chapter 7

 

 

Janeway sat in her reclining camp chair, looking out over the spectacular view before her. Their Starfleet shelter was positioned on the edge of a sheer fault block mountain, 2,000 meters high, with an endless vista of rolling, desert landscape stretching to a mountain range at the horizon. Behind her was a lush forest which carpeted the flanks of a second mountain range and ended at the cliff face where she sat. A nearby waterfall provided a constant, soothing background noise, punctuated now by a shout of laughter from Lynne. Janeway turned her gaze from the scenery to her wife, who had just unwrapped a wedding gift.

“I should have known Johnson and Slater would do something like this!” Lynne said gleefully, holding up a white, square object.

“What’s that?” asked Janeway.

“A toaster oven!”

That didn’t clarify anything at all. “Okay, keep going. What’s a toaster oven?”

Lynne set the object on the grass, still chuckling. “It was an appliance that every household had in my day—it toasted bread horizontally, versus toasters, which did it vertically. It was also a traditional wedding gift. Back when I was spending hours with Johnson and Slater, telling them everything I could remember about my time, we got into a discussion about social traditions and I told them about this one. Toaster ovens were such a common wedding gift that sometimes newlyweds got more than one. A friend of mine got five of the little suckers. Frankly, I’m surprised those two didn’t give us a vase, too. Or a fondue pot.”

Janeway smiled, enjoying Lynne’s happy mood and feeling more relaxed than she could ever remember. She could hardly believe that she was sitting here, literally in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do but spend time with Lynne. And open wedding gifts.

They had decided to divide their honeymoon in half: one week spent in the mountains for Lynne’s benefit, and one week on the beach for Janeway’s. Shore leave for the rest of the crew was limited to the southern continent; Janeway and Lynne had the entire northern continent to themselves. For two people who lived on a 344-meter ship, such privacy was nearly incomprehensible.

“Well, that’s useful,” said Janeway.

“No it’s not,” Lynne said, laughing again. “And it wasn’t all that useful in my time, either. We’ll send it back to the ship for recycling—it was just a joke. And it worked.”

“Apparently,” said Janeway. She loved the sound of Lynne’s laughter, and anything that brought it on was a success in her eyes.

“I’ll have to give some thought to how to pay those two back,” said Lynne as she rummaged through the pile of wrapping to locate the few remaining gifts. “You ready for your next one?”

Janeway stretched luxuriously and held out a hand. “Mm hmm. Hand it over.”

“It’ll take two hands, love. This one’s a monster. It’s from Seven.” And Lynne held up a flat object nearly one meter square.

Pulling herself upright, Janeway accepted the package and laid it carefully on her lap. “It’s something framed,” she said, feeling around the edges.

“Oh, great,” said Lynne. “As if we didn’t already have more art than wall space.”

Janeway ripped off the wrapping paper and stared for several seconds in silence.

“We’ll find space,” she said at last.

“Let me see.” Lynne got up and stood behind Janeway. For several seconds there was no sound but that of the waterfall.

“That’s incredibly gorgeous,” said Lynne. “And I’m not even a fan of abstract art.”

Janeway said nothing, her mind going back to the first time she had tried to interest Seven in the creative arts. She’d been in Leonard Da Vinci’s studio, sculpting a bust, and encouraged Seven to take part. It had been…less than successful. Subsequent efforts had yielded only marginal results. She’d eventually given up, deciding that Seven’s logical mind simply had no creative output. At least, not that she could find.

Obviously, she’d been wrong. She held the picture up, wanting to view it from a different angle. It was a marvel of geometry, drawing the eye toward its center, from which an explosion of shapes seemed to originate. To Janeway, the picture appeared to pulsate with color and life. It was ordered and logical in that it consisted solely of lines creating shapes, and colors to fill them, but the sum total of those lines, shapes and colors was an absolute riot of energy. It was ordered chaos, logical intuition. It was Seven.

“Hey, what’s this?” Lynne plucked an envelope out of the back of the picture, where it had been tucked into the frame. She opened it and pulled out a sheet of paper. Janeway waited while Lynne read.

“Well?” she asked.

“Here.” Lynne handed her the paper.

Janeway relinquished the print to Lynne’s hands while she read the letter.

 

To Kathryn and Lynne:

Lynne, I am aware of your appreciation for photorealism, but Kathryn once told me that “variety is the spice of life,” so I decided to introduce spice into your décor. You cannot look at this and see just one thing, as you do with your representational art. Because it is the result of a series of mathematical formulas, it can be seen in a nearly infinite number of ways. I am quite certain that what you see in this will differ from what I see.

Kathryn, I well recall your disappointment at my inability to join you in your creative efforts. I want you to understand that it was not a result of any failure on your part to teach me, but rather a lack of understanding on my part as to what comprised creativity. Since then, I have learned that I can be creative within the framework of mathematics. This print is formed from vectors; I produced it by initiating a series of equations and allowing them to resolve themselves. I believe this is similar to the process you used with me: you initiated a series of codes, morals and principles, and then allowed me to resolve them in my own way. (Though to be accurate, I believe this allowance occurred after you were convinced that I would not resolve them in any other way.)

I have learned that our lives and our choices can never be entirely predicted, regardless of how well we understand each other as individuals. I understand the equations underlying these vectors, but I could not predict their end result. Nor can I predict the end result of your marriage, but if it is not one of deserved happiness, then the universe is far more random than I ever imagined.

Seven

 

Janeway folded the letter and reached out for the print. Lynne settled it onto her thighs and stepped back to view it.

“You know what?” Janeway said.

“What?”

“I don’t think I know Seven anymore.”

“What?” Now Lynne’s voice was incredulous. “Of course you do. You know her better than anyone on this ship.”

“I don’t think so. She’s changed, Lynne. A lot. If I were to use her mathematical analogy, I’d say she’s been growing at an exponential rate, and in the last two months she’s jumped to another power. She’s embracing her emotions and thinking in an entirely different manner than she used to. Revi has been so good for her.”

Lynne kissed the top of Janeway’s head. “I agree. But I also think that Revi is building on a solid base that you helped to create. Don’t forget that Seven was already exploring some of those emotions before Revi even arrived. And Kathryn, you most certainly do know Seven. You’re just having to adjust your prior conceptions of her to keep them accurate. We all have to do that with the people we know, because nobody stays static.” She paused. “Well, nobody interesting, anyway.”

Kathryn chuckled. “And by god do we know a lot of interesting people. So what else is in that pile?” She carefully leaned Seven’s print against her chair.

Lynne stepped back toward the pile of wrapping and pulled out a small box. “I saved this one for last because it’s from B’Elanna, Tom and Harry. They pooled their replicator rations so I figured it had to be something spendy.”

“Open it, then.” Janeway settled back in her chair.

It was the work of but a moment to tear off the wrapping, revealing a burnished, gleaming metal box. Lynne carefully lifted the lid, stared a moment, and then began laughing.

“What in the hell do they expect us to do with this?” she asked, holding up a tiny phallus no more than ten centimeters long. “It’s not even big enough to be a butt plug.”

“Could you be any more crude? Those of us who don’t talk like dockworkers would call that an anal probe.”

“Oh please, anal probes are what the aliens used on the humans they kidnapped.” Lynne froze and turned a look of horror on Kathryn. “Oh my god, I hope that particular story wasn’t as true as the others turned out to be.”

“You’ve lost me.”

Lynne replaced the miniscule phallus in the box and sat heavily in her chair. “Well, the same papers that printed stories about aliens kidnapping humans—which I never believed until you told me I was one of the kidnapped ones—also printed stories about the ‘experiments’ that were performed on these humans. Sexual ones. And the stereotype that everyone laughed about was that they used anal probes.” She looked a little ill. “Yuck.”

“How did the papers know about these experiments?” asked Janeway.

“Supposedly they interviewed the survivors.”

“Lynne, you saw the logs from the away mission on the Sumak ship. Do you honestly think the Sumak were the type of aliens to perform experiments and then return their subjects unharmed? They packaged you up for a long-term visit, sweetheart. I think you can safely assume that those ‘survivor’ stories were just stories.”

Lynne tilted her head for a moment and then breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re right. Thank god.” Her momentary disgust forgotten, she held up the little phallus again. “Which brings me back to my original question: What the hell are we supposed to do with this?”

Janeway knew. “Let me see it.”

Lynne handed it over, and Janeway nodded as she examined the toy. “Is there a control in that case?”

Eyebrows scrunched together, Lynne rummaged around the box. “Oh. Yeah, there is.” She held out a small control pad.

Janeway struggled to control her rising mirth. This was going to be good. “So your objection to this is that it’s too small, correct?”

“Yeeesss…” Lynne’s tone was suspicious.

Janeway pressed a key on the control and barely managed to hold on to the phallus as it instantly grew to an impressive size. Now a startlingly realistic copy of a Cardassian penis, it was thirty centimeters long and over six centimeters wide, slightly flattened and edged with scaly plates down each side that made it seem even thicker.

“Is that big enough for you?” she asked.

Lynne’s eyes were the size of saucers. “Holy shit! What the fuck is that?” She actually sounded alarmed, and Janeway couldn’t hold herself back any longer. Dropping the huge phallus in her lap, she dissolved in a fit of laughter.

“You should see your face!” she sputtered, laughing even harder as Lynne’s look of alarm changed to annoyance.

“Well, I’m so glad I could amuse you,” Lynne said icily. “Give me that.” She reached for the phallus. “Jesus. What is it?”

Janeway wiped her eyes, chuckling. “Right now it’s a Cardassian penis. But the answer to the bigger question is that B’Elanna, Tom and Harry kicked in their replication rations to buy us a rather adaptable toy. That’s a Risan joystick; the nicest one I’ve ever seen.”

Now Lynne laughed. “A joystick? Oh, that just figures.”

“Why?”

“Well, that particular word meant something else in my time. Joysticks were a control input for computer games, most of which were played by pimply teenage boys whose brains were pretty much focused on either games or sex. So it’s more than a little ironic to find the same term applying to this, four hundred years later.”

Janeway gave her a mock glare. “Mention pimply teenage boys one more time on our honeymoon and it’s over, Lynne.”

“Sorry. So tell me more about this…toy. Those Risans know their stuff, don’t they? Great sex music and now this. So obviously it can be either too small or way too big. Is there a happy medium somewhere? And where’s the harness?”

“The harness?”

“You know, to hold it in place.” Lynne held the joystick at her crotch and then yelped as it moved in her hand to attach itself with a slight hum. Wild-eyed, she jumped up in alarm. “Jesus Christ! Get it the fuck off me!”

Janeway couldn’t stand it. She slid out of her chair and collapsed on the ground, laughing helplessly. The expression on Lynne’s face—combined with the erect Cardassian penis jutting up from her crotch—was just too much to bear.

“Oh, great.” Lynne’s voice was laden with sarcasm. “I’ve just been taken hostage by a giant cock and you’re laughing at me. Kathryn, I’m about to get pissed off here.”

Janeway looked over, saw Lynne tugging ineffectually at the phallus, and laughed harder. She rolled onto her side, clutching her stomach in an effort to keep it from hurting while she gasped for air. Oh god, this was priceless. Every time she thought she was done, she’d get a mental image of Lynne and the joystick and she’d break up all over again. Finally, though, her laughter slowed and she was able to uncurl her aching body, still shaking with the occasional chuckle.

Suddenly she was pulled onto her back and covered with the warm weight of her wife. An insistent pressure at the apex of her thighs stopped her laughter immediately, and she looked up into amused green eyes.

“I thought that might shut you up. You know,” said Lynne conversationally, “I’m starting to see some of the advantages of this little toy. And I’m thinking I’d like to use it on you.” She illustrated her point with a gentle thrust of her hips. “But I’m also fairly sure that you don’t want me to use it in either the microdick or the megadick sizes, so you’d better tell me right now how to adjust it to what you want.” A few more leisurely thrusts and Janeway capitulated.

“All right, all right!” She pushed on Lynne’s shoulders. “I will, but we’ve got to find the instruction manual first.”

Lynne rolled off and sat up. “What instruction manual? There wasn’t anything else in the box.”

Janeway rose and began searching through the pile of wrapping. “There damn well better be a manual here somewhere. If they gave us this joystick without it, I’ll reassign all three of them straight to the Waste Reclamation Unit.” She brushed aside some brightly colored foil and found a thick, sealed envelope. “Ah. Here we go.”

The envelope contained a small PADD and a card. Opening the card, she said, “It’s from B’Elanna. She says…” Janeway read for a few moments in silence and then laughed. “She says Tom and Harry had no idea what their rations were spent for, and she planned to tell them after we left for our honeymoon. Those poor fools; they’re going to be in agony until we get back and tell them they’re not going to be tossed out an airlock.”

“And why would we tell them that?” asked Lynne.

Janeway looked at her wife, sitting nonchalantly on the ground as if she didn’t have a scaly thirty-centimeter penis sprouting from her crotch.

“I like the way you think,” she said. “B’Elanna was right, you are devious.”

“I believe what B’Elanna said was that I’m devious enough to be a match for you, love,” said Lynne. “Now about that manual?”

Janeway let the card fall to the ground while she accessed the PADD. She knew what she was looking for, and within a few moments had read enough.

“All right,” she said as she moved to Lynne’s side, “the first thing we do is get this off you. There’s a recessed control right…here.” She pointed to a slight indentation near the base. “Press that and it will detach.”

Lynne pushed the indentation, waited, then pushed again a great deal harder. A quiet hum warned her and she barely caught the phallus as it dropped off. “Wow! This thing doesn’t mess around.”

“Not by itself it doesn’t.”

Lynne rolled her eyes. “Oh, that was bad.”

“I try.” Janeway shot her a grin.

“To my eternal dismay,” said Lynne. “So how does the attachment work?”

“The base senses body heat and attaches through a type of reverse force field, which is why it fastened on to you when you held it there. You can wear it anywhere on your body; it’s not limited to just your crotch. Though I’ve never quite figured out where else you’d put it.”

“You mean you’ve never used a…never mind.”

“A what?”

Lynne looked embarrassed, which was a little odd considering what she was holding in her hand. “A thigh harness.”

Janeway raised her eyebrows. “No, I can’t say that I have. Though my experience was admittedly limited before I met you. A thigh harness, hmm?”

“Yeah. It, um, gives you a little more flexibility in choosing positions.”

“I see.” Janeway was thoroughly enjoying Lynne’s unexpected shyness. “I take it you have experience with this?”

“A little.” Lynne looked down at the joystick. “So how do we resize it?”

Janeway let the obvious subject change go, picking up the control from where she’d dropped it earlier. “These buttons select for preprogrammed species: Klingon, Ferengi, Vulcan, Human, Betazoid, Cardassian, Bajoran and Risan. And this one here is for fine-tuning the size in length and diameter.”

Lynne took the control from Janeway’s hands and played with it, watching in total fascination as the phallus morphed into wildly different shapes.

“Well!” she said at last. “That was a crash course in Alpha Quadrant anatomy. We sure didn’t have anything like this in my time.” She looked up, a speculative gleam in her eyes. “So tell me, Kathryn, how exactly do you know so much about this?”

Janeway grinned. “Did you think that all we did at the Academy was study?”

An incredulous smile washed over Lynne’s face. “As a matter of fact, yes I did! Do I get to have co-ed fantasies about you now? Come on, tell all!”

Laughing, Janeway shook her head. “Sorry, I wasn’t nearly as…active as you’d like to imagine. But I had friends and roommates who were, and I picked up a few things from them. Like how to use certain toys. None of us could afford one like this, though. Ours were usually designed for just one species.” She picked up the joystick, which Lynne had left in the Ferengi mode, and contemplated its short, curved shape. “Uh, Lynne, do you think you could change it back to Human? I’m finding this to be a serious turnoff.”

“Tell you what: why don’t you give me that…” Lynne stood up and took the phallus out of Janeway’s hand, pulling her upright at the same time, “…and I’ll work on getting you turned back on.” She tugged gently on Janeway’s hand, and the captain allowed herself to be led to their shelter.

Made of a transparent aluminum roof, corner posts and floor, with force-field walls that were currently deactivated, the shelter was nearly invisible. The large bed sitting in its center seemed to sprout from the forest floor and glowed in the sunlight filtering through the trees. Off to one side, their travel totes, a portable replicator, and a miniature sonic shower made up the rest of their gear. Upon their arrival the night before, Lynne had commented that if camping in her time had been anything like this, everyone would have done it.

They walked hand in hand to the bed, where Lynne dropped the joystick and control pad. Smiling, she ran her hands down Janeway’s arms and held her fingers in a light grip.

“Do you know what turns me on?” she asked.

“Is this a rhetorical question?”

Shaking her head, Lynne said, “Let me rephrase. Would you like to know what you just did in the last five minutes that turned me on?”

A quick mental review revealed no obvious answers, so Janeway nodded.

“You laughed.”

“And that turned you on? I thought you were pissed.”

“No, I just said that for effect.” Lynne’s expression became earnest. “Kathryn, I love to hear you laugh. You have a number of different types, you know, from chuckles to good laughs to that out-of-control, total belly laugh you just did. And I love them all, especially the last one. You’re beautiful when you really let go and laugh; it’s like your rank and responsibilities drop away for a moment and all I can see is the funny, loving, sweet woman that you are underneath the other layers. That woman totally turns me on.”

Janeway stood unmoving, momentarily stunned by Lynne’s words, while her wife leaned in and began brushing soft kisses along the length of her throat. When she came back to herself, she gripped Lynne’s shoulders and pushed her away enough to look into her eyes.

“That’s one of the most incredible things anyone has ever said to me,” she said quietly. “Honestly, Lynne, the fact that you see me for who I really am is one of the most precious things about our relationship. It’s so rare for me.”

“Then you’ve been hanging out with the wrong people.” Lynne rested her hands on Kathryn’s waist.

“No, I’ve been hanging out with people who couldn’t be allowed to see anything but the captain. And maybe that wasn’t entirely necessary, but I thought it was. I didn’t even realize how much it was costing me until you came along. Then I saw what I was missing—how much of myself was missing.”

Lynne’s voice dropped to a sultry tone as she let her eyes roam Janeway’s body. “Believe me, Kathryn, you aren’t missing anything. It’s all there, and it’s all beautiful.”

And the most amazing thing about that, thought Janeway as their lips met, was that she did believe her. Lynne never flattered, and she didn’t have the patience to say what people might want to hear. She said what she thought, which meant she really did think Janeway was beautiful. And that was the biggest turn-on of all.

It wasn’t long before their clothes were scattered around the room and they were on the bed, exploring each other’s skin and lips, finding the sensitive places they both knew so well. There was no sound save the breeze through the forest and their own soft murmurs.

“Kathryn,” Lynne whispered into her ear, “I want to make love to you. I want to use our new toy. Will you let me?”

For an answer, Janeway gently pushed Lynne off her and sat up. Reaching out for the joystick and the control pad, she said, “Only if you’ll let me put it on you.”

Lynne nodded and sat back on her heels, giving Janeway easy access. Adjusting the toy to a dimension she knew would work for her, Janeway settled it in place. Humming briefly, the phallus locked itself down, and Lynne gasped.

“Whoa. That feels different on bare skin.”

Janeway dipped her head to hide her smile. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, sweetheart.” Surreptitiously she hit the control panel again, setting the sensitivity of the phallus to seventy-five percent. Lynne had no idea what she was in for.

I never thought I’d be doing this again, she thought as she bent down and gently took almost the entire length of the phallus into her mouth.

“Oh…my…fucking…god,” Lynne breathed. “Kathryn…”

Janeway intensified her suction and pulled back, hard.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Lynne as her body jerked involuntarily, breaking Janeway’s hold. Panting and wide-eyed, she stared at Janeway. “What the hell was that? My god, it felt like you were…I was…god, Kathryn, I almost came!”

Janeway tried, she really did, but once again the expression on Lynne’s face was more than she could stand. She fell to one side and dissolved in mirth. In a few seconds she heard Lynne laughing with her.

“Okay, I can see you were planning that one,” said Lynne. “Care to explain the details that I’ve obviously missed? This thing is really attached to me, isn’t it?”

Janeway sat up again, wiping her eyes. “Yes, it really is. It ties into the nerves of your clitoris. It’s essentially an extension of your own body. You can set the sensitivity, from zero to one hundred percent. I set it for seventy-five. You’ll feel everything.”

Lynne looked down at her “extension,” obviously considering the implications. A very large smile spread over her face.

“Everything?” she asked.

Janeway nodded. “Everything.”

The smile became a lascivious grin. “Oh, yeah.” She reached out for Janeway and pushed her down, settling herself on top. A slow seduction of kisses, nips and caresses followed, as Lynne ratcheted Janeway’s arousal to a fever pitch—all the while slowly moving her hips so that the tip of the joystick just barely brushed soft, glistening skin.

Janeway stood it as long as she could, but the sensation of the phallus contacting her entrance without ever going further was maddening. Finally she grabbed Lynne by the back of the neck. “Inside. Now,” she ordered.

Lynne gave her a cocky smile. “Yes, ma’am,” she said, and without breaking their eye contact she entered with a single, agonizingly slow thrust. Janeway groaned at the sensation, so incredibly satisfying, and watched as Lynne’s eyes closed. For a moment there was total stillness, total silence, and then Janeway saw a tear slide down Lynne’s cheek.

Lifting a hand, she gently wiped it away. “What’s wrong?” she whispered, bewildered.

Lynne’s eyes opened. “Absolutely nothing,” she breathed. “God, Kathryn, it’s incredible. I can feel you. It’s such a gift. I feel totally connected to you. I never want this to end.”

“Neither do I,” said Janeway, “but if you don’t do something I’m going to explode.” She cupped Lynne’s buttocks and pulled their bodies closer together.

Lynne dropped down on her forearms, covering Janeway’s face and neck with gentle, reverent kisses. “I love you,” she said, beginning a slow stroking motion with her hips. “So much.”

Janeway tilted her head back, exposing more of her throat to Lynne’s ministrations. She wanted to answer Lynne’s avowal, but speech was patently impossible at the moment. The sensation of Lynne on her and inside her was too overwhelming, and she gave herself entirely over to it.

Lynne left her throat and blazed a trail down to a breast, to which she attended with a touch so loving that it bordered on worship. She paid devout attention to every square centimeter of the breast before finally taking the nipple into her mouth and bathing it with a warm tongue.

Janeway arched into the touch, and Lynne responded by rocking her hips away and then thrusting, hard, driving herself as far in as she could. The phallus was long enough to brush Janeway’s cervix, and she cried out at the sensation—it was exquisite pleasure, teetering on the edge of pain.

“Are you all right?”

Janeway opened her eyes and saw the concern on Lynne’s face. “God, yes,” she said. “Do that again.”

The creases in Lynne’s brow smoothed instantly. “Okay,” she said. “You just sounded like that hurt.”

“No,” Janeway reassured her. “Almost, but not quite. Just enough to feel incredible.”

“What do you mean, ‘just enough’? So it does hurt?” Lynne was worried again.

Janeway stifled a sigh. She appreciated the concern, but dammit, she wanted to get on with it!

“Lynne,” she said very clearly, “shut up and fuck me.”

The wide-eyed expression on Lynne’s face would have made her laugh if she hadn’t been so sexually charged. As it was, she barely had time to register it before the tenor of their lovemaking changed completely. Lynne complied with her command, repeatedly pulling nearly all the way out and then slamming back in with considerable power. Janeway could only hang on for the ride, the force of Lynne’s thrusts pushing her body up the bed. She couldn’t control her vocalizations, either, the groans tearing out of her with each stroke.

Abruptly, Lynne pulled all the way out, and Janeway’s eyes flew open as she registered the shocking loss. “No!” she protested.

“Shhh.” Lynne leaned down and gently suckled each nipple before pushing herself up to look in Janeway’s eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you hanging. It’s just that I can barely control myself, Kathryn. I don’t want our first experience with this to end with the female version of premature ejaculation. I need to slow this down or it’s going to end before we get started.”

“Fine,” Janeway grumbled, eliciting a chuckle from Lynne. “I was perfectly happy, just so you know.”

“Well, let’s see if I can keep you happy.” Lynne slid down Janeway’s torso and with no warning at all took her clitoris in her mouth.

“Oh, Christ!” Janeway slammed her head back on the pillow. Lynne knew exactly where and how she liked to be touched, and she was making good use of her knowledge. Janeway’s hips moved in a timeless rhythm, her hands holding Lynne’s head in place just in case she got any ideas about going anywhere else.

Just as Janeway felt the first stirrings of orgasm, Lynne pulled away, repositioned herself and buried the phallus to its full length. Janeway was momentarily surprised by the scream she heard, and even more surprised when she realized it had come from her. She knew Lynne was nearing orgasm herself; could hear it in her occasional groans and shortened breaths; and she wanted Lynne to come inside her. Lifting her head, she latched onto one of the breasts that had been swaying temptingly above her and suckled hard, raking the nipple with her teeth before letting go.

“Come on,” she growled. “I want to hear you.” Then she wrapped her lips around the other nipple and gave it the same treatment.

“Oh god,” Lynne groaned, “don’t do that, I don’t want it to be this soon…” Her thrusts became more forceful, and Janeway had to give up her attentions to Lynne’s breasts. She simply couldn’t hold herself up under the intense assault, instead wrapping her hands around the rail on the headboard and using her arm strength to counter Lynne’s movements and keep her body from being pushed up the bed.

Suddenly Lynne stopped her motions, dropping her head and breathing heavily. Janeway closed her eyes in frustration. Dammit. She’s going to kill me.

Lynne’s head came back up and she gave Janeway a knowing look. “Nice try, love, but amazingly enough I still have a little control left. I think we need to change positions.” Janeway let out a disappointed sound as she felt Lynne pull out again, but her wife simply brought her knees up under herself, sitting upright and back on her heels, then pulled Janeway up by the hips and reentered her.

“Don’t worry,” Lynne said, “I’m not going anywhere. And neither are you.” She picked up Janeway’s left leg and lifted it straight up, holding it there as she rubbed her cheek against the calf. “Anyone ever tell you you’ve got great legs?” She turned her head and began nibbling and kissing the calf muscle and ankle. It felt fantastic.

“I’ve got short legs,” said Janeway a little breathlessly, watching Lynne’s ministrations. Who knew a leg could be such an erogenous zone?

“So? I love these legs. They’ve got perfect curves. Perfect thighs…” She drew her fingertips from the very apex of Janeway’s thigh to her knee, then bent her head to lick the back of the knee. “Perfect calves…” Her tongue traveled upward from the knee to the ankle. “And such cute little feet, which I’d love to play with, but you’ve been walking around barefoot. I think this is tree sap, but I’m not taking a chance.”

Janeway couldn’t help herself; she laughed. Lynne had such a way of blending earthy humor and pure sexuality in their lovemaking.

“So no toe sucking then?” she asked.

“Not until you take a shower. Then we’ll talk.” Lynne ran her fingers lightly over Janeway’s foot, a delighted grin lighting her features as Janeway squirmed. “Ooo. That feels interesting. Let’s make you do that again.” Gentle fingers tickled her sole, and Janeway let out a very uncaptainlike giggle.

“Stop it!”

Lynne grinned down at her. “Okay, but that means I’ll have to start something else.” She pulled her head back as she passed Janeway’s leg in front of her face, bringing it as far to the other side as their current positions allowed. Then she leaned forward and planted her hands on either side of Janeway. “Bring your bottom leg between mine, love, and come onto your side.”

It took Janeway a few seconds to figure out what Lynne had in mind, but eventually she found herself on her side in a surprisingly comfortable position. Lynne stayed in place, merely lifting one leg to allow Janeway’s to pass under, and they’d never lost their connection through the maneuver.

Now Lynne began caressing her front and back simultaneously. “You are so stunning,” she whispered. Her hands worshipped Janeway’s spine, buttocks, shoulders, breasts and stomach, and Janeway closed her eyes once again, this time in pure pleasure. Lynne made her feel like a goddess.

Her eyes opened when a hand pushed gently on her shoulder, and she allowed herself to roll slightly toward her back as Lynne leaned forward and brought her lips around the one nipple she could reach. Her hips began a slow, shallow thrusting as she suckled, and Janeway instantly decided she’d just found her new favorite position. This was incredible. Now if only Lynne would start moving those hips a little faster! She reached out with her top arm, running her hand through Lynne’s hair and along her spine, matching the earlier caresses she’d enjoyed so much. Gradually she let her touches become firmer, until she dropped her hand as far down Lynne’s back as she could reach and gave it a strong tug toward her. The signal was unmistakable, and Lynne pulled back from her breast to smile at her.

“Some people have no patience,” she said. “I could do this all day.”

“I could too,” said Janeway, “but we have this new toy to use and you’re not doing much with it.”

Now the smile became pure evil. “Kathryn, you really shouldn’t taunt the one in charge.” Janeway’s eyes narrowed at that, but before she could say anything Lynne continued, “Don’t you know why I chose this position?”

Uh oh. “No, why?”

“So I could do this.” Lynne suddenly thrust in hard, and Janeway’s head went back as the phallus drove inside her, firmly impacting her cervix. Never had she felt such deep penetration; the sensation was intense and completely overwhelming. Lynne kept up her thrusts, every single one going so deep that it wrung a cry out of Janeway. She flung a hand up to grasp the headboard, trying to hold her body still, but she’d never been so out of control as she was right now. She couldn’t believe how different this position made their intercourse feel. She wasn’t one to have vaginal orgasms, but god, this might just be a first.

Lynne varied her tempo but not the depth, and soon Janeway was clawing at anything within reach, searching for something but not knowing what. Her entire existence narrowed down to the sensations that were overwhelming both her mind and body, and she didn’t even notice when her fingernails raked four parallel lines up Lynne’s back.

The thrusts increased suddenly, then just as abruptly slowed as Lynne threw her head back, gasping out her name.

“Kathryn…god…” Eyes tightly shut, she moved slowly inside Janeway, her body jerking as the orgasm rolled through her muscles. Finally the taut line of her throat relaxed, her eyes opened, and she looked at Janeway in total amazement.

“Kathryn,” she gasped. “Oh, Jesus. Is that what men feel? My god, no wonder they’re such assholes sometimes.” She collapsed on top of Janeway, breathing hard.

Janeway reveled in the feel of Lynne’s body draped so bonelessly atop her own, though their positions made it impossible for her to hold her partner. She also knew she wouldn’t last long under the weight, not on her side. Usually Lynne was very careful to keep her full weight off her smaller partner, but every now and again she simply didn’t have the strength. Janeway always loved those times. It was so rare that Lynne lost all control that way, and she couldn’t help but feel a bit proud whenever it happened.

As usual, Lynne recovered before Janeway could begin to feel crushed. Pushing back up on her hands, she began to pull out. Janeway immediately wrapped one arm around her back, holding her in place.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“I said I wouldn’t leave you hanging,” said Lynne.

“And you won’t.” Janeway’s body was thrumming with arousal, and she did not want Lynne to move. “You’re going to stay right where you are and let me finish things.”

She slid her hand down into her own folds and began a dance she knew very well—five years of celibacy had made her very proficient in pleasing herself. She’d never done it in front of Lynne before, but the incredible sensation of fullness provided by their new toy was something she didn’t want to lose. Not yet, anyway.

Lynne watched her motions, fascinated, her face showing signs of renewed arousal. She raised her eyes to Janeway and said in a near-whisper, “That is so hot. God, you’re sexy.”

The combination of her own motions, the fullness inside her, and Lynne’s obvious enjoyment ratcheted Janeway’s arousal to a whole new level; but the downside to this position was that it stretched out the tissues around her clitoris, making her goal just a little too difficult. She stopped her motions and pushed on Lynne’s shoulder. “I need to roll onto my back.”

Lynne obliged, picking up Janeway’s leg and reversing their earlier motions, and Janeway settled onto her back with a happy sigh. She loved the way they could do this without losing their connection. Her hand slid back down…oh, much better. It felt divine, and watching Lynne watch her was indescribably sexy. Soon she was unable to keep her eyes open any longer, focusing solely on the sparks shooting through her lower body and making her muscles twitch. The orgasm began to build, and she was almost there when Lynne pulled back minutely and then pushed in again, setting up a mild rhythm designed to increase Janeway’s pleasure without interfering.

It worked. Gasping incoherently, Janeway rose halfway off the bed as the orgasm raged through her body. Lynne continued her slow, small thrusts, drawing out the orgasm until Janeway finally grabbed her shoulders.

“Enough!”

Lynne stopped instantly, holding herself perfectly still as she stared down with a look of joyous wonder.

“I felt you,” Lynne whispered. “I felt you come. Incredible…god, Kathryn, it’s such a gift! Thank you for giving that to me.”

Janeway pulled her down and met her lips in a ferocious kiss. That last burst of energy drained her reserves, however, and she dropped her arms to the bed with a groan. “I don’t think I’ll ever move again.”

“I have to,” said Lynne. “My hips are killing me. Are you ready?”

Janeway nodded, biting her lower lip as Lynne slowly pulled out. Then the phallus was gone and her body went totally limp. “I hate that part,” she said.

Lynne rolled onto her back and heaved a sigh. “Me too. I mean, I remember hating that part. It’s been a year since I felt it.”

“I still can’t believe that.”

“What, that I haven’t had sex with a man in a year? You should know, love.”

Janeway rolled to one side and regarded her wife, who turned her head and smiled at her. “You do that on purpose.”

Lynne’s smile widened. “Uh huh. And you hate it.”

“No, not really. I’d prefer to say that you inspire me.”

The smile changed to a look of suspicion, which was justified a moment later when Janeway pounced on Lynne, raking her fingers along sensitive ribs and causing an immediate explosion of giggles.

“Aaahh! Stop! You’re killing me!” Lynne curled up in a protective ball, which did nothing to stop Janeway’s questing fingers. Shaking with helpless laughter, she straightened back out and grabbed Janeway’s hands, holding them in an unbreakable grip. “That was cruel!” A few more giggles escaped. “I was happily enjoying my post-coitus haze, and you just destroyed it.”

“Oh, my poor sweet…annoying, exasperating, intentionally provoking baby.” Janeway tried to pull her hands free, to no effect. “Let me go.”

“Do you promise not to tickle me?”

Janeway contemplated the question long enough for Lynne’s brows to draw together. Only then did she smile. “I promise. Besides, you look ridiculous enough as it is.”

“What do you mean?” Lynne followed Janeway’s gaze to her crotch. “Oh. Hey, you weren’t complaining a minute ago.”

“A minute ago I couldn’t see it. Now I can, and this really needs to come off.” Janeway freed her hands, reached for the recessed control and detached the joystick. “Here, hold this.”

Lynne took it automatically, crinkling her nose. “Now what do we do with it?”

“Just hold on to it.” Janeway got up and walked outside. The case was sitting where she’d left it, and she scooped it up along with the instruction PADD. Returning to their bed, she smothered a laugh at the sight of Lynne sitting there, holding the phallus as if it were venomous.

“All right,” she said, settling cross-legged next to Lynne. “Time to clean.” She picked up the control and showed Lynne the all-important reset button. “This makes it revert to its original size…” She plucked the now-tiny phallus from Lynne’s hand and dropped it into the box. “…And then you just close the lid.”

A faint hum issued from the box, and Lynne looked askance at it. “What was that?”

Janeway opened the box again and held up the clean phallus. “That was the automatic sterilization.”

“No way! Really?” Lynne made a grab for it. “Wow! Okay, it’s official. This is my new best friend. We really didn’t have anything like this in my time. I can’t tell you what a pain it was to clean toys then.”

“How did you do it?” Janeway was curious.

“For most we used hot water, or we’d just put a condom on it. The expensive ones, the ones made of silicone, you could clean with soap and water or sterilize by boiling.”

“Boiling?” Janeway was continually astonished at how primitive some things were in the twenty-first century. “Are you sure you didn’t live in the Dark Ages?”

“Sometimes I think I did,” said Lynne.

Janeway retrieved the joystick. “Well, let me show you something else you probably didn’t have then.” She swiftly attached the toy to herself, hit the “Human” button, and then programmed in a lower sensitivity and a size she thought was about right. Raising her head, she pinned Lynne with a gaze that made her wife gulp.

“Is this the right size?” she purred, advancing on Lynne and pushing her down to the mattress.

“Um…yeah. Could be a little bigger.”

“Bigger, huh? Your wish is my command.” Janeway increased the length and girth proportionally, then looked at Lynne for confirmation. When Lynne nodded, she quickly checked the instruction PADD, smiled to herself, and said, “Now close your eyes.”

After a pause, Lynne capitulated. “Okay, but I’m trusting you not to turn that thing into a Cardassian penis. That was scary.”

Janeway shuddered at the thought. “Don’t worry. I’m just going to treat you to a little something that’s going to send you straight to the stars.”

Lynne smiled, her eyes still shut. “You sound pretty confident there.”

Janeway punched in the code that transformed the phallus into something no human male could ever hope to emulate. “Oh yes,” she said, looking down at the ridges and bumps that had appeared. “I’m confident.”

Lowering herself onto Lynne’s long body, she began a slow exploration of all her favorite sensitive places. It wasn’t long at all before Lynne was running her hands up and down her back, murmuring encouragements and small sighs. Janeway took her time before ever touching a breast, enjoying the way Lynne’s body unconsciously offered them to her in a silent plea. Once there, however, she focused on them exclusively, not even aware that her hips were rocking of their own volition. It was brought to her attention when Lynne answered with her own hips, sliding her hands down to her buttocks and pulling her down firmly.

“Kathryn,” she said in a raspy tone, “if you’re going to do something, now would be good.”

Reaching down, Janeway ran a finger through Lynne’s folds, finding an abundance of moisture there.

“So impatient,” she said, nuzzling Lynne’s neck and gently biting the tendon. “I thought I was doing something.”

“Kathryn…” Lynne’s voice promised dire consequences if she didn’t get satisfaction soon.

Janeway’s response was nonverbal. She pushed up onto her hands, balancing on one while using the other to guide the phallus into Lynne’s opening. As soon as the tip made contact, she closed her eyes at the instant heat that was transferred to her own nerves. A slow thrust pushed it halfway in with ease; she stifled a gasp at the sensations racing through her own body and forced herself to concentrate on Lynne. Gently she pulled out to spread the lubricant, then buried herself to the hilt.

“Whoa!” Lynne’s eyes shot open. “What is that?” She propped up on her elbows and looked down.

“Like that, do you?” Janeway was just a little smug as she continued her slow thrusts, making sure each one went all the way in. She knew Lynne was feeling every ridge; in addition, with each full thrust a cleverly designed bump near the base of the phallus contacted Lynne’s clitoris and provided a tiny vibration. The fact that she felt the vibration as well was just a happy side benefit.

“God, yes! That and everything else…aahHH!” Lynne fell back as Janeway pushed in with considerably more force, grinding her hips in a slow rotation while pressing down firmly. When the vibrations got to be almost too much she pulled back and paused, breathing hard and struggling for control. She hadn’t set the sensitivity all that high, but feeling herself inside Lynne was pushing her dangerously close to the edge. If she moved much more, she’d come, and she desperately wanted to draw this out longer.

Holding herself in place, she waited until Lynne’s eyes opened again. As soon as they did, she began a very slight, very slow motion, making sure that each thrust activated the vibrating bump. “You are so beautiful,” she breathed, watching Lynne struggle to stay focused on her. “I look at you and I get so turned on that I can barely control this.”

Lynne raised a hand and gently cupped Janeway’s cheek. “I love you,” she whispered. “I can’t even describe what it feels like to know that it’s you inside me.”

Janeway turned her head to gently kiss Lynne’s palm. “You don’t have to. I know exactly what you’re feeling. But I didn’t know it could be like this on the other end…you were so tight when I first went in, and now you’ve relaxed just a bit…I can feel your heat, and the way you’re holding on to me; it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

“I should hope you’ve never felt it before,” said Lynne. Her attempt at lightening the mood was rewarded with a powerful thrust that sent her head back to the pillow. Janeway settled herself on her forearms and began a series of long, hard strokes, watching in satisfaction as Lynne’s body jerked with each one. The telltale sounds of impending orgasm warned her in time, however, and she slowed her strokes once more.

“No…” Lynne groaned. “God, I was so close.”

“I know,” whispered Janeway. “You didn’t think I’d let it be that easy, did you?”

Lynne covered her eyes with a forearm. “You know, just because you always have to take the hardest path doesn’t mean I have to.”

Janeway pushed up onto her hands, giving herself the leverage she needed to answer properly. Pulling nearly all the way out, she slammed the phallus home with a force that wrung a choked cry from Lynne. Leaning forward to keep herself as fully buried as possible—and trying to ignore the vibrations that were dancing along her nerves—she said, “You don’t have any say in this, sweetheart. Deal with it.”

Lynne gave Janeway a look that could have frozen lava. Janeway nearly laughed—questioning Lynne’s control over any situation was always a surefire way of raising her ire. She understood it because she was the same way. Their mutual need for control was what made their lovemaking so incendiary at times, and she’d just lit a flame under Lynne.

Sure enough, Lynne’s hands came up towards her shoulders, and Janeway knew she was going to try to flip them over. In one fluid motion, she pushed her weight back onto her knees—which caused the phallus to pull out entirely—caught Lynne’s wrists, and let her body fall forward again. The force of her falling weight pinned Lynne’s arms to the mattress; the phallus had also slipped back in and was buried to the hilt with all of Janeway’s weight behind it. The scream that came out of Lynne had Janeway momentarily worried; that last thrust had been unintentional. She pulled back slightly, opening her mouth to ask if Lynne was all right—but then Lynne’s eyes opened, and the glaze of lust in them was anything but pained.

Janeway felt the bunching of muscles beneath her; Lynne was gathering herself to either buck her off or roll them over. She immediately pushed back in and pressed hard, maximizing the vibrations as she slowly rotated her hips. Briefly she retreated, only to return almost instantly and resume the pressure. The combination of quick strokes and longer periods of vibrations soon took all the fight out of Lynne, and Janeway felt her own arousal nearing the top of the scale. There was something about mastering Lynne, even if it was only for a few minutes, that sent her right to the edge. She gave up all attempts at drawing out the encounter, instead allowing her own needs to take over. All finesse went out the window as she repeatedly thrust into Lynne, deep and hard and with increasing speed as her own orgasm built and suddenly swept over her. Her strokes slowed as she shuddered, letting her head fall back and reveling in the dazzling sensations. It was indescribable, this feeling of coming inside Lynne. She hadn’t known it could be like this.

As the last shivers chased down her body, she looked down to see a smoldering green gaze staring back at her.

“Don’t you dare stop,” Lynne said in a choked voice, panting. “Not now.”

Janeway briefly considered pulling out and torturing Lynne for awhile before giving her satisfaction, but the heat in that glare soon changed her mind. Letting go of Lynne’s wrists, she settled back onto her forearms and resumed her strokes, watching her wife’s face in fascination as the signs of orgasm painted themselves across her swollen lips and flushed skin. It didn’t take long before Lynne closed her eyes and gave the long, keening cry that signified a tremendous orgasm. And Janeway felt it—a fluttering of the vaginal muscles that nearly sent her over the edge again. She gasped at the sensation, so incredibly intimate, and watched Lynne’s face at the ultimate moment of passion. When Lynne’s rigid body finally relaxed, Janeway took her mouth in a gentle kiss.

“You’re perfect,” she whispered.

A tired laugh answered her. “Sure, you say that now.”

“Lynne, I love you. Thank you for marrying me.”

The serious tone of her voice pierced Lynne’s fatigue, and she opened her eyes. “If I could move my arms,” she said, “I’d give you a big hug. But since my bones and muscles have completely liquefied, I’ll just say you’re welcome. And thank you for having the courage to ask. God only knows how long it would have taken if it’d been left up to me.”

“Oh, I think you would have gotten around to it.”

“Mmm.” Lynne was fading again, and Janeway watched fondly as her eyes fluttered shut and her breathing slowed. She didn’t think she was at all biased in judging Lynne beautiful just after orgasm; her lips were red and swollen and her color was high, making her eyes seem even more green than normal. When they were open, that is.

“I’m not looking forward to you pulling out,” said Lynne a minute later. She was coming around. “Those ridges felt incredible a few minutes ago, but I’ve got a feeling I’m not going to like them so much now.”

“Not a problem,” said Janeway. Careful not to cause any movement within Lynne, she pushed up, reached behind her for the control and swiftly reduced the joystick to its default size. Lynne hardly even felt her withdrawal.

“God, Kathryn, I should have done that for you. Why didn’t you say something?” Lynne was now fully revived and looked guilty.

“Because I was temporarily brain dead from that orgasm and I didn’t think of it.”

“Oh. Well, now I know. It won’t happen again. There are a lot of advantages to not having a real penis, aren’t there?”

There was a moment of silence as their eyes met.

The peace of the surrounding forest was shattered a few seconds later, as two women gave themselves over to uncontrollable laughter.

 

 

 

 

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Chapter 8

 

 

The moment Seven opened her eyes, she knew Revi had already departed. Stepping forward, she accessed the controls and found that the doctor had left only six minutes earlier. She frowned. That wasn’t like Revi; usually if their cycles were only a few minutes apart, the first one out waited for the other. Perhaps she’d been called away.

: Revi. :

: Yes, Seven. I’m sorry, I had to get to sickbay. Ensign Golwat has contracted the Bolian flu, gods only know how. :

Seven immediately felt much better. : I hope she recovers quickly. Is that zoonotic? :

: Yes, and it’s nasty. Fortunately, I think everyone was well away before she hit the contagious stage. But she’s in for a hard time, so I’ll be in sickbay for awhile. :

: Will you have time for lunch with me? :

There was an uncharacteristic pause. : What time? :

: Your convenience; I have no current demands on my time. I would like to take this opportunity to experience a human custom I’ve read about, called a “picnic.” But they are best shared, I’m told. :

: A picnic! You’re on, Seven. I haven’t done that since I was in school. Shall I just beam to your coordinates at 1330? :

: That would be…good. : Seven was trying to curb her tendency to use the word “acceptable.”

: All right. I’ll be there. Can I bring anything? :

: You may bring yourself. I look forward to your company. :

: And I to yours. See you in a few hours. :

Seven smiled. Revi sounded normal; she had been worrying for no reason. Inefficient. She exited the alcove unit and walked across the cargo bay to the replicator on the wall, planning her menu for the afternoon.

 

 

-----

 

 

The site Seven had chosen for her picnic showed the influence of her friendship with Lynne. Never one to spend time admiring terrestrial scenery, she had developed an appreciation for certain landscapes featured in Lynne’s holoprograms. Now she was standing in a verdant meadow, surrounded on all sides by rolling hills. A river bisected the meadow, providing a break in the grasses that were nearly as tall as Seven’s head. Large boulders edged the river, and it was on the flat top of one of these that she spread her blanket. Immediately one shortcoming to picnics became apparent, when the slight breeze flipped up the corners of the blanket. Seven weighted them down with small rocks, watched for verification of their efficacy, and when satisfied laid out her picnic. Her preparations complete, she sat on the blanket, observing the sunlight sparkling off the water and considering the various wavelengths of light to be seen planetside versus on a starship. Through their link she could hear Revi making her preparations to leave sickbay, and she waited with a tingle of anticipation.

A hum heralded her friend’s arrival, and Seven felt a smile coming unbidden to her lips. As she watched, Revi’s form solidified and she tilted her face to the sun.

: Gods, that feels fantastic! I’ve missed having the sun on my face. :

While Revi enjoyed the sun, Seven took pleasure in watching her. Her friend’s face was highlighted by the sunlight, throwing the sharp planes of her cheekbones in relief and accentuating the mahogany highlights in her black hair. She was beautiful, even more so than Kathryn Janeway, who had been Seven’s previous standard for the definition.

Revi’s eyes opened and she smiled. If she’d heard Seven’s thoughts, she gave no indication.

: Is there room on that rock for two? :

: Yes. I have all of the ingredients for a picnic, as defined by popular literature. Cold chicken, potato salad, bread and cheese, grapes—and I substituted a bottle of sparkling cider for the wine. :

: Sounds great! I’m famished. : Revi walked over to the boulder, settling down on the blanket with a sigh. : Ensign Golwat is one very unhappy woman. And I don’t blame her. It’s just cruel to be sick during shore leave. :

: I have observed various crew members incapacitated, or at least rendered extremely inefficient, by disease. It is a strange concept. :

Revi looked up from her plate, which she had already piled high with chicken. : You’ve never been sick? She shook her head almost before the thought had manifested itself in Seven’s mind. : No, of course not. I keep forgetting that you were assimilated as a child. :

: And there are many advantages to that. While I have been required to learn things that others take for granted, I have also been spared such things as disease or physical failure. : A memory surfaced in her mind, and she amended her statement. : With one exception. But that was an introduced virus, a biogenetic weapon. :

Revi continued to load her plate. : You’re good for me, Seven. I tend to think of the Borg in terms of what they took away from me, but you’re a reminder of the things I received as well. It is nice to be disease-free. And free of most signs of physical aging. :

: And to be stronger and faster and longer lived than full humans, : added Seven, : as well as housing the knowledge of thousands of species in our cortical implants. And to be able to communicate mind-to-mind as we are now. :

Revi took a bite, raised her eyebrows and smiled. : This is great, Seven. Thanks for arranging this. So tell me, oh She Who Is Grateful For Borg Gifts, do you miss it? :

She didn’t have to explain. Seven knew that she was referring to the Hive Mind, the connection to billions of minds that they had experienced as Borg—and a connection whose loss had rendered Seven nearly nonfunctional. She could easily recall the anger, fear and hatred she’d felt for Kathryn at the time, but now it seemed as if those emotions had belonged to a different person altogether. It was difficult to reconcile that individual with who she was today.

: I did. It took me a very long time to adapt to the silence. But I have not missed it since you came on board. Our connection has filled that need for me, while providing an entirely new level of communication that I had not known was possible. For that I have been very grateful. :

: I’m the one who should be grateful to you, Seven. Your friendship has been a true gift. :

: As has yours. : Seven raised her glass of cider. : Shall we drink to friendship? :

Revi flashed her a smile, raised her own glass, and nodded. : To friendship. A concept the Borg will never get, and which will long outlast them. :

They quietly consumed their picnic, watching the light playing off the river waters and discussing whatever came to mind. Seven learned that Revi and the Doctor were alternating their days off, having each given up half of their shore leave to deal with Ensign Golwat and any other medical needs that might arise. This led to a discussion of why Revi should be required to give up her leave for the Doctor, who was after all not an organic life form with a psychological need for time off planetside. Seven’s argument against it was, admittedly, colored by her desire to have Revi available to her for the next two weeks. Revi responded by saying that Seven of all people should acknowledge the rights of a sentient inorganic life form, since she herself bore more than a passing resemblance to a computer given the presence of her cortical implant and other remaining Borg hardware. Seven immediately showed Revi her memories of an argument she’d had with Kathryn about the Doctor, in which she’d used that exact logic—but added that this was not a question of rights, it was a question of needs. And Revi had a greater physiological need for non-recycled air and leisure time.

Revi grinned at her. : Oh, first it was psychological, now it’s physiological. Your logic is shifting, Seven. :

: Not shifting. Merely expanding. :

Revi was a worthy opponent in an argument, and Seven delighted in their exchange. She had never known another individual with whom conversation came so easily.

When the food had been consumed and the containers packed away, Seven concluded that it was time to make her statement. She had deliberately not allowed herself to think of the decision she’d made the night before, not wanting Revi to see it before she was prepared to present it coherently. This was one disadvantage of sharing thoughts—thoughts could be seen before they were quite ready, while they were still unformed and, sometimes, uninformed. But Seven had learned a new type of mental discipline since Revi’s arrival and had become more proficient at the mental compartmentalization required to keep such thoughts internal.

Now she was ready. Shifting her gaze from the river to the deep brown eyes of her friend, she allowed her thoughts to surface.

: Revi, I have asked you here for more than a sharing of nutrients. :

Puzzled, she watched as Revi suddenly straightened her posture, all semblance of relaxation ceasing immediately.

: I suspected as much. But I had hoped I was wrong. :

Seven looked more carefully into Revi’s mind, and understood there was no need to bring her wishes to the forefront of her mind. Revi had already seen them. What she did not understand was why her friend was reacting this way.

: You knew at the wedding. Is that why you left to regenerate without contacting me? : Another thought struck her. : Is that why you were afraid? :

: Yes. : Revi closed her eyes, her face tense. When she reopened them, they reflected emotions that were being blocked from their link: resignation and sorrow. : Seven, I’ve seen this coming for awhile. You’ve grown so much in the time I’ve known you, and you’re poised at the brink of a huge leap in your emotional growth. You’re at a vulnerable time, just discovering some of the most complex emotions that humans are capable of. Given our link and the things we have in common, it was only natural that you would focus those on me. But I’m just a crush. It’s your first time of feeling these things, and I know that you’ll move past them. I was hoping you’d move past them without ever saying anything to me, because I never wanted to hurt you. :

Seven knew very well that Revi harbored no intentions of harm toward her, and struggled to comprehend her friend’s reasoning. : You were afraid at the wedding…of causing me harm? :

: Yes. :

: I don’t understand—I know that you would never hurt me. Where then does your fear originate? :

: From the knowledge that I can’t return your feelings. :

Seven had considered this possibility, of course, but not quite as thoroughly as she had examined and prepared for more welcome possibilities. Obviously she should have given it a great deal more thought, because she was very much unprepared for the pain that swept through her.

And just as obviously, Revi felt that pain. Her eyes closed again and she shook her head before fixing Seven with a gaze that was full of sympathetic understanding.

: Do you believe you might be able to return my feelings in time? : Seven needed some measure of hope to aid her through this. The thought of Revi’s answer being permanent and unalterable was simply too difficult to process.

But Revi was not going to oblige.

: I’m sorry, Seven. I would if I could. You are a rare and beautiful mind, and anyone would be honored to be the object of your heart. As I am honored. But I can’t accept it. I can, however, offer you my continuing friendship and my willingness to be there for you, no matter what happens. :

Seven discovered that she no longer wished to see the expression in Revi’s eyes. She turned her head away, staring unseeingly at the river. A gentle hand touched her shoulder, and she felt an instant desire to shake it off. The next moment she wondered about her reaction—until now she had welcomed and even initiated physical contact with Revi.

: Seven, what you’re feeling is very normal. I understand it—but please don’t let it affect our friendship. You mean too much to me. Please believe that I never wanted to hurt you and I would have given anything to avoid this situation. I treasure our connection, but I just can’t be what you need me to be. :

And suddenly, Seven was angry. She didn’t want Revi to perceive her emotions, not if she didn’t return them. She felt hurt, vulnerable and powerless. It was intolerable that Revi should see her need, her desire, her hopes—and especially her pain—when she, Seven, was only allowed to see what Revi wished to show her. Which was insufficient, had always been insufficient, and now that she thought about it, their mental link was far too unbalanced for her comfort. There was more flowing from her to Revi than was ever returned, and while she hadn’t objected at first, she certainly did now. Seven knew very well that her emotions were not temporary. She may have been a novice at understanding and defining them, but that did not lessen their strength. She had done enough research to understand what Revi meant by a “crush,” and her feelings had a far greater depth than was indicated by that term. To have Revi constantly privy to her weakness was simply unacceptable.

Slowly, she turned her head and looked first at the hand on her shoulder, then into Revi’s eyes. Swallowing audibly, Revi withdrew her hand. : Seven, I’m sorry— :

“Teach me to block my emotions,” said Seven. The sound of her voice jarred their senses after an entire afternoon of mind-to-mind communication, and she watched as Revi physically drew back.

“What?”

Seven knew Revi had heard her. She didn’t bother to repeat herself, instead waiting for something worth responding to.

“Seven…please don’t do this. What you’re feeling right now is overwhelming, but I promise it will get better with time. Please don’t make any decisions now that you might regret later.”

“I won’t regret it. I have already let this continue for too long. You can prevent me from seeing your emotions; why would you not want me to have the same skill? Or have you enjoyed holding the position of strength?” Even if Revi hadn’t felt her anger through their link, she would have known it now by Seven’s cool tone and clipped speech.

Revi looked as if she’d been struck. “Seven, it’s not a competition! We’re friends. There is no position of strength, or weakness for that matter!”

“Then you can have no objection to teaching me.”

They stared at each other for several seconds in a silence that was both verbal and mental.

“All right,” said Revi at last. “I’ll teach you, and I would have no matter when you’d asked, so don’t accuse me of trying to maintain an imbalance in our relationship. I am your friend, no matter what you think right now, and I will be your friend for as long as you let me.”

Seven nodded. “I wish to begin now.”

“This might not be the best of times. It will be easier for you if your mind is…calmer.”

“Did you not just say you would teach me no matter when I asked?” Seven was ready to find another reason to add to her anger.

Revi held up her human hand and her cybernetic arm. “Yes I did, and yes, I’ll start now if you want. It’s just going to be a little more difficult, that’s all.”

“That is irrelevant. Proceed.”

Revi sighed and reached out through their link, sending images to illustrate a technique that could not be taught through words.

And Seven, who had anticipated spending her shore leave exploring her new emotions, instead spent it learning to block them.

She was an excellent student.

 

 

 

 

---

Chapter 9

 

 

Janeway slid down the length of the tree trunk and collapsed in a heap at its base. It was fortunate that the bark was so smooth, or her naked back would have paid a heavy price. As it was, she felt nothing but a welcome coolness, in contrast to the warm arms that had supported her slide and were now wrapped around her.

A chuckle sounded in her ear. “Good to know that I’ve still got it,” said Lynne.

“What, you were afraid you’d lose it in two weeks? I hope we last a lot longer than that.”

“I wasn’t afraid I’d lose it. I was afraid it would wear out.”

Janeway laughed. Lynne had a point—they’d certainly taken maximum advantage of their honeymoon. Two weeks of having an entire continent to themselves had been nothing short of paradise. They’d taken a day to recover from the wedding—and a second day to recover from their recovery—and had then begun ascending the mountain Lynne had picked out while they were still in orbit. Janeway snuggled into Lynne’s body, thinking about that climb and the new depth it had brought to their relationship.

 

 

-----

 

 

It was an enormous physical challenge, but Lynne had been the most solicitous and safe partner she could ever have wished for. She’d learned a number of new skills on that climb, and when they’d reached the top…well, as Lynne would say—wow. She’d been unprepared for the incredible sense of accomplishment, the pure emotions, that she’d felt as she stood there. Pride, certainly; but a different sort of pride than she normally experienced. This was a basic, bare-bones pride in her body and her ability to push it; so different from the pride she took as a captain and an explorer. If she’d been forced to define the difference, she would say that one was a physical pride and the other more cerebral.

And then there was a pure, giddy happiness that she couldn’t ever recall feeling before. Lynne felt it too, and made it obvious by dancing in circles at the summit, whooping with elation. Janeway couldn’t quite bring herself to such a display, but she understood why Lynne did it, and even she couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud in sheer, unadulterated joy. She felt…free.

They’d sat at the summit, looking at the incredible scenery, for hours. Mostly in silence, though there was some discussion about Janeway’s perception of the experience. It was elemental, Lynne told her. A mountain stripped you of all pretense. Mountains weren’t fooled by clothes, gear, money or status. They took you as you really were, and if you didn’t measure up you paid the price.

She had measured up—with a lot of help and encouragement from her wife—and she had felt supremely content, sitting there on top of the world. It was with a very real pang of loss that she had finally consented to begin their descent. She’d never wanted to leave. Ironic, actually, given that her presence there had been solely due to the compromise she’d made with Lynne over how they’d spend their honeymoon. Now she wanted to do it again. At last she understood the power that drew Lynne to her beloved mountains, and her only regret was that she hadn’t figured it out before this.

But the greatest gift that mountain gave to her, she thought, was Lynne herself. On the night that Lynne had proposed, she had also made a promise to open up more, to improve at sharing her thoughts, emotions and fears. In the last two months she had made a concerted effort to fulfill her promise, but Janeway could see how difficult it was for her. There had been no magical moment when their communication suddenly became effortless. Lynne had gotten better at answering direct questions, at responding more openly, but she still wasn’t volunteering information. Janeway had refrained from asking some of the more difficult questions, preferring to wait and hope that someday soon Lynne would feel comfortable enough to open up that final measure.

She had. On the evening of their first day on the mountain, when they crawled into bed in their Starfleet shelter and Janeway was sure she’d never move again, Lynne offered to massage her sore muscles. Not being a fool, Janeway had immediately agreed. She’d relaxed in their soft bed, luxuriating in the feel of her wife’s hands. And there, in the warmth and darkness of their shelter, Lynne had begun to talk. She told Janeway stories about growing up in the mountains of Colorado, about her relationship with her parents, about how much she missed them. Janeway had closed her eyes and simply listened to Lynne’s low voice, afraid that if she said anything, anything at all, the moment would end. When Lynne finished her massage and lay down beside her, Janeway had snuggled in, kissed her gently, and thanked her.

On the second day of the climb, Lynne told her more stories as they made their way up the mountainside. In return, Janeway related a few childhood and young adult tales of her own.

“How could I have known you for a year and not known that you studied sign language?” Lynne had been astonished.

“Because it never came up, sweetheart. But it can be very handy.”

“Show me.”

So they’d spent a wonderful afternoon practicing, and Lynne had proved to be a quick study. One of the first things Janeway showed her was a version of I love you that she had created. “There are two main variations,” she’d said, demonstrating both. “But I never liked them because they’re so overt. It’s like shouting your feelings to the world. So I use this one—” she made the hand sign with her palm out and thumb, forefinger and pinky extended—“but I do it over my heart.” Reversing her hand position, she held the sign against her heart. “Same concept, but closer to the vest.”

“And very you,” Lynne had said with a smile. “You never like to advertise.”

That night in the shelter, Janeway received another massage—and another night of emotional intimacy. For the first time, Lynne spoke of her fears of returning to Earth, her worries about the expectations that the Hamilton Foundation would impose on her. She admitted her pain at leaving her parents, and how difficult it had been to suffer that pain alone. She hadn’t shared it with Janeway because she didn’t want her to feel guilty about her decision. When Janeway rolled over and took her in her arms, Lynne had buried her face in her neck and quietly cried. And they had talked, finally talked, about the decision that had cost them both in such different ways.

On the morning of the third day, they’d made the summit. And there she’d seen Lynne dancing in pure joy, bringing tears to her own eyes. It actually hurt to see her so happy, knowing how much loss and sorrow her wife carried inside. The contrast cut into her heart like a fine, narrow blade.

The descent had taken two more days, and each night the same pattern played out. Lynne would massage Janeway’s tired muscles and talk, her low voice filling the shelter with an intimate rhythm, making Janeway’s heart ache with sympathy, grief, and love. The first night of their descent, Lynne had recalled her terror of losing Janeway’s love the day she returned from the Tsian home world. She spoke of how overwhelming the fear had been, and of her certain knowledge that she could not survive the loss. Not after losing everything else. And then she described the bliss, the joy, the nearly incapacitating relief of learning that Janeway still loved her…and there, in the darkness of their Starfleet shelter, her voice had fallen silent as their bodies slid together and they made a slow, reaffirming love that felt like a benediction.

On their last night, Janeway had insisted that Lynne relax and let her give the massage. All through it Lynne uttered no sound save quiet little murmurs of contentment, and Janeway had felt a deep pang of disappointment. She suspected that Lynne’s openness was related to their presence on the mountain, the one place where Lynne was truly in control; where she felt safe. And she worried that when they left the mountain behind, this intimacy would be lost as well. When the massage ended, she’d slipped under the sheets and closed her eyes with a sigh. The moonlight streaming in through the transparent ceiling seemed cold and remote, and Janeway could feel a slight depression settling in.

But Lynne had just been waiting. She rose up to straddle Janeway’s body, and this time, as her warm hands sought out tight muscles and coaxed them to relax, she spoke of Dakmor. Of how the full impact of her first kill hadn’t hit her until weeks after the fact; how she’d sought solace in meditation; how she had come to accept the truth of Janeway’s words—that she’d crossed a line that could not be uncrossed. And how Janeway’s total acceptance of her made her own journey toward acceptance easier. She knew that she still had a long way to go, but she thought she’d get there eventually. Then she’d leaned down to gently kiss Janeway’s spine, and told her that she had also come to accept the fact that she would not hesitate to kill again if Janeway’s life were in danger—or that of any member of the crew. They were her family and she would not lose family again. She’d crossed the line.

Janeway had rolled over to look at her, watching the determined expression on a face that seemed regal in the silver moonlight. She’d opened her arms and welcomed Lynne into them, holding her tight and eventually hearing her breathing even out and deepen. And she had prayed to whatever deity might be out there, to bring Voyager home and spare both of them from further loss.

Upon arriving at the foot of the mountain, they’d packed up and transported to a lovely beach for the second half of their honeymoon. The warmth, the opportunity to simply lie around and do nothing—and most importantly, having no one for thousands of miles in any direction—had liberated Janeway to a previously unimaginable extent. She’d relaxed so much that by their second day, clothing had seemed too much to bother with, and for the first time in her life she had no tan lines anywhere on her body. Well, that wasn’t quite true—on a starship one tended to have a uniform skin tone as well, but that was due to a lack of sunlight. Now she was bronzed all over, and she reveled in the freedom she felt while strolling down the beach in nothing but the suit she was born in. It didn’t hurt that Lynne was similarly unconcerned about clothing, and Janeway knew she’d never get tired of watching that body on display.

They’d played in the warm surf, the white sand, and the crystal clear waters of a river that ended its long journey at their campsite. Lynne pointed out that the river’s headwaters were on the very mountain they’d climbed, which made it all the more special to Janeway’s eyes.

And of course they’d made love. A lot. In every conceivable way, position and manner, though Janeway had noticed that over the last two days their lovemaking had become extremely gentle. Games, toys and power plays were very fun, but as they neared the end of this priceless time together, the fun had segued into a need to quietly communicate the depth of their love, in the last bit of time left to them before their normal roles and responsibilities came crashing back down. It was not something Janeway looked forward to. These two weeks had been the most rejuvenating break she’d had in six years, and now, on their last day, she was certain that it hadn’t been long enough. Hell, two months wouldn’t be long enough.

 

 

-----

 

 

Lynne stirred at her side, dropping a kiss on her throat and giving her a loving squeeze. “My back’s killing me, love,” she said. “I need to lay down.” She pulled away and sprawled full length in the sand. “Ahhhh. Much better.” After a long and luxurious stretch, she regarded Janeway with a sultry gaze. “Can we take that tree back with us?”

“I wish we could.” Janeway craned her head back, looking up into the tropical foliage that rustled quietly in the gentle breeze. “It certainly holds some very fine memories for me.”

“This whole place holds fine memories for me,” said Lynne. “If anyone had ever told me that I could be happy sitting on my ass for an entire week, doing nothing but reading books and having occasional sex, I would have laughed in their faces. I think I’m getting old.”

Janeway threw a handful of sand onto Lynne’s bare stomach. “Old my ass. And the sex has been anything but occasional. You’re relentless.”

Lynne sat up, the sand flowing off her body in thin white streams. “Me! I beg to differ, oh insatiable one. Whoever said that a woman’s sex drive peaks at thirty-four hadn’t met you. Or maybe you did peak at thirty-four, in which case I’m glad I didn’t meet you until now. I wouldn’t have survived.”

They grinned at each other, the argument having already become a tradition between them. But their grins faded, and their expressions became much more somber.

“It’s time to pack, isn’t it?” Lynne sounded hopeful that maybe, just maybe, Janeway would say no.

But she couldn’t. “Yes, it is. I want to stay as much as you do. This has been a priceless moment in time, and one I’ll never forget. But unless we want to colonize the planet, we’ve got to get moving.”

“I’m up for colonization. Dibs on this continent. We can always go visit the others if we want company.” Janeway simply raised her eyebrows, and Lynne sighed. “I know. So, do you think we should get dressed? And how weird is that going to feel?”

“Weird.” Janeway laughed. “But somehow I don’t think I could effectively command a starship in my current attire.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Lynne licked her lips. “I’d obey any command you gave me, that’s for sure.”

Janeway got up on all fours, leaned over to drop a quick kiss on her wife, and then stood up. “You already have, sweetheart.” She held out a hand.

Lynne allowed herself to be pulled up. “True,” she agreed cheerfully. “But if you ever say anything I’ll deny it.”

Janeway snorted. “Somehow I don’t think that’s going to come up in conversation any time soon.”

After one last dip in the ocean, they took less than an hour to dismantle the shelter and pack their totes. The sun was setting, and by unspoken agreement they stayed to use every last minute of their time on Bliss. Standing hand in hand, they silently watched the sun slip beneath the water, its final rays lighting up the high clouds in a riot of orange and red.

Lynne squeezed Janeway’s hand. “You know, that’s something I never got used to in our whole two weeks here,” she said.

“The sunset?”

“No, the fact that the sun looks twice as big as ours. It’s the only thing about this planet that’s truly alien to me.”

“You get used to it eventually,” said Janeway. “After awhile you stop noticing that the sun, satellites and stars are different. You know what will be totally alien to me? Seeing Sol again, and the Moon, and the constellations from Earth.”

“You have been out here too long,” said Lynne.

“I know.”

Lynne tugged her hand again. “You’ll see them again, Kathryn. I know we’ll get there eventually.”

Janeway met Lynne’s eyes, loving the way they glowed a brilliant green in the last rays of the sun. “Then we’d better get started.”

Without breaking their gaze, she activated her comm badge. “Janeway to Voyager. Two to beam directly to the Captain’s quarters.”

She felt the familiar tingle as they left Bliss behind forever.

 

 

 

 

---

Chapter 10

 

 

One of the few things that made leaving easier, thought Janeway the next morning, was the anticipation of what she was about to do. She and Lynne had plotted this out, and she was looking forward to it with a rather un-captainlike glee. The small box concealed in her hand was going to cause quite a stir in a few minutes.

The turbolift doors opened, and she stepped onto her bridge for the first time in two weeks.

“Captain on the bridge!” called Harry, and her entire crew stood at attention. Janeway stopped for a moment, taken aback at the formal gesture of respect. Then she strode to her chair and settled happily into the indentation in the seat cushion; the one made by her and for her alone.

“As you were. Status report, Chakotay.”

His smile was huge and completely incongruous to the command, but since Janeway was smiling just as much it didn’t seem to matter.

“All systems are optimal and we are on course for the Alpha Quadrant.”

Optimal. Not just “go,” the shorthand term for “functional,” but optimal—meaning in tip top, absolutely perfect condition. The way she always wanted her ship to be, but so rarely saw in reality.

“Excellent,” she said. She slowly looked around the bridge, making a show of her inspection. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”

Everyone on the bridge laughed, and they settled in to work. Chakotay and Janeway spent a few minutes catching up on news, and when the immediate concerns were resolved, she winked at him and stood up. “Ensign Culhane, take the helm,” she said in her best commanding voice. “Mr. Kim, Mr. Paris—in my ready room.” Without waiting for a response, she turned and left the bridge. By the time Harry and Tom made it into her ready room, she had slipped the box behind her terminal and assumed a rigid posture in her chair. Responding to her earlier command and her body language—and perhaps a well-honed sense of guilt—both men stood at attention in front of her desk. Janeway let them stand for a few moments in silence before speaking.

“You know,” she said in a low voice, “I’ve taken a great deal of pride in the way this crew has forged itself into more than just the sum of its parts. We’ve become a family, and I’ve deliberately relaxed some of the normal protocols between captain and crew in order to facilitate this. But I certainly haven’t relaxed all of them. So what on earth made you think your wedding gift was even remotely appropriate?”

She waited, curious to see if either of them would save their skins by pointing the finger at B’Elanna. They certainly had the right to, since they’d truthfully had no idea what the chief engineer had planned to do with their rations. But to her quiet satisfaction, neither man chose that option.

Tom, as always, was the first to speak up. Staring straight ahead, he said, “We’re sorry, Captain, if our gift caused any…” He stopped, and Janeway could practically see him casting about for a word that wouldn’t get him thrown in the brig. “Uh, I mean we’re sorry that you felt it was inappropriate. We just wanted to get you something special.” He cringed as the last word came out of his mouth.

Harry tried to save him. “Yeah, we, uh, we just wanted you to know how much we respect you and Lynne, and…” he stuttered to a halt as Janeway fixed him with a glare.

“Somehow,” she said, “I think ‘respect’ was the furthest thing from your mind.” She looked at Tom, who wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Mr. Paris, you’re dismissed.”

Startled, he looked at her for the first time. “Captain?”

“I know you weren’t the one who came up with this brilliant idea. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like a word with Mr. Kim. Alone.”

“But Captain, Harry didn’t—”

“Dismissed, Mr. Paris. Don’t make me say it again.”

Tom looked from her to Harry in obvious distress. “Yes, Captain,” he said unhappily, and left the room.

As soon as the door shut behind him, Janeway got up from her chair and paced around her desk, watching Harry’s posture grow even more tense as she approached him. She stopped in front of him, resting a hip against her desk.

“At ease, Ensign, before you sprain something,” she said.

He began to assume the military at ease posture, but then stopped and looked at her in confusion, obviously making the connection. She’d said those exact words to him the very first time she’d walked onto Voyager’s bridge, at Utopia Planitia.

Janeway smiled. “You’re not in trouble.”

“I’m not?” It came out as a squeak, and Harry immediately blushed and cleared his throat. Janeway managed not to laugh, but it was touch and go for a moment.

“No. That little performance was just for Tom’s benefit. Even if this wasn’t his doing, he’s been involved in enough scams, jokes and general bending of regulations that a little disciplinary scare can only be good for him. And now he’s on the bridge, sweating over what dastardly punishment I’m inflicting on you.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m planning to let him sweat for a bit longer. Besides, I really did want to speak with you alone.”

Harry relaxed. “What about, Captain?”

“About you.”

His eyes showed an instant return of nervousness, and she shook her head. “After six years, Harry, do I still scare you that much?”

“When you come back from a two-week honeymoon and the first thing you do is call me on the carpet? Yes.”

This time Janeway did laugh. “Fair enough. But I’ve been thinking about those six years. When I first met you, you were so green I really was afraid you’d sprain something. You’ve come a long way since then. You’ve made a few mistakes, but you always learned from them. Your loyalty and honor are above reproach. And you’ve made some tremendously valuable contributions to our mission and our journey.”

She reached behind her for the box. “I think it’s time that I recognized your contributions with something more substantial than a thank you.” Opening the box, she displayed the lieutenant’s pip nestled inside, and watched Harry’s eyes go wider than she had ever seen them.

“That’s…that’s a full lieutenant’s pip,” he said in wonder.

“Under normal circumstances you would have been promoted to lieutenant junior grade long ago, Harry. I didn’t do it because I had no place to promote you into. By now you should be a full lieutenant, given your service record. And I still have no place to promote you into, but I’m no longer so concerned about that. You understand that this promotion does not entail a change in duties or responsibilities?”

“Of course, Captain.”

“Then, Lieutenant Kim, I’d say you’re underdressed.” She took the pip from the box and carefully affixed it to Harry’s collar. When she stepped back, she could have sworn he’d grown six centimeters. His pride was a palpable presence in the room.

“Computer, note in log. Due to his exemplary performance of duty, his innovation, and his increasing value to this crew, I am promoting Ensign Harry Kim to full Lieutenant, with all of the privileges that rank implies. Authorization Janeway Gamma nine eight one three.”

“So noted,” said the computer.

“Congratulations, Harry,” she said more softly. “You’ve earned it.”

“Thank you, Captain.” He still sounded as if he couldn’t quite believe it. But then a grin came over his face. “Hey, I outrank Tom now.”

“Yes, you do. Enjoy it. Tom’s due for a promotion to full lieutenant too, but you’ve got some time to lord it over him.” Lynne had lobbied to promote both of them at once, but Janeway felt that a little humility would do Tom a world of good. He’d matured a great deal since she’d stripped his rank, and his growth had continued after she’d reinstated it nearly a year later. But he was still a bit too cocky for his own good sometimes, and having his best friend outrank him would force him to alter his thinking a bit.

“Believe me, I will.” Harry’s grin faded. “Uh, Captain? Are any of us in trouble over that gift?”

Janeway appreciated his tact. What he was really asking was whether B’Elanna was in trouble, and she knew he’d jump to her defense if given the opportunity.

“No,” she said. “Despite the nature of the gift, what I choose to remember is that all three of you donated a large number of replicator rations for it. You were all very generous, and we appreciated the thought.”

“Oh.”

Janeway patted him on the shoulder and walked back around her desk. As she sat in her chair, Harry asked the million-latinum question. She would never have thought he’d have the guts. Tom, yes, but not Harry.

“So does that mean the gift was okay?”

Keeping her face completely blank, Janeway said, “You’re dismissed, Lieutenant.”

He instantly turned red, knowing he’d gone too far, and mumbled an apology before beating a hasty retreat. Janeway waited until the door closed before giving free rein to her amusement.

Harry, if you only knew!

 

 

-----

 

 

With the exception of the uproar created when Harry’s new pip was first noticed, the rest of the day had been resoundingly uneventful. Janeway could hardly believe that things had gone so smoothly for two entire weeks. And because those weeks had included a ship-wide shore leave following a total ship overhaul, there wasn’t even any work for her to catch up on. She wondered, as she took the turbolift back to deck three, if they shouldn’t have stayed for a month. Except for those casualty reports, of course. Statistically, a starship was more likely to incur casualties from shipwide shore leave than from away missions. Of course, the injuries were usually less severe, but what they lacked in severity they made up for in number. There was something about releasing an entire crew to outdoor activities that brought out the risk-taker—and sometimes, she thought ruefully, the idiot—in all of them. The Doctor and Revi had been busy for the last two weeks. She had already sent them both authorization for additional leave, since they hadn’t enjoyed the same length of shore leave that the rest of the crew had.

Walking into her quarters, she stopped just inside the door and stared, a smile breaking out over her face.

“Hi, love,” said Lynne, who was sitting on the couch with a book in her hand. She tilted her head to one side. “Is there a reason you’re just standing there?”

“Mm hmm. I’m taking a moment to look at the most amazing thing in the quadrant.”

Lynne made a show of looking to each side and then behind her, turning back to smile at Janeway. “And where is this amazing thing?”

“Right in front of me,” said Janeway. She crossed the floor and stood between Lynne’s legs. “I’ve had a fantasy for some time now of coming home from my shift and finding you waiting here. In our quarters. This is the first time it’s happened since you moved in.”

Lynne reached up and pulled a willing captain down for a kiss.

“I’ve had that fantasy too,” she said when they broke apart. “But there’s only one of me, so I guess I’ll never get to see it come true.”

Janeway shook her head and walked into the bedroom, where she wasted no time stripping off her uniform and putting on more comfortable clothes. When she came back into the living room, Lynne raised an eyebrow.

“Well, the honeymoon really is over, isn’t it? Baggy pants and a t-shirt? Tell me, do you have an old ratty Starfleet Academy sweatshirt with holes ripped in it? ‘Cause that would complete the look.”

Janeway flopped onto the couch with an exaggerated lack of grace. “Yes, but I’m saving that for later. I thought I’d start the decline gradually at first.”

The grin she received made her warm all over. God, she was happy.

“Well, just so you know,” said Lynne, “you look better in baggy clothes than anyone has a right to.”

“Oh, so the honeymoon isn’t over.” Janeway lifted her shirt to just beneath her breasts, teasing Lynne with a flash of tanned skin. “Maybe I got dressed too soon?”

Lynne dropped her book, leaned over and placed a series of very soft kisses on the exposed stomach. Just as Janeway was melting into a puddle, she felt fingernails raking down her ribcage and nearly exploded off the couch.

“You wench!” she shouted, laughing and catching her breath. “There will be paybacks.”

But before they could get into a full tickle fight, the entry chime rang.

They looked at each other.

“I guess we’re back,” said Janeway. They drew apart, straightening their clothes out before Janeway called, “Come.”

The door opened to reveal Seven of Nine. “Kathryn, Lynne.” Seven stepped across the threshold and nodded her greeting, but did not move beyond the doorway.

“Seven! Please, come in. It’s so good to see you!” said Janeway, smiling as she stood to greet their guest. She’d missed Seven.

“Thank you. It is good to see you as well.” Seven walked in and stopped in the center of the room. To the untrained eye she appeared cool and poised as usual, but Janeway could see that she was distressed. It showed in her eyes, the line of her mouth, and the too-erect stance.

“I apologize for coming here so soon after your honeymoon,” said Seven. “But I have no one else to speak with and I…I am in need of a philosophical discussion.”

Over the years their “philosophical discussions” had ranged from dispassionate debates of philosophy to all-out raging arguments, but in the last year the phrase had come to mean that Seven needed advice. Janeway was instantly concerned; she could only imagine one thing that might disturb Seven this much. She flashed a glance at Lynne, who had risen from the couch and looked as worried as she was.

“You don’t need to apologize,” said Janeway gently. “Our door is always open for you.” She took a step closer and reached out for Seven’s hand. “What’s wrong?”

Seven stared at their linked hands. “I am having…difficulties adapting to my current emotions,” she said in a small voice. With her thumb she gently touched Janeway’s wedding ring, apparently fascinated with it. When she finally looked up, Janeway caught her breath at the naked pain in her face. Purely on instinct, she pulled Seven in and wrapped her up in a hug, feeling her rigid body eventually relax as Seven allowed their bodies to mold together.

“Is it Revi?” asked Janeway quietly. She felt a nod, even as Seven took in a quick, tiny gasp of air. This was followed by another, and then another, and Janeway realized to her complete horror that Seven was crying. She tightened her arms around the slender body and began a slight rocking motion, wondering what the hell she was going to do. She’d been so worried about this, but Revi had assured her…dammit! For a moment she was overcome with a hot anger toward Revi, but quickly buried it. Enough time for that later if it were warranted; for now she needed to be there for Seven.

With her head resting against Seven’s shoulder, she watched as Lynne went to the replicator and called up three steaming mugs on a tray. Turning with the tray in her hand, Lynne met her eyes and tilted her head toward the couch.

Janeway gave Seven a final squeeze and carefully pulled away. Seven immediately wiped her cheek and sniffled. “I am not pleased to have reacquired this particular human trait,” she said distastefully. “It’s inefficient and seems to serve only as a means of enhanced mucous production. I don’t see the benefit.”

“It’s supposed to make you feel better,” said Janeway. When Seven frowned she quickly added, “but I’ve never found that to be true. I usually just feel stuffed up and uncomfortable.”

Seven nodded, her brow smoothing out. “Yes, that’s what I feel. What is the purpose of occluding the nasal passages?”

“That’s one of those great mysteries—I’ve never figured out any sort of biological advantage to it. Come and sit with us, Seven.” She tugged the tall ex-Borg toward the couch, intentionally holding onto one hand to keep a physical connection. Seven seemed to appreciate it; at least, she didn’t pull away. Janeway sat on the couch, pulling Seven down with her, and Lynne arrived a moment later with their drinks. As Seven looked up toward her, she saw for the first time the new art that hung on the wall opposite the couch.

“My gift,” she said, surprised. “You’ve displayed it in a highly visible location.”

“Of course,” said Janeway. “We love it, Seven. We wanted to put it in a place of honor, where anyone who came to our quarters would see it.”

If she didn’t know any better, she’d think Seven actually looked shy.

“I had not anticipated that it would be in such a public place,” she said.

“Do you not want others to see it?”

“No, it’s…a surprise. A pleasant one.”

“Well, the gift was a pleasant surprise to us,” said Lynne. “I think it’s amazing, even if it’s not photorealism.” She smiled at Seven as she handed her a mug. “Here. One property of hot cocoa I forgot to mention to you earlier is that it’s comfort food.” At Seven’s raised eyebrow, she explained. “It comforts me when life’s a little too much to handle. Different people have different comfort foods; hot cocoa is mine.” Passing a cup of coffee to Janeway, she added, “When I’m really in need of comfort, I call it a two-cocoa night. So if you need another one later on, just say the word.”

Seven sipped at her mug, looked up, and said, “What word?”

Lynne paused in the act of picking up her own mug. “I think that would be ‘please.’ But you know what? I’m not really sure. Anyway, just let me know if you want another.”

“What is your comfort food, Kathryn?” asked Seven.

Janeway smiled to herself. No matter how distressed Seven might be, she was still motivated to assimilate new information.

“Well, it’s not quite as healthy as Lynne’s,” she admitted. “When I need comforting, I call up a whiskey and soda. The synthehol helps.”

“It comforts you to impede your mental processes?”

This time Janeway’s smile showed on the outside. “I know it’s hard for you to imagine, Seven, but sometimes I really don’t want to think clearly.”

“That’s not difficult for me to understand at all, Kathryn. I can appreciate the appeal of such an outcome. If it were possible for me to dull my mental processes right now, I would do so.”

Okay, now I’m really worried. Janeway brought one bent leg up on the sofa, the better to face Seven. “What happened?” she asked gently.

Although Seven’s words were matter-of-fact, her tone was not. “I expressed my wish to Revi that we share a publicly acknowledged monogamous relationship. She did not share that desire. And now…I don’t know how to stop feeling these emotions.” She looked at Lynne. “In all our discussions of dating and romantic attraction, you never spoke of the possibility of unrequited love. I now find myself in an untenable situation. Had I known this might be the outcome, I would never have begun exploring these concepts. It’s too…painful.”

Lynne leaned forward and put her mug down with a click. “Seven, are you telling us that Revi said she’s not attracted to you?”

“She said that she was ‘just a crush’ and that she could not return my feelings.”

Lynne looked at Janeway, her face hardening. “Son of a bitch!” she exploded.

“Lynne,” warned Janeway. Lynne threw her hands up in the air and slammed back into her chair, arms crossed over her chest. Janeway could feel the anger rolling off her, and didn’t blame her a bit. She was pissed too, but now was not the time to show it.

Seven tilted her head. “Are you referring to Revi?”

Lynne shot another angry glance at Janeway and uncrossed her arms, making a visible effort to calm down. “Yes, I am,” she said. “I’m sorry, Seven, but I think Revi’s being an idiot. Anyone can see she has feelings for you.”

Seven shook her head sadly. “I wish that were true. But it’s not possible to lie through a Borg interlink; therefore, if Revi said she could not return my feelings, then indeed she cannot.”

But Janeway, who was well used to the art of talking around the truth and using semantics to hide the misdirection, saw exactly what Revi had done. She also knew that Seven would not respond to any intuition on her part regarding Revi’s feelings. She’d have to use pure logic to lead Seven to the right conclusion, and for that, she needed all the details.

“Seven,” she said, “I think Lynne and I are a bit behind on the chronology here. When we left for our honeymoon, you and Revi were still just friends. What happened between then and now?”

“During your wedding ceremony,” said Seven, “I experienced a sudden understanding of emotions that had been occupying my mind with increasing intensity since shortly after Revi’s arrival on board Voyager. I had already informed her of my romantic attraction—”

“Whoa, wait,” said Lynne. “When did you do that?”

“Stardate 53902.6,” answered Seven promptly.

Janeway’s eyes widened slightly. That was only one week after Revi’s arrival. “What did she say?” she asked.

“She asked to look into my mind to verify my assumption, then agreed that was indeed what I was feeling.”

“Did she indicate her own feelings on the matter?”

“She said she could hardly believe that my attraction was directed at her, because I could have anyone I wanted. She felt she wasn’t good enough for me. I asked her why she would feel unworthy.” Seven frowned. “She did not answer. Instead she indicated that our mind-to-mind communication was difficult for her because she cared what I thought about her. She said that if I judged her, it would hurt. I reminded her that I had not judged her, and she said I hadn’t yet, but I also did not know her that well.”

Janeway caught Lynne’s eye, and a knowing look passed between them. Seven saw it and raised her eyebrow.

“You have drawn a conclusion,” she stated.

“I think Lynne and I have both come to the same conclusion. But you haven’t finished your story, Seven. You said that you’d come to a sudden understanding during our ceremony.”

Seven nodded. “While listening to your vows, I was able to define the emotions that have been associated with Revi. In addition to the romantic attraction, I was feeling a sense of incompleteness; a desire for an intimate relationship similar to that which you have. I then understood that when I am fully connected with Revi, when our link becomes fully active, I feel complete. I require her presence in my mind and my life to be…happy.” She frowned slightly, as if the term did not quite apply to her. “I wished for Revi and I to choose each other as partners, and I envisioned the two of us in a joining ceremony of our own. Of course, Revi was aware of these thoughts. When I looked at her, her emotional shielding slipped and I felt her fear. I asked her what she was afraid of, and she would not answer. During my toast, however, she seemed normal. I anticipated further discussion of this situation, but before I could locate Revi at the reception, she left and entered a regeneration cycle. I found this odd, given that our normal cycle did not begin for another nine point three hours. The next morning I invited her to a picnic lunch, and there I expressed my desire for a monogamous relationship with her. When she…rejected me, I became angry. She told me that my feelings were normal, and I found myself wishing that she could not read my emotions. I therefore asked her to teach me to block my emotions from our interlink. She agreed, and we have worked on the technique for the last two weeks. I’ve become proficient at it.”

“So she can’t tell what you’re feeling right now?” asked Lynne.

“Currently she’s regenerating,” said Seven. “While she can no longer sense my emotions, she can still hear my thoughts, and I did not wish her to be privy to this conversation.” Her voice faltered and became very quiet. “I’ve altered my regeneration schedule so that we are no longer synchronized. When she first came on board, our interlink brought me such relief that I couldn’t bear to be active when she was regenerating—the silence was overwhelming. Yet now, at times, I seek that same silence. It is…difficult.”

Janeway leaned forward and put her hand on Seven’s knee. “It’s difficult for anyone in your situation, Seven, and believe me—what you’re feeling is not uncommon. Actually, I think it happens more often than not. Most of the time, two people just don’t feel the same things for each other at the same time. But that doesn’t mean your relationship with Revi will stop at this point. It also doesn’t mean that Revi isn’t attracted to you.”

“It doesn’t?”

“No. She is attracted to you. Very much so, and openly enough that both Lynne and I have seen it. But I don’t think she recognizes it herself, or if she does, she won’t let herself act on it. That fear you felt at the reception, Seven—it was her fear of your hopes and emotions. Revi is afraid of letting herself feel the same way. She’s afraid of letting you get too close to her emotionally.”

Seven shook her head. “I appreciate your efforts to give me hope, but they are not necessary. I prefer to deal with reality over fantasy. In fact, I’m surprised that you would speak this way in view of the facts. It is counter to your usual methodology.”

“I’m not dealing in fantasy here, Seven. I’m simply pointing out that you don’t have all the facts.”

For a moment Janeway thought Seven might get angry; certainly the flash in her eyes indicated that she was not pleased to hear such an assertion. “Kathryn,” she said in a somewhat cool tone, “you do not share an interlink with Revi. I do. And I assure you that I know precisely what Revi thinks and what she means. She is not romantically attracted to me, not in the way I would wish, and she cannot return my feelings. She made that very clear.”

“And it’s impossible to lie through a Borg interlink.”

“That is correct.” It was a statement of pure Borg faith.

“But is it possible to not tell the whole truth?”

Clearly the question took Seven by surprise. Blinking, she said, “I…I believe that it would be possible. But I can’t imagine a circumstance in which it would be necessary.”

“Can’t you? Didn’t you choose to come here now, during Revi’s regeneration, so that she couldn’t hear what you’re thinking? Wasn’t that choice a means of denying her access to the whole truth of your thoughts?”

Several seconds of silence passed, which, for a conversation with Seven, was a very long time. At last she nodded. “I didn’t view my actions in those terms. I only wished to prevent Revi from seeing my weakness.”

A small sound caused both of them to look toward Lynne, who appeared somewhat guilty at interrupting their intense exchange. “Sorry,” she said, “but it just kills me to hear you say that, Seven. You are not weak because you have feelings for Revi. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever known.”

“But if I require something of Revi that she does not require of me, then an imbalance of power occurs,” Seven said. “In this instance, it is a weakness.”

Before Lynne could respond, Janeway stepped back in. “Seven, I think Revi just wants you to believe she doesn’t share your feelings. It’s not the truth.”

“Then what is the truth?” Seven appeared to be at the end of her patience. “And how has she concealed it from me?”

“By telling you part of it,” said Janeway. “It’s an old diplomatic trick; I use it all the time myself. Tell someone part of the truth, and chances are pretty good that they won’t look any further for the rest of it. Revi told you that she could not return your feelings. What she didn’t say was that she did not return them.”

Seven stared at her, and Janeway knew she was going over every conversation she and Revi had ever had on the topic. Eventually the realization shone in her eyes. “She has never said that. She has never expressly denied experiencing a romantic attraction toward me.”

“She can’t, Seven. It wouldn’t be true. You’d recognize it for the lie that it was. So she told you the truth, but phrased it—or thought it—in such a way that you would take it at face value and not look beyond the surface.”

Seven was plainly stunned. “I had thought that mind-to-mind communication made such prevarication and misdirection impossible. I believed that when our thoughts were one, we would know everything about each other and there would be no misunderstanding. And now you tell me that she has intentionally caused just such a misunderstanding.” She paused, and when she spoke again her voice had become very quiet. “Did she not realize that it would hurt me?”

Janeway felt her heart break into several pieces. It was the question of a bewildered child who could not understand why she had been treated cruelly. But Seven was no child, and Revi certainly hadn’t been intentionally cruel. She looked at Lynne, who immediately rose from her chair and came around to sit on the coffee table.

“I don’t think Revi ever wanted to hurt you,” said Lynne. “I can’t know what’s going on in her head, but I do know that you mean a great deal to her. It may be that she honestly doesn’t realize how much she means to you.”

“That does not excuse deliberate injury, particularly one caused by misdirection. If she is capable of such an action, then she cannot be capable of the type of relationship I desire. Perhaps my emotions are misplaced.”

“Relationships aren’t that simple, Seven. It’s possible to love someone and still hurt them, accidentally or on purpose, by withholding the truth or even deliberately saying things you know are going to cause pain.” Lynne shot Janeway a look of apology, took a breath, and added, “I’ve hurt Kathryn in just that way.”

Seven stared. “That is difficult to believe. Your relationship is perfection. My goal in pursuing emotional intimacy with Revi has been to attain a relationship similar to yours, and now you wish me to accept that you have intentionally injured your partner?”

Janeway wasn’t going to let Lynne take this on alone. “Believe it,” she said. “And she isn’t the only one. I’ve hurt Lynne the same way. It’s perfectly normal, Seven. What makes or breaks a relationship isn’t whether you hurt each other; it’s how often, the reasons behind the injury, and how you deal with it afterwards that matters.”

Seven looked back and forth between them. “Do you often cause such injury?”

“No,” said Janeway and Lynne simultaneously. They smiled at each other, and Lynne gestured for Janeway to continue.

“We try very hard not to, and I think we’re pretty successful at it. But you need to know that it’s possible to hurt someone without even knowing it. And sometimes one person hurts another out of self-defense, which is what I think happened with you and Revi.”

“I have never harmed her!” Seven was horrified.

“I’m not saying you did,” Janeway said gently. “But she told you that if you judged her, it would hurt. She’s afraid of that, Seven. So she made sure it couldn’t happen by preventing the relationship from becoming more emotionally intimate. If you’re not close, then you don’t have the power to hurt her.”

“You’re saying that she hurt me in order to prevent a theoretical pain that she believed I might cause her?”

Janeway and Lynne both nodded. “Believe me,” added Janeway, “hurting someone before they can hurt you is a fairly common human behavior.”

“Stupid and immature,” muttered Lynne, “but common.” Janeway shot her a quelling look, but Lynne ignored it.

“If that is indeed her reasoning,” said Seven, “it’s very illogical. I would never judge her, and I have already assured her of that.”

“Seven,” said Lynne, “remember the day you and B’Elanna and I discussed your dating project? And I said that your Borg logic was not going to apply?”

Seven nodded. “You said that dating had nothing to do with practicality.”

“Yes, well, emotions don’t have anything to do with practicality or logic either. You can’t expect Revi to always be reasonable where her emotions are concerned. And when people are afraid of being hurt, they’re the most unreasonable of all. You may have told Revi you wouldn’t judge her, but that doesn’t mean she believed you.”

Seven contemplated that for a moment. “If I view her statements and actions with the assumption that she did not believe me, they become logical. Self-preservation is one of the strongest motivating forces of any organism.” Her face grew bright with hope. “Therefore I must simply convince her of the truth. The situation is not nearly as difficult as I had thought.”

Janeway groaned internally. God, she hated to throw cold water on Seven now.

“Seven,” she said, “that’s not a good idea.” Sure enough, Seven’s face instantly settled into a wary expression.

“Please clarify.”

Choosing her words carefully, Janeway tried to explain what she instinctively knew. “Emotionally, Revi is in a very difficult place right now. She’s not ready to deal with you on that level. Even if you somehow convinced her that you would never judge her—which, in reality, you can’t guarantee—I don’t think it would help. That still doesn’t address the issue of her own feelings of being undeserving, and no one can talk her out of that but herself. Believe me, if Revi were ready to think about a more intimate relationship, she would have welcomed the knowledge that you were attracted to her. Instead, she put you off, even at the cost of hurting you, which I k