her arms around Janeway, and squeezed. “But don’t be sorry,” she said as she pulled back. “I had a great evening.”

Janeway leaned forward, kissed her and then reluctantly stood up. “So did I. But I owe you now, so keep that in mind.”

“I won’t forget, don’t worry.”

Then Janeway was stepping into the hated but very efficient sonic shower, and her mind cleared itself of everything but preparations for the oncoming storm.

 

 

 

 

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Chapter 6

 

 

“Report,” said Janeway as she strode onto the bridge. Harry jumped out of the captain’s chair with a look of relief on his face.

“According to sensors,” he said as he moved to his console, “the storm is 1.3 light years in diameter and moving toward us at warp seven.”

Janeway stood behind him and checked the readings. They weren’t good. The storm was moving too fast; they didn’t have time to go around it. They could outrun it—if she wanted to backtrack the wrong way for several days or even weeks, and stress her engines in the process. There was no telling how long the storm might last.

“How long before it hits?” she asked.

“About forty minutes now.”

She nodded and stepped away, making her decision in the time it took to walk back to her command chair. Activating the ship’s comm in her console, she spoke in a calm voice. “Yellow alert. Senior staff to the bridge. All hands, report to your stations. Secure all stations and prepare for ion storm impact in thirty-five minutes.”

At Harry’s quizzical look, she said, “That way they’ll definitely be ready. Always tell people they have slightly less time than they actually do, Harry, unless it’s critical.” She narrowed her eyes and added, “That advice excludes me, of course.”

“Of course!” Harry said hastily.

Janeway smothered a smile and turned back to the main viewer. Harry’s earnestness made him so much fun to tease.

Within five minutes the remaining senior staff appeared on the bridge, spreading to their positions and calmly assembling information on the coming storm and the ship’s preparedness. Janeway received instant answers to both her questions and her orders. Preparations were going smoothly, and in this brief moment of calm before the storm hit, she sat back and took a moment to appreciate how her bridge crew had grown in the last six years. Harry was still youthful and earnest, but he had matured into a fine bridge officer, calm in an emergency and very skilled at his job. Tom Paris had, for the most part, smoothed out the rocky road he’d been traveling for most of his life; seeming to find a peace and contentment in the Delta Quadrant that had eluded him at home. She wouldn’t want anyone else at the helm in a crunch. Tuvok, of course, hadn’t changed at all, except perhaps to become slightly more tolerant in his interactions with Voyager’s highly unusual crew. And then there was Chakotay. He was solid, dependable, and predictable. She felt confident having him at her back, but had to admit to herself that he hadn’t lived up to her initially high expectations of a Maquis captain. Chakotay lacked the creativity and the initiative that made a good captain a great one. He was always careful, always mindful of his responsibility to the ship. Which was as it should be…but. She shook her head. A captain couldn’t always be careful. Sooner or later, you had to take a chance. So far, the only time she’d seen Chakotay really take a chance was when he was pursuing personal vengeance against Seska. Still, his solidness was often a good complement to her own risk-taking tendencies. They made a good team.

She brought herself back to the moment and studied her console. Five minutes, and the crew would be expecting impact now. She activated the comm.

“This is Captain Janeway. Preparations are complete; well done, everyone. Voyager is pointed into the ion storm, which will lessen the impact, but it’s still going to be a rough ride. Impact in five minutes.”

She sat back in her chair and watched the main viewer, which no longer showed any stars at all, just a vast, swirling storm headed straight for them. Bracing herself, she tightened her grip on the armrests and sent a thought to her beloved ship. Hang in there, old friend. You’ve seen worse, haven’t you? You’ll see us through this.

As if in answer, Voyager shuddered with the impact of the storm’s initial pressure wave. The bow rode up alarmingly, the inertial dampeners scrambling to keep up. Then the bow dropped down and an arrhythmic rocking and bucking set in, punishing both ship and personnel as anything not secured flew through the air and impacted the ceiling, wall or floor. Staff who had no stable chairs to use were clinging to handles and poles that had been designed for this purpose. Still, it was impossible to avoid bumps and bruises, and the longer the storm lasted, the more difficult it was to continue holding on. To lose one’s hold could mean far worse than bruises.

For over an hour the crew held on, and the strain was showing. Janeway was luckier than most, able to brace herself in her chair, but after this much time her muscles were trembling with the effort. She spared a rueful thought for the battle harnesses that had been suggested, several years ago, as an option for the bridge and critical crew. The idea was good, but the harnesses had never been a high enough priority to actually move into the design stage. As soon as this storm was over and they’d repaired any damage, she was going to have a talk with B’Elanna about those priorities.

She was receiving regular updates from Tom, Harry, Tuvok, B’Elanna and the Doctor. They’d had several ruptured bulkheads, a lot of electrical and gel pack damage, a scattering of broken bones and one very serious head injury, and B’Elanna was beginning to sound stressed about the engines. If this storm lasted much longer, a very real possibility existed that Voyager’s engines would not be able to maintain their heading—they were already well past overheating. If they lost the engines, she wouldn’t need to worry about prioritizing battle harnesses, because there’d be no ship to install them on.

The storm lasted another interminable fifteen minutes before sensors reported a lessening of the ionic disturbances. Five minutes later, the constant shuddering and bucking ended, and an eerie silence enveloped the ship, broken only be the insistent sound of various alarms beeping for attention. Janeway slumped back in her chair in relief; her muscles were so strained that she could barely lift a finger. But there was no time to relax; she needed to see what the worst of the damage was. The first concern was the engines; they’d been running too hot for too long and she knew there would be no good news there. Forcing her aching body to move, she sat up again and hit her comm badge.

“Janeway to Engineering.”

“Torres here.”

“B’Elanna, what’s the damage?” She didn’t have to say more. They’d been working together long enough for B’Elanna to know that she wasn’t asking about gel packs or electronics.

“Well, we still have engines, Captain. But the operating temps compromised the magnetic clamps, so we have no warp drive at the moment. I’m starting on repairs now, and I think we’re going to find a lot more broken or compromised parts as we tear into the engines. But I can’t report on that until we get started.”

“The engines are our highest priority, B’Elanna. I want a full report once you’ve assessed the damage. If we need to we’ll pull staff for you.”

“Understood. Torres out.”

Janeway opened the next link. “Janeway to sickbay.” She sighed, knowing that her life had just turned into a never-ending series of damage reports, repairs, and priority assessments. She spared a wistful thought for her interrupted evening with Lynne, and then turned her attention to the Doctor’s rundown of injuries. It was going to be a long night.

 

 

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Four days later, Janeway woke up in her quarters and stretched, enjoying the luxurious feeling of actually being well-rested. She’d been working non-stop since the storm, catching an hour or two of sleep when she could. For the first few days she’d put herself at B’Elanna’s disposal, knocking the rust off her engineering rating and pitching in wherever she was needed. Then it was back to the bridge and her ready room, overseeing other repairs and compiling a depressingly long list of supplies they needed, both to complete repairs and to replenish their stores of gear, components and raw materials. Harry and Seven were now on task, searching for a likely planet that had what they needed and, hopefully, a star-faring culture willing to sell or trade.

In the meantime, she had earned a break. And so, if she wasn’t mistaken, had Lynne. She hadn’t seen her partner since the storm interrupted her carefully planned evening, but she’d checked on her now and again, enough to know that Lynne had worked herself so hard that Tuvok had sent her to her quarters the previous night.

After a leisurely morning spent sipping coffee and updating herself on the ship’s status, Janeway dressed and made her way to Lynne’s quarters. When her chime brought no response, she checked the computer for Lynne’s location and found that she was inside, probably still asleep. Janeway overrode the lock and let herself in. She and Lynne had long ago authorized each other for entry to their quarters, but rarely made use of the privilege.

Walking through the quiet, darkened room, she stopped in the doorway of Lynne’s bedroom and watched the still form sleeping on one side of the bed. Half of the bed was perfectly smooth, a sign of Lynne’s exhaustion—she hadn’t moved during the entire night. Stepping back into the living room, Janeway quietly checked the computer to see what time Lynne had given the lights out order the night before. Ten hours ago. Janeway smiled to herself. Her lover should be well-rested by now; perhaps she ought to wake her up before she slept too long? And then maybe she could tire her out again.

Shucking her boots, Janeway padded back into the bedroom and slowly, carefully climbed onto the bed, straddling her lover. Lynne was nude and had, as usual, pushed the covers down to her waist. She was lying on her side, but it took only a gentle nudge to get her to roll over on her back. For several minutes Janeway indulged herself in simply watching Lynne sleep. Her hair spilled over the pillow in glorious disarray, and her features were relaxed in sleep as they never were when Lynne was awake. Janeway stared at the peaceful face, wondering if Lynne would ever let her truly share the burden she carried. It was always hard to get her lover to admit feelings of pain or loss. The twin topics of Lynne’s decision at Earth and her parents’ Foundation had hardly been touched on since the day after Lynne came back, and Janeway was almost certain that Lynne was still grieving. Yet her attempts to bring up the topics were almost invariably brushed off. One time only had Lynne given any sort of response, and that was just to say that her meditations with Tuvok were helping. Otherwise, Janeway’s efforts to deal with the subject were often followed by a round of lovemaking that effectively put the concerns right out of Janeway’s head. She narrowed her eyes at that thought. For the first time it occurred to her that Lynne was using sex to avoid emotion. Was it subconscious, or intentional? She studied her partner’s sharp features, wishing she could see into the mind behind them; wishing that Lynne would open her mind and emotions as much as she had opened her heart. She gave that thought some consideration and had to wonder:  was she withholding herself as much as Lynne? Was she truly sharing herself, or did she just think she was? Ruefully she admitted that she was probably just as guilty. Why else would it have taken her so long to ask Lynne to move in?

Reaching out to caress Lynne’s face, she whispered, “Someday, sweetheart, I hope you’ll let me in all the way. I really am trying to do the same for you.” She leaned down and kissed Lynne’s cheek, then nibbled a line down her throat to a soft breast. It fascinated her how the nipple responded to her lips and tongue without Lynne’s awareness. Such a strange thing, she thought, the way our bodies react without our knowledge or consent. After bringing one nipple to an alert and hardened state, she switched her attentions to the other one while squeezing the first gently between finger and thumb.

Lynne stirred, and Janeway glanced up to see tension returning to her lover’s face. She sat up and ran the palms of both hands along Lynne’s sides, bringing them back over to cup both breasts and lightly pinch the nipples.

Lynne’s eyes opened, and she looked at Janeway in dazed confusion.

“Kathryn? What…” Her eyes closed again as Janeway’s fingers tightened, and her back arched slightly. “What are you doing here? What time is it?”

Janeway leaned forward, kissed Lynne on the side of her jaw and then moved to her ear to whisper, “Too many questions. Just relax.” A sleepy groan was her answer. Janeway returned her attention to Lynne’s breasts, enjoying the almost illicit thrill of playing with her lover’s body when she wasn’t mentally capable of responding.

After a few minutes, Lynne stirred again and wrapped her arms around Janeway’s back. Her eyes opened, this time much clearer.

“Is this my wake-up call?” she asked, smiling.

Janeway studied Lynne’s face, saying nothing. Lynne’s smile faltered, and she looked concerned. “Kathryn? Is everything all right?”

Janeway didn’t want the thrill to end. She realized, looking at Lynne’s now fully-awake and worried expression, that she wanted total control this time.

“No, everything is not all right,” she said, taking Lynne’s arms and pulling them away from her back. “You will not touch me, do you understand?” She slid Lynne’s hands under her pillow, the action bringing their faces a hairsbreadth apart. Lynne’s eyes widened in comprehension, then narrowed again. Janeway could practically see the wheels turning as her lover decided whether or not she would play the game. She threw a little more fuel on the fire. Closing the distance between them, she nipped at Lynne’s lower lip and then did it again, harder. Raising her head she said, “I owe you, remember? And I’ve had four days to think about how to pay that debt.”

Their eyes locked and for a moment, Janeway thought Lynne would turn her down. But then her lover nodded once, nostrils flaring.

“I’m yours,” she said.

The simple words sent a bolt of heat straight to Janeway’s groin, and she leaned forward, taking Lynne’s lips in a bruising kiss. She felt Lynne’s tongue pushing its way into her mouth and abruptly broke the kiss, sitting up while tightening her grip on Lynne’s wrists.

“No,” she said. “I told you, you will not touch me. That includes your tongue, so don’t try it. Touch me and I leave. Say anything to me unless it’s an answer to my question or command, and I leave. Move any part of your body that I haven’t given you permission to move, and I leave. Do you understand?”

Lynne’s eyes bored into hers, and Janeway could easily read the turmoil of a strong will forcing itself to submit to another. She knew that turmoil well, since she felt it every time Lynne played this game with her. They didn’t do this often; both of them had to be in just the right mood for it to work. And she’d just upped the stakes. Never before had one of them forbidden the other to speak or move. She desperately hoped Lynne was in the right mood this morning.

After a long moment, Lynne nodded again. “I understand,” she said hoarsely.

Yes! Janeway felt the rush of power, and her own arousal soared. “Good,” she said, growling the word. She swung a leg over and stood beside the bed, then slowly pulled the covers the rest of the way off Lynne. Hands on hips, she surveyed the body laid out before her. At forty-four, Lynne had a body that most twenty-somethings could only wish for. She was relentlessly active, working hard and playing harder, and Janeway loved that she got to reap the benefits. She herself was very fit, but not quite so hard-bodied as Lynne. Yet Lynne made her feel like a queen every time they made love. She wanted Lynne to feel the same way.

She moved to the foot of the bed and lightly trailed her fingers along Lynne’s calf and up her thigh.

“Spread your legs,” she said.

After a moment’s hesitation, Lynne complied. Janeway smiled, recognizing the pause for what it was:  a demonstration that the captain didn’t have total control after all. Oh, she was up to this challenge.

“Wider,” she said.

Another pause, and Lynne spread her legs further, the action opening up her center to Janeway’s gaze. She stared at it for a moment, then looked up into Lynne’s face. Without breaking eye contact, she trailed the fingers of one hand along the inside of Lynne’s thigh, barely brushing over the junction of her legs, then moved up her stomach, between her breasts, and ended by closing the hand over Lynne’s throat just firmly enough to feel the pounding pulse in her carotid arteries.

“Don’t think I don’t know the game you’re playing,” she said quietly, staring into defiant eyes. “It would seem that I’m going to have to show you exactly how little control you have. I’m going to enjoy this beautiful body of yours, but if you want to come, you’ll have to beg for it.”

Lynne’s expression changed to outright disbelief, and Janeway chuckled as she turned away. She rummaged through Lynne’s closet and emerged with a silk scarf, which she held out for her partner to see.

“Close your eyes,” she said as she walked back to the bed. She folded the scarf and laid it over Lynne’s eyelids, tucking the ends snugly between her head and the pillow. “Not that I think you’ll cheat and look, because you know if you do—” she put her lips next to Lynne’s ear and whispered the next words, “—I’ll walk out.”

She moved back and leaned against the wall, letting the silence press on her lover’s ears as she indulged herself in a good, long look at the lean body on the bed. Although she had no intention of letting Lynne touch her, part of her wished she could—because the scene before her was arousing in the extreme. Lynne was submitting to her, not because she was physically restrained, but because Janeway had commanded it. To her, that submission of the will was far more exciting than any physical restraint. Lynne felt the same way, and they had never yet explored actual bondage. She wasn’t sure they ever would—though she would rule nothing out.

Quietly, she stepped forward again and very lightly brushed her fingertips along Lynne’s ribs. Lynne jumped in surprise, and Janeway smiled. She pulled her hands back and stood very still. After several minutes she could see Lynne trying, by minute movements of her head, to fix Janeway’s location. She concentrated on breathing slowly, through her mouth, in order to avoid making the slightest noise. At last Lynne appeared to give up, and still Janeway waited. It wasn’t until she saw Lynne’s shoulders slump that she was certain that her lover had truly given up the search. Then she reached out and brushed her fingers along the underside of Lynne’s breast. Lynne jumped again, even higher than the first time, and as soon as she came down Janeway brushed the other breast. This time the jump wasn’t as pronounced, so Janeway shifted tactics. Lowering her head, she nipped Lynne on the pulse point in her throat.

Lynne gasped, throwing her head to one side and dislodging the scarf in the process. Janeway immediately pulled her head back and tucked the scarf in. Moving her lips close to Lynne’s ear, she growled, “I said, don’t move. Was there some part of that you didn’t understand?”

“No.” Lynne’s voice was low.

“I didn’t think so.” Janeway backed off and stood silently, watching. The only sound in the room was Lynne’s harsh breathing, a sign that—together with the flush suffusing her chest—indicated a high level of arousal. Janeway knew that if she slid a finger into her lover’s folds, it would come away wet. That thought immediately took over her brain, so she moved quietly down the bed, reached out and dragged a finger through Lynne’s slick center, rubbing it over the clitoris before pulling away. Lynne’s hips jerked, but she made no sound. Janeway moved back up again and stared down at her lover.

“You’re so wet already,” she whispered. With infinite care, she painted Lynne’s nipples with the moisture on her finger. Then she launched an all-out assault on Lynne’s breasts, sucking hard and nipping at one while squeezing and pinching the other. Lynne writhed under her, groaning, as Janeway switched her mouth from one breast to the other. There was no way Lynne could keep still for this, though Janeway was delighted to see that she was trying.

As suddenly as she had begun, she broke off and stepped back. Lynne’s chest was heaving with her labored breathing, and Janeway enjoyed the view.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” she asked.

Lynne’s head turned slightly toward her, and Janeway noiselessly moved to the foot of the bed before speaking again.

“You work so hard for that incredible body, and the best part is, you don’t do it to look good. It’s just who you are. And you’re giving it all to me.” Lynne’s head straightened again as she focused on Janeway’s voice, and Janeway reached out with both hands to gently run her fingertips down Lynne’s legs, from her hips to her feet. Pulling her hands back, she quietly moved to Lynne’s other side, watching her head carefully. It didn’t move. Janeway leaned forward and spoke into her lover’s ear.

“Aren’t you, Lynne? Giving it all to me?”

After a moment, Lynne nodded.

“I didn’t hear you,” said Janeway, running a light finger down Lynne’s jawline.

“Yes,” said Lynne, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat.

“Do you want me to take what you’re offering?” Janeway’s finger dipped between two soft breasts.

Another pause. “Yes.”

Now she ran her finger down the center of Lynne’s stomach and paused just above the thatch of hair. “How badly do you want it?”

Lynne didn’t answer, and Janeway laughed. “Not quite ready to beg yet, I see. I’d have been disappointed otherwise. This game has just begun, Lynne.” Very slowly, she dragged her finger through Lynne’s folds and pushed it inside. Lynne was drenched, so Janeway pulled her finger out, added two more, and pushed them back in hard. Lynne jerked and cried out, and Janeway continued her hard thrusts while she leaned over and took Lynne’s mouth in a passionate kiss. She felt Lynne’s tongue start to push into her own mouth and then retreat, as her lover obviously remembered her warning. But it was enough for Janeway to pull out and step away. Lynne gave a frustrated cry and then went silent, panting through her open mouth.

“I see you forgot my instructions for a moment,” Janeway commented. A thought struck her and she smiled wickedly.

“It’s obvious that you’re having a hard time not touching, so why don’t you touch yourself?”

No response, and Janeway’s smile grew larger. Her voice, however, was harder and more commanding as she said, “That wasn’t a request. Bring your hands down, Lynne, and show me how you’d like me to touch your breasts.”

A long pause, and then Lynne slowly brought her hands out from under the pillow. She cupped her breasts, then spread her fingers over them and began to gently draw her fingers from the outside in, ending with a light tug on the nipples. She repeated this motion several times while Janeway felt herself grow very wet. She shifted a little, trying to get more comfortable, and saw a tiny smile appear on Lynne’s lips.

Goddammit, she knows she’s turning me on. Janeway put her hands on top of Lynne’s and squeezed with them. Then she arranged them so that Lynne’s hands were covering her breasts, but her nipples were protruding between her fingers.

“Keep them there,” she said, just before lowering her head to lick and suck a nipple and its surrounding fingers. Lynne arched her back and moaned as Janeway continued her ministrations, switching back and forth between breasts. Finally she lifted Lynne’s hands away, replacing them under the pillow, and repeated the motions her lover had shown her. Lynne arched again, pressing her breasts into Janeway’s hands. Janeway let her enjoy the sensations for a few moments longer, then stepped back once more. Lynne dropped back and let out a growl of frustration. Janeway smiled but made no sound, this time waiting for several minutes before moving again. When she next touched her lover, it was to caress her gently, running her fingers lightly all over her body. Not an inch was left untouched, and she made repeated visits to the areas she knew were especially sensitive:  the undersides of Lynne’s breasts, the insides of her elbows and knees, the inner thighs, the pulse points in her throat. She circled close to Lynne’s nipples and her clitoris, but never touched them. Lynne’s body became taut as her arousal climbed, and when Janeway finally climbed onto the bed and slid her tongue along the soft inner folds at Lynne’s center, her lover shuddered and let out a cry that Janeway was pretty sure could be heard in the hall outside.

Now the torture began in earnest. They’d been lovers long enough for Janeway to know all the signs of impending orgasm, and she used her tongue and fingers to repeatedly bring Lynne right to the brink, only to back off and spend long minutes caressing her partner’s body, paying close attention to the sensitive areas to keep Lynne’s arousal high.

Finally, the fourth or fifth time that Janeway detected the first shudders of orgasm and pulled away, Lynne snapped.

“Kathryn!” she shouted, her voice nearly a sob. “For Christ’s sake, just do it! Please!”

Janeway couldn’t resist proving her power. Putting her lips next to Lynne’s ear, she said, “Are you begging me to let you come?”

“God, yes! Please!” Lynne was beyond caring now.

Janeway pulled the scarf off Lynne’s face and watched as her lover blinked, adjusting to the light. When Lynne’s eyes cleared and focused on her, Janeway said, “Don’t close your eyes for anything. I want to see you when you come.”

She renewed her stroking, expertly hitting the magical spot that sent Lynne over the edge every time. Using a very light touch, she once again built Lynne up and held her there, never breaking eye contact for a moment. She could see the effort Lynne was making to keep her eyes open, and smiled encouragingly. Then Lynne’s jaw and neck went taut, her muscles strained, and her eyes started to close.

“Look at me,” Janeway said, and Lynne’s eyes snapped open again. She came with a long, keening cry, and Janeway thought she’d never experienced anything so intimate as their eye contact at that moment of ultimate surrender. As the shudders racked Lynne’s body, Janeway said, “You’re released.”

Lynne’s head fell back and her eyes closed, her body twitching with the aftershocks. Her breathing was harsh and ragged, her skin slick with sweat. Janeway lowered herself on top of her lover, allowing full body contact for the first time. Lynne brought her arms out from under her pillow and wrapped them around Janeway, giving her a feeble squeeze before her arms fell limply to the mattress. Not wanting to crush her weakened lover, Janeway braced herself on her forearms and gently gathered Lynne’s head in her hands, covering her face and neck with small kisses.

“I love you,” she said. “Thank you for giving that to me. I know it must have been hard for you.”

There was a long pause, and Janeway thought Lynne might have dropped off. But then her lover’s eyes opened, looking slightly dazed.

“Damn straight it was,” Lynne said in a weak voice. “And you realize that you’ve just raised the bar for me. Paybacks are a bitch.”

“I know,” said Janeway, squeezing Lynne again. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Lynne smiled, her eyes closing, and a few minutes later her even breaths told Janeway that she had, indeed, worn her lover completely out. She slid off to the side, leaving one arm and leg draped over her lover, and snuggled in. Maybe she hadn’t quite caught up on her sleep, either.

 

 

 

 

---

Chapter 7

 

 

When Janeway woke, she found herself looking straight into a pair of smiling green eyes.

“Hi,” she said, rolling over onto her back and stretching. She pulled herself into a sitting position, a little surprised when Lynne promptly scooted over and rested her head on Janeway’s thigh. “What time is it?”

“Almost 1300,” said Lynne. “And I’m absolutely dying for a shower. I went to bed clean, but somebody got me all grimy again.”

“That’s not grime,” said Janeway, stroking Lynne’s hair. “That’s just good, honest sweat.” She looked down at the dark head, feeling a rush of protectiveness in her current position. Lynne did not often seek out this kind of comforting contact.

“Right, sweat and a few other things,” said Lynne. She turned her head and ostentatiously sniffed Janeway’s pant leg. “And a good bit of it rubbed off on you, too. If you go outside like that, the entire ship is going to know that you ravaged me without even bothering to get undressed. You fiend.”

Janeway laughed, basking in the easy contentment she always felt in Lynne’s presence. “These days, that could only enhance my reputation.”

Lynne sat up. “Then I think you’d better recycle those clothes and come take a shower with me, because I don’t want your reputation any more enhanced than it already is.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Lynne smiled. “Come on, you don’t know that your crew is convinced you’re larger than life? Isn’t that the reputation you intentionally created?”

“I didn’t create anything,” Janeway protested. “I’ve just maintained an appropriate distance from the crew, that’s all. And in the last few months I’m not even sure I’ve managed that.”

“Hmm. I think you’ve done just fine. Half of the crew forgets how to speak when you’re around, they’re so nervous; and the other half would give just about anything to get you in bed. It’s that other half I’m worried about; if they knew the truth I’d have to start beating them off with a large stick.”

“And what is the truth?” purred Janeway, getting up on all fours and straddling Lynne’s legs, her body pushing Lynne’s back down onto the pillows.

Lynne looked up at her, all signs of teasing gone from her face. After a pause, she said, “That you’re everything they think and more. And everything I ever wished for.”

Janeway was startled by the sudden shift in the tone of their conversation. Leaning down, she kissed Lynne gently, then said, “You, on the other hand, are more than I ever hoped for.”

The kiss went on for some time, a soft, loving meeting of the lips that started out slow and eventually grew passionate. When they finally parted, Lynne’s voice was low and husky as she said, “Come take a shower with me and let’s see if we can’t inspire some good, honest sweating on your part.”

Never one to turn down an invitation like that, Janeway stripped out of her clothes, ran them through the recycler, and joined her lover in the shower. Normally she detested sonic showers, but Lynne had discovered that the sound produced at the lowest intensity setting was actually rather soothing. Janeway had rarely used that setting, since it took even longer than a hydroshower—and the main point to a sonic shower, aside from eliminating water usage, was its efficiency. Most people didn’t want to spend more than one or two minutes getting clean unless they could luxuriate in hot water.

They stood together in the ethereal blue light as the system activated, running their hands up and down each other’s bodies. Gradually Lynne’s caresses grew more sensual, and soon she was holding Janeway upright as the captain shuddered and gasped for air. When Janeway recovered and began to return the favor, Lynne protested that she had nothing left in her. Janeway interpreted that as a personal challenge, and though it took awhile, eventually she had Lynne shaking in her arms. This time Lynne’s legs gave out completely and she sank onto the shower’s bench seat, closing her eyes and resting her head against the wall.

“Jesus,” she complained. “I can run ten kilometers, but I can’t stand up in the shower. You’d think I’d have more stamina.”

“I’m taking this as a testament to my skills,” said Janeway, trying hard not to sound too smug.

Lynne opened her eyes and scowled. “Just because I said the crew thinks you’re larger than life doesn’t mean you have to think so, too. If you’re not careful I may decide it’s my job to keep you humble.”

Janeway dropped a quick kiss on Lynne’s nose. “Computer, deactivate sonic shower,” she said as she pulled Lynne to her feet. “I don’t doubt you’re up to the job, sweetheart. But I’ll try to be less cognizant of my greatness.”

Lynne grabbed Janeway around the waist and began to tickle her, prompting a very uncaptain-like shriek and a paroxysm of laughter. They eventually made their way out of the shower and into the dining area, where they put together a midday meal with the economy of movement born of long familiarity. Janeway indulged herself in a cup of what she now thought of as Real Coffee. To make the precious 50-pound bag last as long as possible, the stasis container was kept in Lynne’s quarters. Janeway knew that if that bag was in her own quarters, she’d have put a large dent in it by now. Rationing it out made it more special.

As they ate, they caught up on the prior four days and compared notes on their experiences in the storm. Janeway was very interested in Lynne’s reaction to the storm, and debated internally whether or not to mention her concern about the engines overheating. The decision was taken out of her hands, however, when Lynne brought it up herself. She’d spoken to B’Elanna earlier and heard all about it.

“I’m curious, Kathryn,” she said. “Why did you choose to ride out the storm instead of going around?”

“Because we couldn’t have gotten around it before it hit us,” said Janeway. “It was moving too fast. My only choice was stay or retreat, and I chose to stay. Of course, I didn’t realize the storm was as bad as it was, or I might have made a different decision.”

“Why did you stay? I mean, not that I’m questioning your decision, but…why not back off and wait it out?”

“Because ion storms can last for days or even weeks, and there’s no way to know which way they’ll move or how long they’ll last. We could have been forced far off course, and while I’m willing to backtrack when I absolutely have to, I can’t make a habit of it or we’d never get home.”

Lynne thought about that for a moment and nodded. “Makes sense.”

Janeway changed the subject. “I’d imagine the storm put a damper in your latest project, too.”

“Yes, B’Elanna obviously has no time for programming these days, and I wouldn’t trust the holodeck right now even if she did—I’ve heard the stories about how malfunction-prone that place is, so I’m not going anywhere near it until we finish repairs. I guess we’ll just have to wait awhile. It’s just as well; I’m starting to run out of ideas.”

“Not going well?”

Lynne sighed. “No, it’s not that. Actually, Seven is doing better than I thought she would. She’s relaxing and even enjoying herself, not that she’d put it that way. Her ability to interact and socialize has really improved, and she’s gained a lot of self-confidence. But she’s progressed to the point where she’s expecting something to happen emotionally, some spark of attraction, and I’m just not sure we can accomplish that on the holodeck. I think the next step for her is out in the real world—but I have no idea who she could take that next step with. Honestly, I’m a little afraid for her.”

“Why?”

“Because, she’s poised at the edge of an emotional leap—but she’s got nowhere to go with it. Kathryn, think about it. Seven doesn’t deal well with a lack of progress. The strongest force in her life is assimilation of information—she has to keep growing, keep moving forward, or her entire basis for existence is compromised. If she can’t go forward, I can only see one of two things happening. Either she’ll shut down this aspect of her growth and retreat into herself, which I think would be tragic and ultimately destructive for her. Or…”

Janeway’s thoughts had raced ahead, and the conclusion hit her with heart-stopping force.

“Or she’ll leave,” she said. Lynne nodded, and the two women stared at each other. Janeway felt as if reality had just shifted beneath her feet; in the years since she’d freed Seven from the Collective, she’d never given serious thought to her leaving. In the beginning she hadn’t allowed her the option, reasoning that Seven wasn’t ready to survive away from a supporting environment, and she sure as hell didn’t want that environment to be the Borg. As Seven had learned and adapted, she’d accepted the fact that someday her astrometrics officer would grow beyond the need for her mentoring—but there was a big difference between accepting an abstract idea and being hit with the reality of it. If Seven left Voyager, she’d leave a big hole in Janeway’s heart as well.

“Lynne, we can’t let that happen—I’m not ready to lose her.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized how they sounded. Oh shit.

But when she looked up, she saw only understanding and compassion in Lynne’s eyes.

“You really love her, don’t you?”

“More than anyone but you,” Janeway admitted, relieved beyond belief that Lynne accepted the complex emotional connection she had with Seven.

Lynne just nodded. “Somehow I always knew that. It was something I thought about at Earth. When I was deciding whether to stay or go, one thing that made it easier to consider staying on Earth was the thought that eventually you might find another partner in Seven.” Her eyes twinkled as she took in Janeway’s open-mouthed expression. “Shocked you on that one, huh?”

“Christ.” Janeway finally found her voice. “How can you just sit there so calmly and say that? If I thought you had another potential lover waiting in the wings, I’d go insane with jealousy.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I don’t have anyone, then.” Lynne smiled, but then her expression grew serious. “You’ve never given me a reason to be jealous, Kathryn. You’ve got so much integrity that I can’t begin to imagine you being unfaithful. Besides, what I sense between you and Seven isn’t at that level. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s not that.”

“I don’t really know what it is, either,” said Janeway. It seemed so strange to be talking to anyone about this, much less Lynne. But it was also very liberating. “I guess I’ve always been a little afraid to examine it too closely. She’s very, very special to me, and I’m…well, I’m extremely protective of her. For awhile I told myself it was just the normal protectiveness any captain feels for her crew, but…” She trailed off.

“But it’s not,” Lynne finished for her. “No, I don’t think most captains would face down the Borg Queen herself to retrieve a single crewmember. I’m pretty sure the average captain would look at the success-to-failure risk on that one and dismiss it as a suicide mission.”

“It was,” said Janeway quietly.

Now it was Lynne’s turn to stare open-mouthed.

“I’m not saying I went into it expecting to die,” Janeway amended. “I didn’t even let myself think about it. There were simply no other options—once I realized that Seven had been coerced into leaving, had in fact given up her life for the good of the ship, I had to bring her back. Period. It wasn’t until I got back and started writing up the report that I realized what I’d done.” She could still remember the shock that had hit her then. “Everyone else already knew it. And yet Tuvok, Tom and the Doctor went with me anyway.”

“Wow,” said Lynne. “And here I’ve always thought Tom and the Doctor were assholes. Now I’m going to have to start thinking of them as noble assholes.”

Janeway laughed. “Trust you to find something funny about it.”

Lynne reached over to take Janeway’s hand.

“There’s nothing funny about that kind of love, Kathryn. Just a deep, infinite joy. I’d never felt it before I met you, and personally I think the fact that you have two people to love that way makes you incredibly blessed. It actually makes me happy to think that if anything ever happened to me, you wouldn’t be totally alone. You’d have a second chance.”

“Don’t ever say that,” said Janeway, gripping Lynne’s hand fiercely. “What I feel for Seven isn’t this, and I don’t want to find out if it can eventually grow into it.” She took a breath. Now’s the time.

“Lynne, I had a question I wanted to ask you before that ion storm hit us. Actually, I’ve been wanting to ask you for some time, but the timing was never right and things kept getting in the way and—” She stopped herself before the babbling could get out of control. Lynne just looked at her, waiting patiently with a small smile on her face.

“I wanted to ask you to move in with me,” she finished.

The smile slipped from Lynne’s face. And in all her imaginings of this moment, Janeway had never anticipated the next question.

“Why?”

“What?” Did I hear that right?

“Why do you want me to move in?”

Janeway stared at her lover.

“Wasn’t it you I was just talking to about love and partnership?” she said. “Because if it wasn’t, it was someone who looked just like you.” Janeway winced, knowing she’d sounded harsh, but she was floundering here. She started to pull her hand away, but Lynne held on.

“No, wait. Kathryn, I do love you, you know that. And you are my partner, and…” She sighed. “Let me start over. I didn’t expect your invitation, and I’m just a little thrown by it. I, uh…I’ve never lived with anyone, Kathryn. I mean, not since my roommate days. I’m very used to having my own space, and I guess I just wanted to know how you felt our living together would improve on what we have now.”

“Would improve…what do you mean? Lynne, don’t you think about waking up every morning with me? Because that’s how I feel about you. I want to see you when I go to sleep at night and when I wake up in the morning. I want to know you’re in our quarters when I get off shift, or be waiting for you to get off yours. I’m tired of running back and forth between decks. I want you there all the time. Don’t you?”

Lynne looked down at their hands. “It just sounds like you want us to live together for the sake of convenience, Kathryn. I’m not hearing a whole lot more than that.”

“What?” This time Janeway did pull her hand away. “Lynne, this is not about convenience, it’s about being together. I’m offering you my heart here. What more do you want from me?”

“Kathryn, you’ve already offered me your heart,” said Lynne softly. “Believe me, I know what a precious gift that is. What you’re offering now is your quarters, and I’m just not sure that moving in is the best thing for us. How will it change anything? It certainly won’t change how I feel about you—I already love you with all my heart. Will it change how you feel about me?”

Janeway stared at her partner, wondering how on earth this could have gone so wrong. What the hell had just happened? She was confused and hurt, and unwilling to show it. A defensive anger swept over her, and she spoke before she thought.

“Moving in would not change how I feel about you, except possibly to give me a chance to love you more. But I have to say, this conversation is making me doubt your feelings. It sounds to me like you don’t want to move forward, Lynne, and I have to wonder why.”

There was pain in Lynne’s eyes, but all she said was, “I don’t know what to tell you right now.”

Janeway was stunned. That was it? She waited, but when Lynne showed no sign of continuing, she stood up and pushed her chair back.

“Well, you think about it and let me know when you do have something to say. Thanks for a great day, sweetheart, but I think it’s time I went back to my quarters now. I’ll see you later.”

“Kathryn, wait—” But Janeway was already in the hall, and Lynne’s voice was cut off as the door closed behind her. She strode toward the turbolift, expecting Lynne to come after her and half dreading, half hoping she would.

She didn’t, and Janeway returned to her quarters, alone, heartbroken, angry and confused.

 

 

 

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