chapter 58

 

 

Kathryn arrived home from São Paulo to find Molly waiting faithfully at the door. Though she no longer jumped in a frenzy upon her owner’s arrival, her excitement was still far more than an arthritic old dog should be displaying. Kathryn knew Molly wasn’t in any pain—the medications took care of that—but the fact was, her bones and joints were ‘past their sell-by date,’ as Lynne had put it. So today, just as she did every day, Kathryn stepped through the door and immediately stooped down to hug Molly, scratch her with both hands, and generally give her enough love and attention to prevent her from bouncing too much. It worked. And if she herself had just been effectively trained to do what Molly wanted, that was okay too. It was mutually beneficial.

As she finished her love session, she became aware of the silence in the house. Normally Gretchen at least called out a hello, and if Lynne were home she always came to the door to get her own love session—usually with some snide comment about being second in line to a fuzzball, which would give Kathryn the perfect opening for her own commentary. Lynne’s love for Barney had assumed such proportions that Kathryn now dreaded anything happening to that kitten.

“Where is everyone, Molly?” she asked, hanging up her coat. “Is it just you and me? Oh wait—you and me and Barney. Bet you never thought you’d get pushed down the ladder by something that weighs less than your ear, did you?” Molly sat back on her haunches, watching alertly as she took off her boots. “So tell me, how did I beat Lynne home? Yes, I know, you don’t have any idea either. It’s past sunset in Colorado; she’d better not still be out on that mountain.” A frisson of worry went down her spine, even though she knew it was highly unlikely that anything had happened. Still, this was the first day Lynne had gone anywhere without a security escort—though in practical terms, Seven was the equivalent of an entire security team all by herself. For that matter, so was Lynne.

With Molly trailing after, she went into the kitchen to find a message on the terminal from her mother, telling anyone who got it that she was out with a friend and would be back before dinner and before Barney’s feeding time, just in case Lynne was late. “Though I don’t think he’ll need bottle feeding much longer,” she added. “That little thing ate half his body weight in kibble today, I swear.”

“Did you hear that, Molly? Your food is in imminent danger.” Kathryn went to the covered dish on the counter, lifted the lid and smiled when she saw the cookies. “I do love being home. Nope, sorry, this is not dog food. It’s…oh god, it’s oatmeal raisin. Mmm.”

She grabbed two more for good measure and ran upstairs to change out of her uniform. The moment she opened the bedroom door a small gray and black form went zipping past her legs and down the hall. “Shit! Barney, get back here!”

Of course it was just as useless to call back a kitten as it was to convince a dog that cookies were not meant for her. Which meant that by the time Kathryn came back to the room with Barney in her hands, Molly had demolished the two cookies she’d dropped on the hall table in her haste. “Molly! Dammit, those were mine!”

Molly’s ears drooped and she lowered her head, fully aware that she’d transgressed. Kathryn sighed at the pathetic display. “If you ever teach Lynne that look, I’m screwed. And you, Mister Kitten, need to keep your ass in this room until Lynne gets home. I’m not chasing you all over the house while you get yourself in trouble.” One of the things she and Lynne had both learned was that a healthy, well-fed and mobile kitten was worse than an infant child when it came to finding inappropriate things to eat, bite, poke, climb or get lost in. Molly had never been this much trouble as a puppy.

She carried Barney into the room, shut the door behind her and dumped him on the bed. “There. That’ll keep you busy for about five seconds.” The bed was still a monstrously high object for Barney, who had to find ways to climb down the comforter in order to get off. It gave her enough time to change into jeans, a silk undershirt and a sweater, at which point she turned around to find Barney hanging from the comforter by one paw and batting at Molly’s muzzle with the other. Molly snorted, shook her head, and sniffed the kitten again, earning another smack in the snout. Kathryn couldn’t help but laugh. “Serves you right for stealing my cookies,” she told her.

Lights outside alerted her to the arrival of another hovercraft, and she went to the window to see the craft circle around to the barn and vanish inside. Lynne and Seven were home, and the weight in her stomach that she’d tried not to acknowledge magically melted away. She leaned against the window, smiling as her wife and her friend came sauntering out of the barn. Lynne was saying something that involved some gesturing, and…what was she carrying? It looked like a rock. They spoke for a minute longer, then split up as Seven went down the path to the guest house and Lynne turned for the main house. Kathryn waited at the window, knowing Lynne would look up, and waved when she did a few seconds later. Lynne grinned and waved back, leaving Kathryn with a sense of warmth out of all proportion to their simple exchange.

She turned back to the room, where Barney had completed his descent and was now climbing over a patient Molly, who was lying on the floor and looking rather pleased with herself. “God, you are an attention slut,” Kathryn said, shaking her head. “You’ll even take it from a kitten. You realize that now I’ll have to tell Lynne she was right about you. Come on, fuzzball.” She scooped Barney up and opened the door. “Let’s go say hi to your mom.”

With Molly trotting after her, she headed down the stairs and into the entry hall, where Lynne had already hung her jacket on a peg and was now shucking her boots. “Hi, stranger,” she began, then got her first real look at both Lynne and the jacket. “What the hell happened to you?”

Lynne gave her a heart-melting full grin. “I went for a little hike with Seven. Hi, Barney! Let me have him.” She took Barney from Kathryn’s hands and gave her a big kiss in exchange. “How are you doing, buddy?” she asked the kitten, and Kathryn rolled her eyes.

“I’m doing fine,” she answered pointedly. “Thanks for asking.”

Lynne looked up from petting Barney and kissed her again. “I just talked to you this afternoon, so I know you’re fine. But I haven’t seen Barney since this morning.”

Kathryn resigned herself to being second fiddle. “So did you fall down a well during this hike? I thought you were skiing.”

“We were. Kathryn, it was fantastic. I had such a great time! Seven’s getting really good, I hardly even have to tell her anything anymore. All she needs is a little practice. And I finally got to complete that run, and oh my god it’s a blast. You and I have to go back up there. I think I ran it twenty-five times. I know every bump and jump on that thing now.”

“That must have been fun for Seven.”

Lynne snuggled Barney to her chest. “Seven is a good, good friend. And yes, very patient. But she said she enjoyed seeing me so happy.”

Kathryn knew exactly how Seven felt. It was a joy to see Lynne radiating happiness like this. It had been far too long. “Well, I’m really glad you got to go. But where did you go hiking?”

“Idaho Springs.” Lynne’s smile was blinding. “I found it, Kathryn! I found my parents’ house! It was unbelievable. I didn’t think I would after all this time, but Seven saw the rocks from the fireplace. If she hadn’t been there I’d have missed them; she was scanning in infrared. They were mostly buried and under shrubbery. I dug around the edges—that’s why I’m so filthy—and found the corner and god, it was just heartbreaking. Look, I brought one home.” She leaned over, put Barney on the floor and picked up a rounded rock. “This is from my house. The house I grew up in! Can you believe it?”

Kathryn looked from the rock to her wife’s animated face and tried very hard to keep her smile in place. “No, I can’t. But I’m glad you found it.”

Lynne’s face fell. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just…long day, I guess. I’m really happy for you, Lynne.”

Lynne put the rock down and reached out for her hands. “What happened after you called me?”

“I finished my interviews and came home.” Kathryn shrugged. “Nothing much.”

“I know that’s not true. Something’s wrong. Tell me.” She was so instantly concerned that Kathryn was even more determined not to say anything and ruin her moment of joy.

“I’m fine, really. Just hungry and a little tired and glad to be home. And where is Barney?”

The redirection worked. Lynne let her go and went off in search of their truant kitten, while Kathryn beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen in search of replacement cookies. She really didn’t know how to handle the emotions that had swamped her. Here, in the warmth of her mother’s kitchen, with her wife safe and happy in the house, she felt more alone than she had in years.

Needing something to keep herself busy, she pulled the coffee beans from their drawer and began the process of grinding the beans and filling the coffeemaker. As the water dripped through, she went so far as to clean the grinder, which apparently hadn’t been taken apart since before Voyager was lost. And while she had it in pieces on the counter, she heard the shower start overhead and felt utterly abandoned. Lynne had seen that she was upset, and yet she was so full of her own happiness that she’d let it go.

Molly came padding into the kitchen, sat on her feet and leaned against her. The gesture of unconditional love hit her in a particularly tender spot, and she was horrified at the tears that came to her eyes. Crouching down, she hugged her dog fiercely. “You always know when I need a hug, don’t you?” she asked. “Don’t worry, Molly, I’ll never throw you over for a kitten.”

After several minutes of holding her dog and feeling sorry for herself, she decided she’d had enough and stood up to finish cleaning the grinder. She heard the shower go off and wondered what Lynne would do next—bottle feed Barney, probably. It was about that time, which also meant that Gretchen should be getting home soon. She hoped so. With the mood she was in, the more people who were in this house, the better. Maybe she should give Seven and Revi a call and invite them over for dinner…but then, that would be assuming that Gretchen was planning to make enough for five.

Footsteps on the stairs alerted her to Lynne’s arrival, and she busied herself with reassembling the grinder. She wasn’t quite ready to face her wife yet.

But Lynne walked straight into the kitchen and leaned against the counter next to her, ducking her head and trying to meet Kathryn’s eyes. “Hi,” she said softly. “I’m clean now. I can give you a better hug if you’d like one.”

Kathryn hesitated, then dropped the part she was holding and turned into the offered embrace. “Thank you,” she whispered, tucking her nose into the warmth of Lynne’s throat. “I did need one.”

Lynne held her gently, rubbing her back with one hand, then dropped a kiss on her temple. “Please tell me what’s going on. Did someone say something nasty today? Or is this about yesterday?”

Her obvious concern was even worse than Molly’s quiet affection, and Kathryn felt her throat closing. Not trusting her voice, she simply shook her head.

Lynne’s arms tightened around her. “You’re starting to scare me. Something has really gotten you.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Kathryn managed.

“Yes it is. You’ve got coffee in the coffeemaker and no cup in sight. That’s not like you.”

Kathryn let out a choked laugh. Lynne really did know her well. The laugh and the comfort seemed to ease the constriction in her throat, and she pulled back from their embrace. “I don’t want to sound like a clingy wife,” she began.

Lynne studied her, still holding her waist. “Okay, so this is about us. Tell me.”

Kathryn took a deep breath, hating herself for saying this but knowing that she had to. “It hurts that you took Seven today and not me.”

“But I couldn’t take you today,” said Lynne in confusion. “You were in São Paulo.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. You took Seven with you to find your parent’s house. Do you know what I would have given to be there for that?” The tears rose again, and this time she couldn’t hold them back. “I have been with you through so much hell, for so long—why couldn’t you let me be with you for a little piece of heaven? Why couldn’t you wait just a few days?”

Lynne looked stricken. “Oh, god. Kathryn, I…I’m sorry. I just haven’t been able to even think about looking for that house until now, and then today I was feeling so free again, and…oh, Christ, I’m so sorry, love.” She pulled Kathryn into another embrace, holding her tightly, and from the safety of this place Kathryn let herself say the things she needed to get out.

“I hate having to be away from you. I hate the debriefings, fucking hours of explaining myself and repeating myself and explaining again, and it’s all there in my logs if they’d just take the goddamned time to watch them. And I hate the speeches and the tours because they take me away from you, and every damned day I’m waiting for someone else to pop up with a sign that says what about the ones you left behind, because I did leave them behind, and now I’m leaving you behind, and Revi too, god, she needs so much support right now and I’m not even here.” Her voice was shaking and the tears were trickling out, but she no longer cared. “And yesterday I went nine rounds with Necheyev about Gohat and Revi and what we got out of that mission, and she has the right to be angry, but I am so tired of having to justify everything I say and do! It’s like walking on goddamned eggshells; I’m on probation and everything I do gets examined with a fucking microscope, and at this point I’m not sure a pair of admiral’s bars are worth it. I’m not even sure I want to stay in Starfleet. I don’t have a life of my own and in the meantime you’re going to fucking Colorado and finding your parents’ house, and I wasn’t there!”

Lynne said nothing, simply holding her as tightly as she could and rocking her from side to side, letting her cry out her frustration and anger and most of all, her deep grief at being denied the opportunity to see the first truly joyous thing that had happened to Lynne since they’d gotten home. And when she’d purged her system and the tears had stopped, she sagged against Lynne’s body, heavy with a kind of tiredness she hadn’t felt in a while.

“Do you want to know the most amazing thing of all?” asked Lynne in a very quiet voice.

“What’s that?”

“Seven knew. That’s how much progress she’s made in recovering her humanity. She’s gone right past me. She knew you should have been there, and she asked if waiting four more days would have made that much difference. At the time I really thought it would have. Now I know I just made a huge mistake, and of all things, I should have listened to Seven on a matter of psychology.” She pulled back, smiling sadly at Kathryn and gently wiping away the last tears. “I’m sorry you feel like you’re leaving us behind. Because you’re not. Look at Seven and Revi; look at where they are now. Seven’s giving me goddamned lessons in human nature, and Revi’s so strong these days that she met her mother on her own turf and had the first real conversation they’ve ever had in their lives. Our friends are better off than they have ever been, because of you—because you refused to leave them behind. Mrs. Martin is better off today, because you gave her son back to her. She told you that. She blessed you. You and I are free today because you put together a bulletproof plan to catch an assassin, and it worked perfectly, except for me. And all of our Maquis shipmates came home today, because you fought so hard for it and you made me understand how important it was, and I’d have moved heaven and earth to make that happen as long as it was in my power. I’m so glad it was, because that was a gift I could give you. Yes, I did it for B’Elanna too, and Chakotay and the others, but the best part was knowing that I could take that burden off you. Because I know you’d never, ever have let go until it was taken care of. Kathryn, you ask so much of yourself, and you don’t seem to see what you actually accomplish. The reason they’re watching you so closely at Starfleet is because they’re thinking about making you an admiral. I mean, how amazing is that? You are a spectacular, incredible woman, and I am a total idiot for not understanding what today would have meant to you. And I am so sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry.” Now Kathryn felt just as guilty as she’d known she would. “That’s why I didn’t want to say anything. You were so happy when you came home, and now look.”

“Oh, love.” Lynne leaned in and met her with a soft, tender kiss that did wonders for Kathryn’s aching heart. When they pulled apart again, she said, “You had to tell me. Do you think I’d have stayed happy knowing that something was eating you up inside? At least now we can do something about it.”

“We can’t do anything about it. It’s done.”

Lynne shook her head. “No, it’s not. Are you up for a trip back to Colorado now? Because I want to show you something.”

“What? Sweetheart…I appreciate the thought, but it’s night. We’re not going to see anything.”

“We’ll see this. Besides, the moon is almost full.”

“I know what you’re trying to do. But it won’t be the same.”

“We’re not going to the house.”

That got her attention. “Where do you want to go?”

“Will you let me surprise you?” When Kathryn hesitated, she added, “Please. I’ve been wanting to show you this for a very long time. And I think tonight is the perfect night.”

Though she didn’t see how it could make up for the loss, she knew she had to let Lynne try. “Okay. We’ll go after dinner.”

“Thank you.” Lynne kissed her again, and Kathryn needed this touch too much to let her go any time soon. Which was why they were still kissing when Gretchen came into the kitchen.

“Good lord,” she said. “I can’t leave you two alone for a minute.”

Lynne turned, keeping an arm around Kathryn’s waist as she said, “Oh, it’s been much longer than a minute, Gretchen.”

Dinner was a quiet affair between the three of them. Phoebe was out of town, and it turned out that Revi had decided she wanted to take Seven out to eat ‘someplace fancy,’ as she’d told Kathryn upon receiving the invitation to dine with them. When Kathryn pointed out that they’d all gone someplace fancy just the night before, Revi smiled and said she’d been thinking more along the lines of a romantic meal, and any meal with Tom, B’Elanna and the Doctor attending could not be classified as romantic.

Which of course meant the dinner conversation in the Janeway house focused largely on Revi and Seven, and whether Revi was coming out of her post-interlink slump—all of which was fine with Kathryn, who wanted to stay away from the topic of Lynne’s visit to her parents’ house. If that was brought up she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep her feelings off her face, and she just didn’t have the will to explain anything to her mother right now. Fortunately, Lynne understood.

After Barney was fed—with Lynne excitedly noting that he only drank half a bottle this time—they suited up in winter clothes and hiking boots, and Lynne put together a small bag of goodies that she refused to let Kathryn see. Gretchen didn’t seem fazed when they told her they were going for a short hike in Colorado, but she did make sure they took a stasis bag of oatmeal raisin cookies with them.

At the Denver transport station, Lynne rented a hovercraft from a Bajoran woman who winked at her and said, “Back so soon?”

“I can’t stay away from this place,” Lynne answered with a smile.

Kathryn reached for her hand as they walked to the underground parking. “You do realize she was flirting with you.”

“Mm hm. And I also realize that I’m very taken.”

“You know, I kind of like it when women flirt with you,” Kathryn decided. “Because it makes it all the more sweet that I’m the one who got you.”

“I think that might be the other way around,” said Lynne.

They flew northwest out of Denver for nearly an hour, transferring from one transit beacon to another and then a third before Lynne descended, settling the hovercraft down with hardly a bump.

“You’re getting pretty good at this,” Kathryn said as they opened their doors and climbed out.

“It’s not that different from driving. Except for that third axis thing.”

“Ah, the pitch part of roll, pitch and yaw.”

“Yeah. But not having to rely on speed for lift helps a lot. Okay, here’s your headlamp. We’re going to be heading pretty steeply downward, so keep your eyes on your feet. I haven’t been here in a few hundred years and I have no idea what the trail’s like. Or if there is a trail.”

Kathryn put on her headlamp and snapped on the red light. “Did you come here today?”

“Nope.” Lynne activated her own light and shouldered the bag.

“Then how on Earth did you find it?” Kathryn looked around at the mountains surrounding the small plateau they’d landed on. The moon was well out in the open, casting a silver white glow on the snowy peaks and shining so brightly that she could see her own shadow. There were no clouds visible, and even with the moon crowding things out, the sky was still full of stars. More even than at her mother’s farm, though oddly enough there was less snow here.

“Because I know every one of those peaks. I can’t even tell you how many times I hiked out here—this was my favorite place in the world. And mountains don’t change, thank god.” She led the way off the plateau, not even hesitating at the edge. “The trail’s gone. I guess people don’t come this way anymore. Actually I think I was one of the few who did. It was kilometers from nowhere back then.”

Kathryn stayed close behind, marveling that she could find her way without a tricorder or even a trail. “It’s still kilometers from nowhere.”

“Yes, but having a hovercraft changes everything.”

“Are you sure the trail’s gone? It could be ten meters over that way and we wouldn’t see it.”

“Look out for the drop here.” Lynne stepped off a rock and kept going. “Because the trail was perfectly lined up in the notch between Black Mountain and Hartford Mountain, with Lightning Peak directly behind me. You don’t need a map or a tricorder when you know your mountains. As long as you can see them, you always know where you are.”

“But we’re in forest now,” Kathryn pointed out. “You can’t see your mountains.”

“No, but all we have to do is go down.”

“How far?”

“Until we get to the bottom.”

“Okay, I was hoping for something a little more specific.”

Lynne chuckled. “About a kilometer and a half. Twenty, twenty-five minutes.”

Sure enough, in twenty minutes the ground leveled out. Lynne continued in a more or less straight line, picking her way around boulders and the occasional fallen tree, and before long Kathryn could see the forest ahead growing lighter. Either they were coming into a clearing, or this was another plateau.

It turned out to be neither. She stepped past the last tree to see a lake stretching before her, its waters perfectly reflecting the moon and the glowing peaks surrounding it. They were in a beautiful tree-lined bowl, empty of any signs of human habitation save one small cabin on the far shore.

“Wow,” she said, turning in a circle. “This is gorgeous.”

Lynne was standing stock still, staring at the cabin across the lake. “Incredible,” she whispered. “It’s not the same one, but it’s in exactly the same place. They must have built over the old foundation.” She reached up and snapped off her light, which had become unnecessary in the moonlit basin.

Kathryn turned off her own headlamp. “Did you know the owners then?”

“No, it was a rental. When I was a girl my parents and I used to come here for weekend camping trips. Well, they called it camping. They figured if it didn’t involve their own bed and a full kitchen, it was camping.”

Kathryn smiled. “I think I’d have liked your parents.”

“You’d have loved them. And they’d have been so happy with you. They despaired of me ever finding the right one.” Lynne scanned the shore to their right and then pointed. “That’s where I wanted to be. I was off by a little bit.”

An immense boulder stood at the lake’s edge, easily the size of a house, and with a quick tug on Kathryn’s hand Lynne headed straight for it. By the time they arrived at its base, Kathryn realized that her perception had been thrown off by the lack of comparators. It was the size of a two-story house.

Lynne put a hand on the stone and looked up, her smile joyous. “Oh, I’ve missed you, my friend. You haven’t changed a bit.” She turned. “Kathryn, meet my favorite rock in the whole world. Rock, meet my beautiful wife. I’m hoping she and I will see a lot more of you.”

Kathryn laughed. Putting her own hand on the cold stone, she said, “Nice to meet you, Rock.”

Lynne covered her hand and said, “Now let me tell you why this is my favorite rock in the whole world. When I was nine years old, my parents brought me here for the first time. I was already quite a scrambler by then, and my dad bet me a whole chocolate bar that I couldn’t climb this. You have to realize, a chocolate bar out here was a big deal. The nearest store was a two-hour hike and a ninety-minute drive away.”

“Your dad lost that chocolate bar,” Kathryn said with total assurance.

“Oh yeah. He did. I scared the shit out of myself climbing this. Do you realize how big this looked to a nine-year-old kid? But I did it, and then I was on top of the whole fucking world. That’s the day my life changed. I felt a kind of happiness on top of this rock that I’d never felt before, and I’ve spent the rest of my life looking for that feeling on every mountain I’ve climbed. This is where it all started.”

Kathryn craned her neck, looking at the top of the rock and trying to imagine a nine-year-old Lynne pulling herself up its steep sides. “I’m impressed. I’m also impressed with your dad. It couldn’t have been easy standing down here and watching you. What if you fell? Was the nearest hospital in the same town as the store?”

“Oh, no, much further. And frankly I don’t think I could have done what Dad did, if I’d had a kid my age. But Dad knew I could do it. He believed in me, so I believed in myself.” Lynne took their hands off the rock and pulled Kathryn around its base. “Here’s the starting point. Ready to go up?”

“Now?” Kathryn looked at her in disbelief. “Have you noticed that it’s quite dark?”

“What’s that thing on your head?”

“Very funny. It’s still dangerous, Lynne. Artificial light doesn’t give the same depth perception as full-wavelength sunlight.”

“I’ll go first and talk you up it. You can do it.”

Kathryn looked back at the rock doubtfully, then realized what Lynne had said. “You believe in me.”

“Always.”

With her heart melting a little inside her chest, she drew Lynne’s head down for a sweet kiss. “Thank you for that.”

“Oh, you don’t have to thank me. But I’ll take all of those kisses I can get.” Lynne smiled at her. “I’ve believed in you since the moment I met you. Ever since you talked me down from my terror that you were some military spook, and convinced me to put on that biotransmitter so that I could walk out of sickbay and see for myself where I was. You were my lifeline then. You’re my lifeline now, but for much better reasons. And you’re the first person I have ever brought here.”

“I am?” She was beginning to understand now.

“Finding my parents’ house wasn’t the thing I’ve been looking forward to. In fact, I’ve been dreading the idea of looking for it because I was so sure I’d never find it. I figured it would be long gone, and I’d maybe, maybe be able to estimate where it had once stood. When Seven found those rocks, I was shocked.” She rested her hand on the boulder again. “I am so sorry that I hurt you by not taking you there. But that isn’t the place I’ve been dreaming about. This is. This rock was my touchstone. It’s where I came when I needed to think, or when I just wanted to be alone in my special place. This always felt like home to me, out of all the places I’ve been. When you and I got together, I swore that one of the first things I’d do when we got back to Earth was bring you here. And here we are.”

Kathryn looked up at her, marveling at the picture she made. Lynne looked like a goddess, standing there with her hand on the rock and the moonlight throwing the planes of her face into sharp relief. A goddess of the mountains, come down to her earthly home in a remote valley…and now sharing that home with her.

She’s never brought anyone else here.

The knowledge seeped into her heart, filling and healing the places that had been so hurt by what she’d thought was a careless disregard. This truly must have been a special place for Lynne, if she had kept it to herself her whole life.

“When were you planning to bring me here?” she asked.

Lynne smiled. “This weekend. The schedule got moved up a little bit.”

Kathryn stepped into her, wrapping her arms around her back and tucking herself into her favorite position. “Thank you, sweetheart. This is perfect, and I’m so glad you brought me here now. God, I’m sorry I fell apart on you.”

Lynne squeezed her tightly. “Don’t apologize. That was just a pressure relief valve blowing. Probably the same valve I blew yesterday—or at least part of it.”

It probably was, Kathryn realized.

“You needed it just as much as I did,” Lynne continued. “I’m just glad you let me hold you while you did it. And I’m sorry our homecoming has been so hard for you. You’re the only one of us who never got a real break, but you just need to hang on for three more days and then I will take care of you like you’ve never been taken care of before. You’re going to get tired of me coddling you.”

“I want to coddle you, too.”

“Okay. It’s a deal.” Lynne dropped a kiss on her head and added, “I need you to understand one more thing about my parents’ house. There’s nothing left of it except those rocks, and once you and I pull them all out, I have no reason to go back there. The magic there was the house, not the place itself, and the house is gone. The magic here is the place.”

Kathryn pulled back enough to look into her eyes. “I think I get it now. So you want to collect all of the rocks from your old fireplace? What will you do with them?”

“Build a new fireplace. In our new home, wherever we decide to put it.” She kissed Kathryn once more and let her go. “Come on. The view’s spectacular from up there.”

They switched their headlamps to full spectrum light, ruining their night vision but making it much safer for the climb. And Lynne was right, it wasn’t as difficult as it looked. The handholds were readily available, and only once did Kathryn need Lynne’s support. “Not fair,” she complained. “Your legs are longer.”

“Hey, I did this with nine-year-old legs.”

“And the sympathy around here is really lacking,” Kathryn grumbled, secretly smiling as she heard the laugh from above. Then Lynne pulled herself over the edge and turned, holding a hand down.

“Almost there. Just put your foot there…right, and now grab over here…” She caught Kathryn’s hand and pulled her the rest of the way, and Kathryn found herself atop a surprisingly smooth surface. She turned to look at the lake, catching her breath at the beauty of the scene. The moon was higher now, and its reflection in the lake was so brilliant that it was actually a secondary source of light in the valley. The water fairly shimmered.

“Don’t forget to turn off your headlamp,” Lynne said.

“Right.” She pulled it off her head, setting it carefully on the rock next to Lynne’s. “What are those?”

Lynne unfolded a second square of what looked like a metallic fabric and set it next to the first. “Some really cool things I found in Voyager’s database. I’m telling you, the equipment that mountain climbers have these days is amazing. These are butt warmers.”

Kathryn chuckled. “Well, I can see the advantage.”

“God, yes. And cushioned, too.” She activated the two squares, which instantly puffed up. “Here, have a seat.”

Tentatively, Kathryn lowered herself onto the cushion, then let out a happy sound when the heat seeped through her pants. “Oh my.”

Lynne sat next to her. “Ooo. Yep, they live up to their advertising. Shit, I should have taken one of these skiing with us. Poor Seven was sitting on a tarp today while I was skiing my brains out on that run.”

“She really is a good friend.”

“Yes, she is.” Lynne reached into her pack and pulled out two stasis containers. “I had originally planned to bring champagne. But…it’s a little nippy for that. So here’s your coffee.”

“You thought of everything. Hot chocolate, I take it?” she said, gesturing at the other container.

“You know it.” Lynne popped the seal and sniffed happily. “So—to special places and special people.”

They touched their cups together, and Kathryn hummed as the hot coffee slid down her throat. “Good choice, sweetheart.”

“Thank you.” Lynne put an arm around her waist, pulling her in close, and they sat in a contented silence broken only by the sounds of sipping. The view really was glorious, and Lynne had been right—it was much better from up here.

“How often did you come here?” she asked.

“It varied. Every summer when I was a kid; we always camped here. And then when I grew up…sometimes I came several times a year, sometimes I didn’t make it back for a year or two if I was really busy with traveling. I always came when shit happened, though. This place always helped me figure things out.”

“Like what?”

“Well…I came here when Casey died.”

Kathryn winced, sorry to have brought up that topic. Casey had been Lynne’s first great love, her straight best friend to whom she’d never confessed her attraction. When Casey had died in a winter car accident, it had sent Lynne into a two-month attempt to drown her grief in alcohol.

“Did it help?” she asked gently.

“Actually, this is where I put an end to the drinking. Oh my god, I forgot about that! It’s still there!” The sudden excitement in Lynne’s voice was a surprise, given the subject.

“What is?”

“The bottle! Holy shit, I can’t believe it.” Lynne laughed. “I came here with a full bottle of vodka, the last one I ever drank. I was sitting up here, drinking straight from it, thinking all the usual things about what I’d thrown away by never having the courage to tell Casey how I felt. And while I was looking over the lake I got angry, really angry, for the first time. At myself, for being such a loser. For not honoring Casey’s life. She’d have been furious with me for just stepping off the planet the way I did. That wasn’t her style, and it wasn’t mine, either. I looked at that half-empty vodka bottle and suddenly all I wanted to do was get rid of it. So I stood up and threw it into the lake. It’s the only time I have ever littered in my entire life. I had a reputation as a total hard-ass on my climbing teams for insisting that nobody could ever leave anything behind. Not even a candy wrapper. But I was drunk and angry and I needed to do something symbolic, so I threw that bottle as hard as I could. And glass doesn’t decompose.”

“Not in four hundred years, it doesn’t.” Kathryn looked out at the lake, imagining a younger, angry Lynne throwing the bottle. She could easily see it.

“Can you believe it? Do you know how guilty I felt about that afterwards? And now it feels like a message from my past. Fucking hell, Kathryn, that bottle is still in the lake.” She laughed again. “It’s like the rocks from my parents’ fireplace!”

“Does that mean you want to dig that up, too? I’m a good diver.”

“Do you know, that’s tempting. Let me think about that for awhile.”

Kathryn leaned against her, delighting in Lynne’s discovery. Suddenly she had a greater affinity for this lake, which held a link between Lynne’s past and her present.

“It’s a beautiful place,” she said. “Whoever owns that cabin is a lucky person.”

“Yes, she is.”

“She? You know the owner?” When Lynne turned a breathtaking smile on her, she connected the dots. “You’re the owner?”

“I own the whole valley, Kathryn. It’s ours.”

“When did that happen?”

“Well, it’s still in the final stages. But I asked Saator to look into it the day my Federation identity came through and I had access to my trust. Turns out the owner is a cranky old man who refused to sell because he didn’t trust any buyer not to develop the valley. I promised I wouldn’t, but that wasn’t good enough, so I had Saator draw up a legal contract to the effect that I would build no more than two dwellings, and one of them had to be on the foundation of the original. Even after I did that I wasn’t sure he’d sell. He was hemming and hawing about it. But then my interview came out on FedComm, and he realized who I was. He called and asked me why I wanted to buy, and when I told him what this valley meant to me, he said he’d sell. Actually he loved the idea of me owning it. So now we’re just waiting for the paperwork to be finalized, but for all practical purposes, we’re sitting on our land.”

“Fuck!” Kathryn swore. “And you’ve been keeping this to yourself all this time? When the hell were you going to tell me?—Oh, that’s right, this weekend.” She subsided as the full impact seeped into her brain. “I can’t believe you.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise. And I wanted it to be special.”

“Well, it certainly is that.” Kathryn gazed across the lake at the old cabin. “This is where you want to live, isn’t it?”

Lynne nodded. “But only if you think you could live here. It’s not the easiest place for you. No matter what we do, it’s going to be a thirty-minute hovercraft ride to the nearest transport station, and you’ll have to go from there to Denver and then to San Francisco. So it would be a significant commute.”

“Not if I get my promotion.”

“What?”

“Flag officer prerogative—direct Starfleet transport. My dad used to transport right out of his study.”

“Now there’s a perk!”

Kathryn nodded. “Dad only saved a ten-minute hovercraft ride, but here it would be a real advantage.”

“Do you…I mean, can you imagine yourself here? It’s a lot different from Bloomington or San Francisco. Tell me the truth, love. Because even if you don’t think you could live here, I’ll always keep this place as my retreat. We can find someplace else. Something warmer, or closer to civilization.”

Kathryn looked back at the lake, hidden in its mountain bowl, and imagined their house of dreams in place of the tiny cabin. It wasn’t difficult. “What’s it like in the summer?” she asked.

“Cooler than Bloomington, that’s for sure. But still warm enough to swim in the lake, if you’ve got the ovaries for it. Warm enough to wear shorts and a tank top. Summers are short, but not as short as they are higher up. And winters are long, but they’re beautiful. Lots of days like this, when there’s snow on the ground but the sky is clear. And oh my god, the autumns are to die for. All the aspen trees turn gold.”

“It sounds wonderful.”

Lynne nodded, waiting.

“I think I could love living here,” Kathryn decided. “And we’ll keep my apartment in San Francisco for those times when we want to escape the snow.”

“Yes!” Lynne squeezed her nearly breathless. “Thank you!”

Laughing at her enthusiasm, Kathryn said, “It’s not a hard choice. Anything that puts that expression on your face is something I want to do. Besides, I knew the first day of our ski trip that we would live somewhere in these mountains.”

“You did? How could you know that when I didn’t know that?”

“Because you didn’t see yourself, sweetheart. I did. You turned into a different woman practically the moment we stepped out of the transporter kiosk on that first high run. I’d only ever seen that woman once before.”

Lynne looked at her thoughtfully. “On Bliss, right?”

“Right.”

“Am I really that different?”

Running the backs of her fingers along Lynne’s cheek, she said softly, “You have no idea.”

Lynne caught her hand and kissed it. “You were a different woman on Bliss, too. But I’ve never seen her again, not even on the ski slope. I wonder if I could eventually find her here.”

“That woman was enjoying her first and only real vacation in seven years. She had absolutely nothing to worry about other than making you happy.” She gave Lynne a wink. “Well, that and keeping up her strength for your voracious sexual appetites.”

“Ha. As I recall, I was the one being constantly attacked.”

“Maybe you should have the Doctor check your memory engrams. They're obviously damaged.” They smiled at each other before Kathryn added, “I think it takes me longer to relax than it does you. You get into your mountains and I swear it’s instantaneous. But it takes me days to wind down. Bliss was the only chance I’ve had in a long time to actually get to that point. I’m sure that once my leave starts, I’ll get there again. And afterward I’ll have a more normal worklife, so maybe it won’t take me so long anymore.”

“So you think you might be able to come home on a Friday and put work out of your mind, just temporarily?” Lynne gestured toward the cabin. “Sit out on the front porch with a glass of wine and watch the sun set behind the mountains? Listen to the breeze in the pines and the birds having their evening chorus, and become that woman from Bliss?”

Kathryn gazed out over the lake, listening to the absolute silence of the valley. There was only the faintest breeze sighing through the pines, and of course no birdsong. But she could imagine it. She could easily imagine sitting on a wide wooden porch, wine glass in hand, watching the waters of the lake reflect the changing colors of the sky…

And then she remembered her father, and all the evenings and weekends he spent in his study, working on issues that made the skin around his eyes and mouth tight. Never leaving Starfleet behind, even though he’d taken off the uniform for the night. Never having enough time for his daughters…or his wife. All her life she had wanted to be like him. But since she’d returned home, she had been seeing him in a different light. She was beginning to understand that she had become like him, in many ways—and that she no longer wanted it. These last few weeks had pounded a new truth into her head, as the demands of Starfleet had carried her further and further away from what was truly important.

She looked back at Lynne, studying her features in the silver light of the moon. Dark eyes met hers calmly, waiting for her answer.

“I think I could,” she whispered. “But only if I know you’re somewhere in that house with me. Preferably right beside me on the porch.”

“Refilling your wine glass…” Lynne kept her own voice low.

“Taking the PADD out of my hand and telling me I can’t look at it until after breakfast…”

Lynne’s eyebrows rose. “Do you want me to do that?”

“I think I need to learn some new tricks,” Kathryn said. “I can’t live my life the way I have been. I deserve more, and so do you. And maybe having a whole valley all to ourselves is just what I need. Maybe I can find Bliss here.” She watched the smile light up Lynne’s face and added, “I think you’ll find it here. And that will make it easier for me.”

“God, I love you.” Lynne ducked down for a sweet kiss, then pulled back and held her gaze. “So that just leaves one more question to ask.”

“What’s that?”

“How important is it to you that we have the whole valley all to ourselves?”

“Well, who else—” She stopped. “Wait, you said you wrote up a contract for two dwellings.”

“Right. I, um…have a proposal to make to Seven and Revi. If you’re okay with that.”

Kathryn stared, then shook her head and laughed. “Of course I’m okay with that! I’ve been dreading the day they move out of the guest house.”

“You and me both. Honestly, I can’t even think about it. I get a sick feeling in my stomach, and that’s not an exaggeration.”

“Did they make a decision to stay on Earth, then?”

“Not that I know of. But I’ve made a decision that I want them in our lives just as close as I can get them, and if a world-class case of bribery will accomplish that, then I’m all for it.”

“That’ll be an interesting conversation.” Her smile was starting to hurt her face. “You’re going to have to get around Revi’s pride.”

“I think I can do that. I just need to present it as a favor to me. Or to you, if that doesn’t work.”

She laughed again, then touched Lynne’s nose with her fingertip. “You…are…devious.”

“I learned from the best.” Lynne grinned at her. “Besides, I asked Seven today if she thought she could live in the mountains, and she said yes. She loves the smell of the air.”

“Imagine Seven saying that a year ago,” Kathryn mused. “How far she’s come.”

“We’ve all come pretty far, I think.”

Kathryn looked out across the silver lake, now picturing two houses on the shore instead of one. Far enough apart for privacy, but close enough to stand on the porch of one and call out to the other. All the easy intimacy of their shipboard lives, here in a remote valley in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. She lifted her gaze, following the ridges of the mountains to their peaks, then upward to the dense carpet of stars blazing in the sky.

“Yes, we have,” she said. “All the way home.”

 

 

 

 

---

chapter 59

 

 

Seven trotted up the snowy steps of the guest house, eager for a shower and a quiet night with Revi. One of the disadvantages of being so far away from her was that their link had physical limitations. Though she had thoroughly enjoyed her day with Lynne, it had been a true relief to materialize in the Bloomington transport station and instantly feel their connection reassert itself. Revi had been fine in her absence—in fact, she was in higher spirits than she’d been since visiting her parents. And Seven couldn’t wait to see her.

“Honey, I’m home!” she called out, just to make Revi laugh. The instant response from the living room brought a smile to her own face as she began pulling off her boots and ski jacket.

: Learned that from Lynne, I see. :

: Yes. It’s apparently a tradition of great antiquity. :

: You had a wonderful time. : It was a statement of fact; Revi was sensing Seven’s good mood.

: You seem to have had a good day as well. : Seven hung the coat on a peg and walked around the corner to the living room, at which point her muscles instantly ceased all mobility.

Revi stood there in a red dress that fell to mid-calf, where it covered the tops of a pair of high black boots. The matching red bolero-style jacket served to emphasize her small waist, and her long hair was hanging loose, brushed and shining in the lamplight. She looked stunning, and Seven found herself barely able to think, much less speak.

Revi smiled. “Good to know I can still make you lose all mental cohesion.”

It was difficult to swallow, but Seven managed it. “You speak as if you thought that might be in question. It never was.”

The smile grew softer. “Thank you, darling. I think I needed that.” She walked up to Seven, who appreciatively sniffed the cloud of enticing scent that surrounded her. “I know it’s been a difficult few weeks for you. And I am so grateful to you for being here with me.” She tapped her head. “I’m a lucky woman. When I get trapped inside my own mind, you can come in after me and get me out. Thank you for rescuing me—again.”

Seven shook her head. “You didn’t need rescuing. You just needed comfort and safety while you were processing.”

“Ah, Troi-speak.” Revi’s eyes danced in amusement. “I missed you today. It felt wonderful to know that you were out there having fun, but…it occurred to me that I shouldn’t be relying on Kathryn and Lynne to get you out and show you a good time. I’m glad they’re doing it, but that is primarily my job. And my privilege. Seven, if you’re not too tired, would you like to go out with me tonight?”

Even if Seven had been tired, she’d have said yes. Revi in this dress and this mood was not something to be missed. “I need a shower.”

“Yes, you do.” The suggestion was very clear, both in tone of voice and mental imagery. Seven wished mightily that the guest house had a sonic shower—so much more efficient than a hydroshower, and time was of the essence.

“I’ll be ready in ten minutes,” she said. Hard as it was to turn her back on the vision before her, she exercised a mighty effort of will and left the room, taking the stairs three at a time.

After a very fast shower, she brushed out her hair and left it down, because Revi preferred it that way. It was also with Revi’s tastes in mind that she selected the dark blue dress, knowing that it made the pigmentation of her irises more noticeable. The black faux-leather blazer and boots completed her ensemble, and she raced back down the stairs, eager to see Revi again in that incredible dress.

Her partner was sitting quietly on the couch, looking out the window. As she turned her head, Seven had a sudden vision of the first time she’d ever seen her. Dirty, damaged, very near total system failure due to not regenerating for far too long—yet still calm, dignified and utterly in control of the image she presented. No one ever knew how hard Revi worked to keep up that appearance.

: No one but you, darling. Though I think by now both Kathryn and Lynne have a clue. : Revi smiled at her. : That was quite a day, wasn’t it? :

: It was the best day of my life. I just didn’t know it then. :

: Of mine, too. And I did know it. That was the day I chose to live, and you were a big part of the reason why. : Revi stood up, her dress swirling about her calves as she walked across the floor. “You look edible,” she said in a low voice.

Seven shivered at the sound. Though she treasured their mental link, much of the time she actually preferred verbal communication just for the joy of hearing Revi’s voice. The feeling was mutual, and they joked that their friends would probably be surprised to know just how often they chose to speak aloud.

“If you’d prefer to dine on me rather than dinner, I’m available,” she said.

She could feel the shock of her words as Revi’s eyes widened. “Whoa. You really know how to throw a girl off her stride.”

“It has been—” she decided not to specify the exact number of days— “too long since we made love. I miss it.”

“I know. I do too. But so much of that is in the head…”

“I understand that.” Seven reached out for her hands and drew her close. “And I don’t mean to put any pressure on you. You simply want sensual intimacy right now, and I would enjoy that very much as well. I just wanted you to know that if you did feel any inclinations toward making love, I have never lost my desire for it. Or for you. Especially the way you look right now.”

Revi drew light fingertips down the side of her jaw, then leaned in for a slow, gentle kiss. “Let’s go to dinner,” she said quietly. “And when we come home afterward, after I’ve had a whole evening to stare at you in that outfit, we’ll see what happens.”

“I agree to your conditions. However, the staring will be mutual.”

“Fair enough. Shall we go?”

Kathryn called just as they were putting on their scarves, and Seven enjoyed watching Revi say she was taking her out to a romantic dinner. Seeing her decline an invitation while giving such a straightforward reason somehow made their upcoming evening seem even more special. When Revi ended the call, the knowing smile on her face echoed Seven’s feelings.

Since they’d gone to New York City for the previous night’s celebrations, Revi wanted to do something completely different. “I want to take you to a truly romantic place,” she said as they flew to the transport station. “It’s time to start showing you more of Earth than Bloomington and San Francisco.”

“Nouvelle Orleans,” said Seven, reading the name from Revi’s thoughts. “I saw images of it in Voyager’s database. It was originally New Orleans.”

“Right. And images don’t do it justice. It’s a unique city—the only major city in the world that was entirely relocated. Towns and villages have been moved before, but Nouvelle Orleans was a whole different scale.”

“Why was it relocated?”

“Because a lot of the original city was built below sea level, and most of the rest was less than a meter above. It took an entire system of levees and pumps to keep the water out, but the infrastructure was inadequately designed. The beginning of the end was a hurricane that flooded it in the early twenty-first century—just a few years after Lynne was taken off Earth, come to think of it. Then it was flooded twice more in the same decade. After that, the government decided to invest its efforts in relocation rather than rebuilding. The whole city was moved or rebuilt from scratch, and the levees were destroyed to allow a natural ecosystem to reassert itself—which of course helped protect the new city from floods as well.”

“Sensible,” said Seven. “Though I fail to understand why it was built below sea level to begin with. Were the original designers not aware of basic fluid dynamics?”

“Certainly they were. Hence the levees.”

Seven shook her head. There were aspects to humanity that she would never fathom.

The transport station in Nouvelle Orleans was located on the shore of Lake Ponchartrain, so that the first thing new arrivals saw when they emerged was the vast lake stretching southward. As they stood on an observation platform, Revi pointed across the lake and said, “That’s where New Orleans used to be.”

Seven consulted the map that was considerately provided for visitors. “That’s insane,” she said in disbelief. “It’s a marsh!”

“It is now.”

“And most of it was before the city was built, as well.” Seven was reading in fascination. “The marshes were drained to create land for building, which caused subsidence. They sank their own city.”

“And then pumped the water out. It wasn’t just here, Seven. People did that all over the world. Remind me to take you on a tour of the levee system in the Netherlands. Oh, and you’ll love Venice.” Revi chuckled. “That one will blow your practical mind.”

Seven was warmed by the idea of touring around the world, seeing the things Revi thought would interest her. : Six months will not be enough. :

Revi gave her a slow, loving smile, then pulled her close and kissed her with a passion she had not shown since the night they’d made love in the ski lodge. : A lifetime will not be enough. :

They walked to the city center, hand in hand, enjoying the warm air and the busy nightlife. Nouvelle Orleans had a very different energy from what Seven had felt in New York City the night before, and she decided she liked it. There seemed to be a great deal of general well-being in the people they met, as if the residents here enjoyed their lives and saw no need to hide it. Quite the contrary, in fact—some of them seemed to be flaunting it. It was one such person who helped them choose their restaurant. As they walked past on the sidewalk, a woman at an outdoor table was moaning so happily over her food that it sounded positively sexual. Seven and Revi stopped, looked at each other, and by mutual agreement turned sharply left and went through the door.

Shortly after their first appetizer arrived—a freshly grilled baguette cut in half and topped with shrimp, sweet onions, Havarti cheese and some spices Seven couldn’t identify—they knew exactly why that woman had moaned.

“Oh gods,” said Revi, her eyes closed as she chewed. “This is fantastic. You have to make this at home.”

“If it puts that expression on your face, I’ll make it every night.” Seven didn’t want Revi to feel obligated by her rising desire, but it was impossible to look at the beauty of her companion and not feel the stirrings of arousal. Revi with her eyes shut, her lips glistening from the rich sauce, her face flushed from the warmth of the restaurant…suddenly Seven understood exactly why sex and food were so closely tied in Human culture. She only wondered why she’d never made the connection before.

Revi opened her eyes and smiled across the table at her. “Hold those thoughts,” she murmured. “I’m feeling the same things, you know I am.”

“I do know. The only thing I’m uncertain about is whether you want to act on them. And I never want to pressure you.”

“This is going to sound counterintuitive, but sometimes a little bit of pressure at the right time is just what I need.”

Seven stared as Revi raised an eyebrow and took a slow, deliberate bite of her food. Her eyes were riveted to Revi’s lips, which were now curving in a very knowing smile. Shaking her head, she lifted her water glass and tried to cool herself down in the only way she could, short of walking back to the lake and diving in.

They eventually settled into normal conversation and a superlative meal, which came in the form of a steady supply of courses as both of them tried different starters, salads, main dishes and finally, desserts. Revi said that one could not go to Nouvelle Orleans and not get crème brûlée, and Seven had to try the three berry cheesecake. They traded bites back and forth, making sounds not unlike the woman whose vocal enjoyment had brought them in here, and by the time Revi paid the bill, Seven was wishing they could simply go to bed now. The mood was perfect, Revi was relaxed and ready, and she had a feeling that by the time they transported back to Bloomington and drove home, this wonderful glow would be lost.

Revi thanked their waiter and rose. : We don’t have to go home, darling. :

: We don’t? :

With a low laugh that attracted the admiring gazes of two men at the table they were passing, Revi said, “They have hotels in Nouvelle Orleans, you know.” She suddenly stopped, walked back to the men who were still looking at them, and said, “Tell me, if you were going to make love to a beautiful woman and wanted to take her to the best place in town, where would you go?”

Seven was amused by the instant and obvious physiological reactions the question provoked. The two men stammered before one of them managed to say, “I’d take her to Le Duc.”

“Thank you.” Revi smiled at them before turning and reaching for Seven’s hand. “Shall we go to Le Duc, then?”

Seven nodded, unable to stop her own beaming smile. Revi could have said it mentally, but she’d wanted the men to hear her. She’d wanted to advertise the fact that she was taking Seven to bed. And for Seven, such public pride was an even more effective aphrodisiac than the rest of the night so far.

Le Duc turned out to be a short cab ride away, and there was a suite available on the eighth floor. Revi registered her thumbprint and wasted no time pulling Seven by the hand across the airy lobby, without pausing to admire the artwork, architecture, or any other tasteful aspect of the hotel which would normally have engaged her. Despite the city lights visible through the transparent wall of the lift, they spent the ride simply staring at each other, letting the tension build.

By the time they made it through the door of their suite, Seven wouldn’t have cared if it were the Taj Mahal or the most humble shack on the planet. She had eyes only for the vision of Revi, standing in the middle of the suite, slowly dropping her jacket off her arms and tossing it over the nearest chair. The dress was sleeveless, and though the Borg arm might have been a jarring sight for others, to Seven it was simply part of the woman she loved. It had certainly brought her a great deal of pleasure over the course of their relationship—there were things Revi could do with her arm and clamp that an organic hand would never be capable of.

She let her own jacket slide down her arms, stood there for a moment simply holding it in one hand, and then tossed it atop Revi’s. “So you wanted two complete strangers to know you’re making love to me.”

“Yes, I did. And don’t tell me you didn’t find that to be a turn-on.” Revi stepped up to her and drew her fingertips up one arm. “You were proud of it.”

“Of course I was. You were the most beautiful woman in that restaurant. They wanted you. But they can’t have you, because you…want…me.” She punctuated her last words with nibbles to Revi’s throat, then ended by tasting her lips in a kiss that, while soft, nevertheless sent her arousal soaring. When they pulled apart she was already thinking of the things she wanted to do, none of which passed the test of what was appropriate for Revi tonight. Her partner was just now emerging from a period of emotional trauma, and Seven would never do anything to damage or hinder that process.

“Seven?” Revi’s voice was throaty.

“What?”

“Don’t treat me like an omega molecule that might destabilize at any moment. I’m not that fragile. And tonight, I really don’t want you to hold back.” She sent a series of images down the link that almost exactly mirrored what Seven had been thinking just a few seconds before. “Make me lose control,” she whispered.

As Seven met her in a far deeper kiss, it occurred to her that the omega molecule was not fragile at all. It was the most powerful molecule in the universe, and the Borg had sought it for as long as they had been aware of it. Yet they had never stabilized it, never harnessed it, and the few attempts to do so had failed, resulting in catastrophic destruction to both normal and subspace.

But she had stabilized it on Voyager. For three point two seconds, she had seen what the Collective was trying to capture: absolute power, in a matrix so lovely it had hurt her to look at it.

Revi had not meant it that way. But her analogy was perfect.

 

 

 

 

---

chapter 60

 

 

Alison woke to the sound of whispering. As she hovered in the gray space between sleeping and waking, she tried to put the words together, but none of it made any sense. Soft lips touched her temple, her cheek, her jaw, and she smiled in a sleepy haze.

“You are so lovely.” This time she made out the words, whispered so softly that they were hardly more than a breath. “So beautiful, my Alison…”

She shifted, wanting to open her eyes but not quite there yet. The lips moved to her shoulder, then nibbled their way down her spine. “You have the most perfect back…”

Past her spine now, and onto some very sensitive skin. Then down further yet, and a gentle hand pushed on her bent knee. “Move your leg, honey.”

At last she came out of her haze, and the realization of who was whispering—and what she was saying—sent a flood of arousal through her system. “Elise?”

The hand became more insistent. “Come on.”

She was lying on her stomach, with one leg partially drawn up. This was the leg Elise was urging her to move, but wouldn’t it be better if she just rolled over? She shifted her arm and began to push up, only to be stopped with a hand on her back. “No,” Elise murmured. “I want you like this.”

Now she was wide awake, her body instantly thrumming with tension. Silently she moved her leg, opening herself up in a manner that felt far more vulnerable than what she’d done before. Did Elise know what she was asking?

“Perfect,” came the satisfied response. “Oh, yes.”

The first touch of Elise’s tongue sent a sharp shock through her, making her jump. She turned her head, burying her face into the duvet. This was so intimate as to be almost painful.

Elise was slow, deliberate, and extremely gentle, and Alison was soon rocking her hips, trying to press upward, asking silently for more. God, it felt so different this time. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t look up, couldn’t break out of this space she was in. All she could do was feel, and the sensations were overwhelming. Elise was holding her effortlessly captive.

The first sound she made was a small cry of unhappiness when Elise pulled away, leaving her throbbing painfully. She turned her head then, trying to see what was happening, but her position made it impossible. The sense of vulnerability was uncomfortable and extremely arousing all at the same time.

“Don’t worry,” Elise murmured. “We’re not done yet.” Even as she spoke the last word, her fingers were sliding inside.

“Oh, God.” Alison closed her eyes, her hips rising of their own accord. The sense of Elise inside her was shaking her to the very foundation, and she didn’t know why. Was it the position? The fact that she’d been asleep when it started? The time of night, when secretive things happened in the dark? The one thing she knew for sure was that right now, she was not herself. She had given up control before she’d even been aware of it.

Elise was as slow and deliberate now as she’d been before, pressing deeply inside and pausing before pulling nearly all the way out. Alison was moaning with pleasure, her fingers digging into the duvet, wanting her to speed up yet unwilling—or perhaps unable—to ask for it. But Elise seemed to know.

“You want more, don’t you?” she whispered.

Her words unlocked Alison’s will. “Yes.”

“Tell me.”

For a moment she couldn’t. Strange, when she had been so perfectly clear about her wishes before. But this felt so different in every way, and her voice simply wasn’t there.

“Tell me, Alison.”

It was almost hypnotic. She had never said it to anyone before. But she said it now.

“I want you to take me.”

She felt Elise shifting in place, a hand pressed into the mattress beside her head…and a sudden suction on her throat sent her straight into the stratosphere. Even as she cried out from the unexpected sensation, Elise took her, just as she’d asked.

It was overwhelming, a total assault on her senses, and she was lost. She heard herself vocalizing with every stroke and wondered how long she’d been doing it. Her body was not her own, it was simply reacting, and she was merely along for the ride. A ride driven with absolute assurance by Elise, who pushed her right to the edge of her tolerance.

Just before it became too much, Elise stopped everything, and the shock of that was a whole different kind of arousing. Alison cried out again, trembling with desire, no longer knowing what she wanted. She simply couldn’t think.

“Alison.” Elise’s lips were right next to her ear. “I want you to come. But I can’t do it this way.”

“You…you want me to roll over?”

“No. I want you to take care of yourself.”

“Christ…”

“Just like you did before. That was the most erotic thing I have ever seen in my life, and I want you to do it again. But this time I’ll help you.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Her body was still shaking, and her arms were made of lead.

“You can.”

Elise moved inside her, sending her body into a tiny spasm. She was so far gone already, and yet she wasn’t even close to orgasm. Elise had taken her to a whole new place.

With a superhuman effort, she raised her hips and slid her hand down, finding herself swollen and wet. She pushed further still, reaching for and touching Elise’s hand.

Elise gasped. “Alison…” With a groan of pure arousal, she came back down and began sucking on Alison’s neck once again. Her fingers slid deeper in, then out, and began pumping once more, not quite so rapidly as before but with enough force to rock Alison’s body with every impact.

Alison kept her hand where it was, wanting to feel Elise, but soon she retreated just far enough to begin stroking herself. She was so sensitized at first that it almost hurt, but as it wore off she increased the speed and pressure, needing her release with a sudden desperation that had her biting her lip. Elise never let up, not for a moment, and the combined sensations pushed Alison rapidly toward the edge, closer and closer, whimpering now in her frantic need. She almost wept with gratitude when the blessed tingling started in her legs. It moved slowly at first, then rushed upward, hitting her hard enough to wrench a loud cry from her throat. Her body folded in on itself as she shook, and when the orgasm finally ended she stayed in that position, feeling more raw and vulnerable than she could quite handle at the moment.

Elise pulled out, bracing herself on either side of her and kissing her across the shoulders and upper back. “You are so beautiful,” she murmured. “Thank you for giving that to me.” When Alison didn’t respond, she lowered herself to the mattress and tugged gently at her shoulders. “Come here. Let me hold you.”

How did she know? Alison uncurled, rolled to her side and tucked her face into Elise’s throat, needing the protection while she gathered the pieces of herself together. For long minutes Elise simply stroked her back, her arm, her hair; letting her find her own way and giving her a comforting space in which to do it.

At last Alison pulled her head back and looked at her. Elise gave her a reassuring smile. “Are you all right?”

She nodded. “But that was…intense.”

“Yes, it was. I’m still recovering from it.”

“You are?”

“You were so beautiful, and so giving, that you broke my heart. It almost made me cry.”

She wasn’t kidding; Alison could see the emotion in her face. “I’ve never done that before,” she said. “Not like that. I don’t think I could have.”

“I think that’s why it broke my heart,” whispered Elise.

Alison reached out to stroke her cheek, feeling a surge of protectiveness as Elise turned her head into the caress. The pure strength of their emotional dynamic was breathtaking. Elise had held her in the palm of her hand. She had been utterly in control. And now she had not only given it up with perfect ease, but was opening her heart as well, letting Alison see how deeply their connection had affected her.

“Remember when I said this was out of my comfort zone?” asked Alison.

“Yes.”

“I changed my mind. I seem to be more comfortable with you than I ever thought I could be with anyone. I don’t understand it, but…I’m not going to question it, either.”

Elise caught her hand and kissed the palm. “I think you should question it,” she said. “Question it until you get all the answers you need. Question it until you know it’s real.”

“Is it?”

“God, Alison, that felt more real to me than anything I’ve felt in my life. You said you wanted the truth from me? Well, there it is. This is absolutely real to me.”

Alison shook her head, dumbfounded by the trust that had just been laid in her hands. But when she looked up again, she realized that Elise was misinterpreting the motion. She had already drawn back, was already closing off, and Alison couldn’t bear the sight of it.

“Elise, no, I wasn’t denying what you said.” She reclaimed the hand that had held hers a moment before. “I’m just…you amaze me. You’ve got so much strength. You’re risking so much, and it awes me.”

Elise wasn’t convinced. “It’s not much of a risk when you don’t have anything left to lose.”

It was almost flippant, a false bravado that betrayed exactly how much she still had to lose, and how terrified she was of it. Alison simply could not let her stand in that space alone. She took a deep breath, let it out, and said, “I promised the truth to you, too. So here it is, for better or worse. I’m falling for you. I don’t know how far it’s going to go, but it’s already farther than I’ve ever been. And it scares the shit out of me, because I don’t see how it can happen this quickly, but it is.”

It hung between them in a moment of pure fear for Alison. Elise was staring at her incredulously, but she couldn’t tell if that was good or bad—until the most glorious smile she had ever seen lit up the room, and she was pulled into an embrace.

“Thank you for telling me that.” Elise’s voice caught. “I feel the same way. Thank God we’re both on that page, because it’s a hell of a place to be by yourself.”

“I know.” Alison burrowed happily into the embrace. “Believe me, I know.”

Elise loosened her grip, seeking her out for a sweet kiss that Alison never wanted to end. This was heaven on earth, and they had both earned it by taking a chance. They deserved to soak it up for awhile.

“That’s it,” she said when they finally broke apart. “There is no fucking way I’m going to work tomorrow.”

Elise laughed. “Calling in sick, are you?”

“Well, I have heard it called the sickness of love.”

“And to think I was sure I’d been vaccinated.”

“Thought you were immune?” Alison could relate to that.

“Oh, yes. Right up until the moment you wouldn’t accept my advances last Saturday. Then I realized I wasn’t immune at all.”

“You just weren’t used to rejection,” Alison teased.

Elise shook her head. “I just wasn’t used to having a rejection matter.”

The serious response immediately brought Alison down from her light manner. “You do know that wasn’t really a rejection, right?”

“Intellectually, yes. But it felt like it. Especially after I made that recording and fell apart on everyone. I started to feel like I had no place in this club, you know? And I am nobody’s charity case,” she finished firmly.

“Oh good God. As if it were even possible. I don’t do that kind of charity anyway.”

“Of course you do. Look at how you took care of me for three days. We weren’t lovers when you brought me home, and that clearly wasn’t your intent.”

“No, but I wouldn’t have taken just anyone home with me for three days, either. I took you because…” She paused, trying to determine exactly when it was that Elise had come to mean so much to her.

“Because?”

“Because you touched something inside me, and I knew that much before I knew how or when or why. I’m just trying to think when it started, and…I think it was that night in my office, when Commander Tuvok was healing your nose.”

Elise snorted. “Oh, that’s the image I want you to remember. You have no idea how humiliating that was. If I could surgically remove that memory from my brain, I would. And yours, too.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I wouldn’t let anyone take that from me even at the point of a phaser.” At the look of surprise, she added, “That’s the night I saw you in a whole different way. And I’m not talking about the embarrassing aspect. You looked at me while Commander Tuvok was using the regenerator and you had…I don’t know, it was almost a kind of grace. You were bleeding and hurt and scared, but you just looked at me with a…a calm acceptance, and it really got me. I couldn’t get you out of my mind after that.”

Elise had gone still, and her face was shuttered. After a moment of silence she said, “Grace? You thought I had grace? That’s exactly what you said I didn’t have. When you tore me a new asshole, which was right after Commander Tuvok healed my nose. What the hell? How can you say that?”

Alison groaned internally. If she’d been thinking with more than half of her brain, she’d have seen that one a kilometer away and kept herself from stepping right into it. Taking Elise’s hand, she squeezed it and said, “I was angry and I spoke without thinking, and I’ve already apologized for it, but if you want me to do it again, I will.”

Elise shook her head. “No, that’s not necessary. I just don’t understand what you’re saying. It sounds like you tore me apart for not having something that you saw in me just a few minutes before. Which is not to say I didn’t deserve it, because I did, but I’m more confused now than ever.”

“Agghh.” Alison let her head drop to the pillow. “God I am fucking this up.” She propped herself back up again and said, “I’m sorry. I’m really not good at these kinds of conversations when someone has just turned me inside out with a soul-shattering lovemaking session.” That earned her a small smile, though Elise still wasn’t at ease, and she searched for a way to explain. “Okay. Let me try to tell you what I saw. You got yourself into a bad situation, and scared the shit out of both of us, and you knew you might just have thrown away your reputation. I saw it in your eyes. You knew I could tell that story far and wide and you’d never recover from it.”

“I knew.” It was almost a whisper.

“Right. But you didn’t say a word. You just looked at me, almost like you were accepting a judgment. It went right through me. I think that was the moment I made a connection with you.”

“And you can go from that to the kind of anger you showed me not two minutes later? Fuck!” There was real fear in her face, as if she were questioning what she’d gotten herself into, and Alison felt the hole she was in growing deeper by the second.

“That wasn’t exactly a normal situation,” she said, forcing her voice to stay calm. “And you don’t know the history behind it. You don’t know that the day those Cardassians went after Lynne at the ski resort, she and Kathryn and Revi and Seven all came straight here because, just like you said, I was the only one who knew where they were. Lynne thought I’d betrayed her. They walked in my house and Lynne pressed me up against my own goddamned living room wall and I honestly thought she might hurt me. It’s a good thing I didn’t know then what I know now, or I’d probably have wet myself.”

Elise’s eyes were wide. “No, I didn’t know! So she came straight here after killing three Cardassians? And I’ll bet she was furious.”

“Actually it was more like icy cold, which was even more frightening than if she’d been overtly angry. It was like she was waiting for me to give her an excuse to let herself go.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“I was pretty shocked. I’d been on their side all this time, and my reward was to be threatened in my own living room by the very woman I was trying to protect.”

“Okay, now I want to have a talk with her,” Elise announced, and Alison smiled.

“You’ll have to get in line behind my aunt. But don’t bother, Lynne and I had that out already. Anyway, the point is that after going through all that, five days later I got the exact same suspicion from you. Lynne came into my house to accuse me, and you broke into my office to find evidence against me. I made a connection with you, yes, but when you told me why you were there, I just snapped. I’d had it with everyone suspecting me of doing exactly what I had been fighting against for a year.”

Elise nodded. “All right. That makes sense. It still scares me a little bit, because believe me when I tell you that you really know how to hurt a person when you’re angry.”

Alison suddenly remembered Lynne looking at her in the lobby of the Presidential Office, tears rising to her eyes because of the cruel question Alison had asked in her anger. She had never thought about herself in this way, but maybe it was something she needed to consider.

“I’m sorry. All I can say is that I’m usually much better at controlling it. Have you ever seen me lose it in a board meeting? And we’ve had some pretty intense ones.”

“Yes, we have, and you’re totally in control even when you’re angry, but that’s professional. It’s completely different from the personal.”

“Not for me, it isn’t. The principles of acceptable behavior are the same.”

Elise looked at her in silence, then exhaled softly. “I’ll just have to trust you on that one. Just—be careful with me, okay? You have my heart and I’ve never given it before, and it’s not a very comfortable feeling.”

“I know it’s not. We’re on the same page, remember? And you’re not the only nervous one in the room. I’m still scared that once you get your feet under yourself again, you may not feel the same way about me as you do now.” She hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but Elise’s total openness was making her respond in kind.

“That’s difficult to imagine. Don’t forget that I was already pursuing you before Mom was arrested. I didn’t suddenly develop an attraction because you took me home. And yes, it’s true that it didn’t start turning into something else until my world fell apart, but I honestly don’t believe that’s the cause. If anything, I should have been more cautious after that, not less.”

She had a point, and Alison felt a sudden surge of affection. “I guess I’ll just have to trust you on that one.”

Elise smiled. “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? Maybe you came along just in time for me.”

I hope so. Suddenly it wasn’t enough to simply lie beside her. She nudged Elise onto her back and climbed on top, enjoying the access to previously unreachable parts of her face and throat. The moon had risen over the peaks, its silver light pouring through the wall of windows and clearly outlining the beauty of Elise’s face. After a flurry of kisses Alison raised her head and simply gazed at her, mesmerized by the way her eyes were almost glowing.

“You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen,” she said.

“Thank you. And thank you for waiting until now to say it.”

“You hear that a lot, don’t you?”

She nodded. “Usually as part of the seduction. But I don’t think you’re after me for my looks.”

“Or your money, or your connections.” Alison ran a light finger down her throat, ending by pressing her palm to the chest just beneath her own. It was the same gesture Elise had used in the kitchen what seemed like half a lifetime ago, and she saw the recognition in her face. “I’m after you for Elise,” she whispered.

With a small sound Elise wrapped her up and squeezed her tightly—but not before Alison saw the tear slip down her face, shining in the moonlight.

 

 

 

 

---

chapter 61

 

 

Dhara looked at the electronic card in her hand one more time, checking it against the number on the door in front of her. Yes, this was the place. She put the card back into her purse, took a deep breath, and pressed the entrance chime.

The door opened immediately, revealing a woman Revi’s age, with long, dark, curly hair and almost black eyes. She offered Dhara a friendly smile. “You must be Dhara Sandovhar.”

“Yes, I’m Revi’s mother.”

The woman held out her hand. “I’m Deanna Troi. I’m so glad you could be here today. Please, come inside.”

Dhara shook her hand and allowed herself to be escorted into the room. It was more comfortable than she’d expected, considering it was at Starfleet Headquarters. “Do I call you Counselor Troi?”

“If you want. When I’m counseling Starfleet clients, they usually prefer to use that title because they’re used to titles. But I’m perfectly happy for you to call me Deanna. It’s your choice.”

“I think…I’d prefer to call you Counselor Troi.” Deanna seemed far too intimate for this woman in a commander’s uniform. And Revi called her by her title.

“Then Counselor Troi it is. May I call you Dhara, or would you prefer Ms. Sandovhar?”

“Dhara is fine.”

“All right then, the formalities are officially over. Have a seat, anywhere you’d like. Can I get you something from the replicator?” she asked, walking toward the dispenser on the far wall.

“No, thank you,” said Dhara, looking over her seating options. The couch was too big for one person, so she chose one of the armchairs and sat, straight-backed and ill at ease, waiting for this ‘session’ to begin.

Troi ordered a glass of water and carried it back over. Setting it on the coffee table, she sat comfortably in the other armchair. “If you’d like something at any time, just let me know. Talking can be thirsty work. Revi told you that I’m empathic, yes?”

“Yes, she did.”

“Do you have any issues with that? I won’t assume that your agreement to this appointment means you don’t.”

“I can’t say that I find it entirely comfortable, but I can certainly see the advantages in your line of work.”

Troi nodded. “There are a lot of advantages, yes. And may I just say that I admire your willingness to come here despite feeling a little uncomfortable around an empath. It says a great deal about what you hope to accomplish, and how much you’re willing to do to get there. Even when it’s not comfortable or easy.”

She hadn’t expected that, and it made her feel a little more at ease. Troi realized that this was hard for her.

Well, of course Troi knew that. She was an empath. Dhara shook her head; this was going to take some getting used to. At least in her link with Revi, the emotional understanding had gone both ways.

“I would also like to give you my condolences for your loss,” Troi continued. That brought Dhara’s head up.

“My loss?” Perhaps the counselor had mixed up her files. “I think you may have some wrong information. I haven’t lost anyone.”

“In a way, you have. You lost the husband you thought you had, didn’t you? And you lost the childhood you thought Revi had.”

Dhara stared in shock. She really did understand.

“It’s been very difficult,” she finally answered. “I don’t know how to talk to my husband. And I barely know how to talk to my daughter. I came here because Revi said that you could help both of us, but I understand that your first loyalty will be to her.”

“No. This is very important for you to understand. My first loyalty is to the truth. And sometimes your truth might be a little different from Revi’s. I will do my utmost to help you, and for me there’s no conflict between helping you and helping Revi. But there’s something I think you should know. Had you come to me on your own and asked for my counseling services, I would almost certainly have referred you to a colleague. Because in that instance, my loyalty would have been to Revi, in that she came to me first, and I could probably not have been an effective counselor for her once I had informed her that I was seeing you as well. But because Revi called me and asked for this herself, I’m free to put that concern aside.”

“I understand that.”

“Do you understand what it means that Revi asked me to help you?”

Dhara shrugged. She had no ready answer, and was already feeling a little overwhelmed.

“It means she’s looking past her own pain and seeing yours. And that is a very good sign of progress.”

“It is?” Suddenly she had a point of focus. Revi was making progress?

Before Troi could answer, the door chime rang. Troi rose, leaving Dhara nervously wishing she’d asked for a glass of water after all. Her mouth was suddenly very dry, and she wished she hadn’t chosen the chair with its back to the door.

“Good morning, Counselor.”

She closed her eyes at the sound of her daughter’s voice, her nervousness increasing.

“Good morning. You’re right on time. Internal chronometer?” Dhara heard footsteps entering the room, and the swish of the door closing.

“Of course.” A pause. “Hello, Mother.”

Such a change in tone between the way she’d addressed Troi and the way she was speaking now. Dhara opened her eyes and turned her head to see her daughter walking toward her.

“Good morning,” she managed.

“Revi, do you want anything?”

“Just the usual vodka, please.”

Troi laughed as she walked to the replicator. “One hot chocolate coming up.”

Revi settled onto the couch and gazed at Dhara across the coffee table. “I’m really glad you could come, Mother. I think we both need this.”

Dhara nodded, her throat even more dry now. She looked over at Troi, who was just now pulling a mug from the replicator. “Counselor Troi…may I have a glass of water as well?”

“Of course.” Troi put in the request, then walked back with her hands full. “Here you go,” she said, handing the clear glass to Dhara. “And my special program hot chocolate.”

They both thanked her, then fell into a mutual silence as Troi took her own seat. Apparently unaffected, Troi said, “I was just telling Dhara that your invitation to her was a sign of significant progress.”

“Well, I don’t know about significant,” said Revi.

“Certainly it is. When we’re hurting very badly, we tend to curl up and protect ourselves, and we just don’t have the ability to see anything else. But you’ve uncurled a little bit, and now you’re seeing Dhara. Well enough to understand that she is also hurting because of this.”

Revi met Dhara’s eyes. “Yes,” she said quietly. “It’s pretty hard to miss now.”

“Dhara, I want you to know that this was not my idea. Revi proposed this, and I agreed for a number of reasons. But what I think might be most important for you to realize is that Revi asked for this because she wants to help you. Think about that for a minute: your daughter wants to help you.”

Dhara looked back at Revi. “She’s always been like that. From the time she was a child. She was so sensitive to the moods of everyone around her, and she always wanted to cheer people up if they were down. Especially me. Well, until…” She trailed off, unable to complete the sentence, watching as Revi hid her face by sipping her hot chocolate. “I keep thinking about all the signs and clues that I missed,” she said. “Looking back at it now, I realize that I did see them, I just found other explanations for them. Revi stopped trying to cheer me up when she entered her teen years. I thought it was just typical teenage self-centeredness. But I forgot that she was not a typical teenager. I should have known there was another reason.”

“You’re looking back at this with perfect hindsight,” said Troi. “You may not have been as blind as you think. And you had a powerful reason not to give credence to the possibility of abuse. You had a husband you believed in and trusted. You should have been able to depend on that trust, just as Revi should have been able to depend on her trust in her father. Both of you have had your trust violated, and that’s a very difficult thing to deal with.”

Dhara felt the tears pricking the backs of her eyes. They were never far off these days. “It makes me wonder how much of my marriage has been a lie. He lied about the single most important thing in our lives—our child. How could he? That’s the one thing I most want to know. How could he do that to her? I don’t understand it. And I can’t ask him, because he won’t even acknowledge that it happened. So I keep going over it and over it, trying to put the pieces together, and I’m driving myself insane with it. Every piece I do put together just hurts me that much more. Do you know what Revi told me when we met earlier this week?”

Troi shook her head, and Revi looked apprehensive.

“She said the reason she never let me see her wounds was because she didn’t want either of us to know how much it mattered to her. She said that Nishad could beat her, but he couldn’t break her. He couldn’t break her. Gods, I don’t think I will ever get those words out of my mind. And yesterday I had the most horrifying realization. I was remembering some of the times when Nishad and I talked after he had…after…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud.

“After he beat her?” asked Troi in a neutral tone.

She nodded, focusing on the counselor, unable to look at her daughter’s face. “And I remembered how he would say that she was too willful, and we had to break her of that before it set in and became a lifelong characteristic. It’s such an ordinary term, isn’t it? I heard parents say that about their children all the time—‘we have to break her of that habit.’ But yesterday I realized…Nishad meant that. He wasn’t speaking metaphorically, like other parents. He really was trying to break her. And Revi…oh gods…” She had to look at her then, and their eyes locked. “She wouldn’t let him. There was a battle going on in my house, between my husband and my daughter, and I didn’t see it.”

Revi’s gaze sharpened, though Dhara couldn’t read the expression on her face.

“Would it be accurate to say that Nishad sees himself as the authority figure in your family?” asked Troi.

A sardonic smile appeared on Revi’s lips as she looked over at Troi. “Oh yes. That would be extremely accurate. He saw himself as the captain of a very small, very tightly-run ship. Both Mother and I were supposed to take orders. I wasn’t as good at it as she was.”

The sarcasm hurt, but there was little Dhara could say to it.

“Dhara, how often did you challenge his authority?”

Startled to be asked the question, it took her a moment to respond. “Directly? Almost never. That’s not how I was raised. And I know that Revi thinks less of me because of it. But the one thing she never realized is that there are ways to deal with a spouse other than direct confrontation. If something is important to me, I usually get it one way or another. I’m just more subtle about it. Revi tackles things head on, and could never understand why that didn’t work with Nishad.”

Now Revi’s expression had closed off, and Dhara knew what she was thinking just as clearly as if they’d been in that interlink.

“You said you almost never challenged him. Which means that there have been times when you did. How did he react to those events?”

It was easier to look at Troi. “He always gets angry. Always. Which is the main reason why I always worked around him.”

Troi nodded. “How many of the arguments between him and Revi do you think came about because she ‘tackled things head on,’ as you put it?”

“Most of them...maybe all of them. Do you know, they used to have fun with each other. He adored her and she would do anything to make him proud of her. But when she got older—maybe eleven, definitely by the time she was twelve—all that ended. She started questioning the things he said, and talking back to him, and their relationship was never the same.”

“So in that sense, she did become a typical teenager. Questioning authority is one of the psychological hallmarks of that phase of growth.”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

“I think perhaps you have the answer to your question, then. You said you want to know how Nishad could do that to Revi. Based on what she has told me, and what you’ve just said, it sounds as if Nishad never learned to handle challenges to his authority without feeling threatened by them. And a typical response to threat is anger. Revi entered a normal teenage phase of questioning authority. But what most parents would see as a phase, Nishad saw as a threat. He responded with a level of anger that was inappropriate for a parent, but in his mind appropriate to that threat. I believe you’re correct, Dhara. He was trying to break her. He was trying to force her back to her earlier growth phase, when her primary goal was pleasing him rather than challenging him.”

Dhara was dazed by this interpretation. She needed time to think about it, to reexamine their family history against this template. But one thing became instantly clear. “If that’s true, then he’ll never acknowledge what happened. Because he’ll never see it as inappropriate.”

“I can’t say that. I have no knowledge of him. People do mature and change, sometimes much later in life than we would expect or prefer. Perhaps he understands now that what he did was wrong, but he’s too ashamed to acknowledge it.”

Dhara shook her head, even as she heard the snort from Revi. Troi’s suggestion was generous, but she knew Nishad. His anger had been a constant throughout their entire marriage.

“How do I live with him if he won’t acknowledge this?” It was the question she’d been asking herself every day.

Troi looked at her sympathetically. “We’ll talk about that. You will need to decide what you can and cannot live with. But it’s only been a few days since you confronted him with your knowledge. Things may change.”

She doubted that. “Will things change with Revi?”

“Dhara, look at where you are and why you’re here. Things are already changing with Revi. She’s an extremely strong woman. And she’s reaching out to you.”

“I know,” said Dhara, meeting her daughter’s eyes again. She thought of all the times Revi had argued with Nishad, refusing to accept his orders or arguments, demanding reason and evidence—and for so many of those years, she had argued with him knowing that she ran a terrible risk. She had paid the price over and over, and still she would not back down. Had she thought her daughter willful? It wasn’t even remotely the right word for her strength of will. And Nishad had never given in, either. “It’s ironic, really,” she added. “She hates her father now, but they’re alike in so many ways. She got her strength from him.”

“The hell I did,” said Revi. “Maybe he beat it into me, but he sure didn’t show me by example.”

“I agree with Revi, though I wouldn’t state it quite that way,” said Troi. “Any man who feels threatened by his child, and who resorts to abuse to save his sense of authority and power, is not strong. Abuse is almost invariably committed by the weak of mind.”

Suddenly Dhara remembered Revi’s last words to her after their interlink. Father will always be a coward, won’t he?

“If Revi inherited her strength from one of her parents,” Troi continued, “she inherited it from you.”

Both of them looked at Troi in disbelief. “I’m not strong,” Dhara said.

“Of course you are. You defied a belief system you’ve held for most of your life in order to link with Revi. You defied your husband as well, knowing that you were breaking one of his core beliefs. In that link, you put yourself into a situation completely beyond your experience, and in which you had every reason to be afraid of the possible results. Those don’t sound like the actions of a weak woman to me.”

“But…that’s not…I only did those things because of Revi.”

“Mother, that’s not true. You did those things because you wanted to prove to me that Father loves me. You didn’t do it for me or for you, you did it for him.”

“No. That’s not the only reason. It’s not even the main reason. You needed me. You didn’t know it, and maybe you never will, but a mother can see that in her child. You needed both of us, but Nishad would never have met you halfway. So I did.”

“You did what you had to,” said Troi.

“Yes!”

“And why would neither of you see that as a sign of strength? You could have let Revi walk away from your house and never come back. It would have been much easier for you. Certainly it would have been easier on your marriage.”

“But then she would have been gone forever. I’ve already lost her once; I won’t lose her again. I don’t care about the rest. Well, I do, gods, it’s been so hard, but…she’s more important.”

Revi stared at her in shock. “I am?”

“How can you not know this, even after our interlink? You are my daughter. I love you!”

“I know that! But that doesn’t translate to what you just said.”

“What?” Dhara threw her hands up in frustration. “Yes it does! How much clearer can I be?”

“Dhara,” said Troi in a very calm voice, “Let me see if I understand you correctly. Are you saying that Revi’s well-being is more important to you than the consequences that the truth is having on your marriage?”

“I…” Dhara stopped, suddenly overwhelmed by the memory of Revi on the sidewalk outside their house, tears rolling down her face as she’d shouted, Stop defending him! Just once in your life, defend me! Just once!

She looked at Troi, her own tears beginning to overflow. “I never thought I’d have to choose. But I have, haven’t I? I defended her, for once in my life, and my marriage is falling apart because of it. And I could fix that—all I have to do is go to Nishad and apologize, and tell him I was wrong and it will never come up again. That’s what he needs. But I can’t give it to him. I can’t bury the truth. Not now that I know it.” For the first time, she noticed the box of tissues strategically placed on the coffee table. Pulling one out, she dabbed at her cheeks and said, “Revi, if your well-being wasn’t more important to me than anything else in the world, I’d be home making up with Nishad right now. But if I do that, I’ll lose you. I hate the fact that I have to choose. I shouldn’t have to! Don’t you see how hard this is?”

Revi seemed to be on the verge of tears as well. “I guess I never thought of it that way.”

“What way?”

“That you would have to choose. I mean…” she gestured helplessly. “I did. I wanted you to choose me. But I guess I never really thought that through, what that would mean for you on the other end.”

“It means my family is falling apart.” Dhara’s voice shook as she tried to hold it all back. “I was so happy when you came home, gods, I thought the sun was shining in our lives at last. All those years I thought you were dead, and then I learned you were alive but you might never come home, and then there you were, standing on the front step like a gift from all the gods above and below us. For about five minutes I thought we would be a whole family again. And now it’s all coming apart.”

“Mother…” Revi’s voice was strained as well. “I’m not saying this to be cruel, really I’m not—but our family fell apart twenty-five years ago. You’re only realizing it now.”

Dhara closed her eyes and held the tissue against them with both hands.

“Perhaps that’s something you can consider, Revi,” said Troi. “You’ve long since accepted the loss of your family—at least, your family as you wanted it to be. But for Dhara, this loss is brand new. She’s in the first stage, where the pain is at its sharpest. She could use your support.”

“Yes,” said Revi in a softer tone. “I know that now. And I’m starting to figure something else out, too.”

Dhara raised her head, meeting her daughter’s eyes and waiting for the next wounding thing she would say. But Revi’s expression was sympathetic, even sorrowful.

“He hurt both of us, Mother. But the blows are just now landing on you.”

 

 

 

 

---

chapter 62

 

 

This time it was Alison who woke first. Given the level of light in the room, she knew it was far past her normal rising time—but then again, she hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. Thank God she’d had the strength of will to drag herself out of bed earlier and leave that message for Matthew. He would already have gotten it by now, and the word would be out at the Foundation that she wasn’t coming in. Which meant that she could lie here and bask in the bliss of a day off, a warm bed, and a new lover.

She stretched luxuriously, wincing at a few sore muscles, and scooted closer to Elise. In the full morning light streaming through the windows, Elise looked even more beautiful than before. Her face was more relaxed than Alison had ever seen it, and her normally impeccable hair was just mussed enough to qualify as adorable, though Alison wasn’t sure she would appreciate such a characterization.

They had finally managed to crawl under the covers after their middle-of-the-night lovemaking session, but since Alison hadn’t remembered to turn down the environmental controls, both of them were quite warm. She soon discovered that the only thing better than Elise’s breasts in the middle of the night were her breasts in the sleepy warmth of morning. They were wonderfully scented and so soft, and she guiltily enjoyed the pleasure of caressing them without direct involvement from their owner.

Elise shifted, her hair falling across her face as she turned her head, and Alison stopped to watch. God in heaven, how had she ever gotten so lucky? This woman took her breath away, and she ached with a fullness of emotion that seemed too much for her heart to hold. Gently she tucked the hair back behind Elise’s ear, caressing her cheek before pushing herself upward and dropping a soft kiss there. “Now I understand why you were whispering to me last night,” she breathed, moving her lips to Elise’s jaw and kissing her again. “You couldn’t keep it inside, could you? It’s like emotion under pressure, pushing its way out.”

She kissed a line down Elise’s throat, then returned to the warm breasts that were beckoning. “You have the most perfect breasts…I’m sorry, but I can’t help myself.”

As she took a soft, sleepy nipple into her mouth, Elise shifted again. “Why are you apologizing?” she mumbled.

Alison gently released the nipple and planted a tender kiss on it. “Well, it does feel a bit like I’m taking advantage.”

“Mmm. Please do, it feels nice.”

Having been given free license, Alison happily availed herself of it, enjoying the quiet sounds Elise made as her breasts were lovingly handled. Eventually a hand began stroking her back, and with some reluctance Alison dropped a final farewell kiss and raised her head. “Good morning.”

“It is a good morning.” Elise smiled up at her. “Can I put in a request to be woken up this way every day?”

“Every day we wake up together, yes. Assuming I don’t have to scramble out of bed and get to work.”

Elise caressed the side of her face. “You’re even gorgeous first thing in the morning.”

“Funny, that’s just what I was thinking about you.” She noticed that Elise’s gaze had fixed itself on her throat. “What? Do I have marks?”

“Oh, honey, you have quite a few of them.” A rather self-satisfied smile settled on Elise’s lips. “I was apparently a bit of a bear last night. For which I can’t find the slightest shred of regret.”

“Neither can I.” Alison didn’t quite know how to tell her what last night had meant to her. If even half the rumors she’d heard about Elise were true, this woman had far more experience than she did—and she hadn’t exactly been a nun. So how did one say thank you for the fantastic sex without sounding like every other lover the morning after?

“Last night was spectacular,” said Elise, taking the decision right out of her hands. “It changes things a lot when there’s real emotion involved.”

“You’ve never felt real emotion for any of your lovers? I don’t believe that.”

“For a few, yes, but not like this. I told you—I’ve never given my heart away before. Did you think that would change by the light of day?”

“Not exactly. I guess I’m still…nervous, maybe. And a bit incredulous. Give me a little time, it’s only been a few hours.”

“I’m hoping we have a lot of time.”

“Me too. Elise…” She hesitated.

“What?”

“Thank you for trusting me.” It was the best way she could express her feelings.

Elise caressed her face once more, a sweet smile lighting her own. “You make it easy. Thank you for trusting me. You’re taking a leap of faith too.”

“Not as big as yours.”

“You’re referring to Mom, aren’t you?”

Alison wasn’t sure if she’d stepped in it or not. “I just meant—”

“That I shouldn’t be trusting you because of her? Alison, please. That’s not how it works. Having one person fail my trust doesn’t mean I automatically expect everyone else in the world to follow. And I especially don’t expect it of you.”

Yes, but that ‘one person’ happened to be your mother. “Why not?” she asked.

“Because you’ve already proven yourself. That’s one of the things that first attracted me to you. My only worry is that your feelings might change, and if that happens, well—there’s not much you can do about it, is there? But at least I know you’ll tell me the truth. And I think that’s all any of us can ask for.”

“Jesus. When did you get so enlightened?”

“When I learned the hard way that life happens whether you know about it or not. I’d rather know. I think what’s hurting me more than anything else about Mom is the sheer shock of it. I had no idea.”

Alison recognized a fellow logical mind at work. Elise was finding ways to explain and categorize her emotions as a means of dealing with them. It wouldn’t help to point out that even if she had known about her mother’s activities, she would have been just as horrified.

“Well, at least Melanie came through in the end,” she said. “If she hadn’t given you that communication code, this still wouldn’t be over.”

“It isn’t over for me. Or for Mom. But I’m very glad it is for Lynne and Kathryn.” She frowned. “There’s one thing that’s been bothering me about that, though.”

“What’s that?”

“They told us that Lynne would be on the Tagus. They lied to us. It wasn’t Lynne, it was their Doctor. So why did they feel it necessary to keep that little tidbit to themselves? Because of me? I mean, I couldn’t blame them for not trusting me, but…that’s still a little hard to handle.”

Alison shook her head. “Take it from the niece of an admiral. That wasn’t personal, and it wasn’t aimed at you. That was a Starfleet captain laying down a strategic plan and making sure that nobody outside the inner circle had a clue. Lynne said that even the captain of the Tagus had no idea. Kathryn probably wouldn’t have told my Aunt Alynna if she hadn’t been a direct supervisor.”

Elise considered that. “You’re sure?”

“Oh yes. Aunt Alynna and I play the ‘need to know’ game all the time. There are things I have to keep confidential from her because of my job, and a lot of things she has to keep confidential from me because of hers. You should have seen us dancing around our obligations when we were trying to deal with my suspicions about Voyager.”

“I can imagine.” Elise suddenly seemed subdued. “You know what? Much as I’m enjoying snuggling with you, I really need a shower. If you’ll let me borrow that very attractive fuzzy robe of yours, I’ll run out to the hovercraft and get my overnight bag.”

Alison was disappointed; she’d been looking forward to more snuggling than this. But then again, they’d been pretty active the night before. “Wouldn’t you like a little breakfast first?”

She shook her head. “I’d rather shower first and eat after.”

“Okay. The robe is on the hook there by the door.”

“Thanks.” Elise leaned in for a soft kiss, then sidled away, threw the covers back and walked across the room. Alison watched in frank appreciation, barely managing to keep her eyeballs in her head as Elise reached up for the robe. But she was caught a moment later when Elise pulled on the robe and turned, a knowing grin spreading across her face. “See anything you like?”

“I see everything I like,” said Alison honestly.

“Oh…” Tightening the belt, Elise came straight back to the bed. “That deserves a kiss.” She leaned down and took her time, ravaging Alison’s mouth thoroughly before pulling back and smiling at her. “Thank you.”

“Oh, no,” said Alison. “Thank you.”

Elise turned and was gone a moment later, leaving Alison to flop happily back in the warm bed and relive that last kiss. Eventually she heard Elise’s footsteps on the front porch, then had a sudden thought. Sitting up in bed, she scanned the floor of the room. Yes, there were Elise’s boots. A quick glance showed her own slippers were absent, though, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Hope they fit her.

She burrowed back under the covers, appreciating the warmth even more while imagining Elise out there in the brisk air of a Colorado morning. Too bad she hadn’t brought her bag in last night. But then, they’d never really had time.

The footsteps came back up the porch, and Alison tingled as she waited for Elise’s reappearance. There she was on the stairs…now she was coming down the hall…She frowned as the guest bathroom door slid shut. What?

When the water turned on, she sat bolt upright and threw the covers back. Why the hell wasn’t Elise using the master bath?

She never has, and you didn’t tell her to. She probably feels more comfortable in the guest bath.

All right, then. It was time for her shower, too.

She opened the bathroom door and stopped, frozen by the sight of the body behind the shower wall. “Elise?” The first attempt came out as little more than a croak. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Elise!”

Elise poked her head around the edge of the wall, her hair slicked back as she wiped water from her face. “What?”

Alison was surprised her legs were still holding her up, given the weakness that had just swept through her muscles at this dèjá vu. “Jesus Christ, you are a fantasy,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.”

“Do you mind if I join you?” she managed in a louder voice.

“Not at all. Please do.” Elise smiled at her and vanished again. But this time Alison had the right to follow. A few steps took her past the boundary of politeness and around the wall, where Elise was already soaping up her body. Which was truly a wasted opportunity.

“May I?” she asked, holding her hand out for the scrubber.

Elise handed it over and stood quietly as Alison began the process of making sure that not a square centimeter of skin went untouched. Of course Elise’s breasts probably didn’t need nearly that amount of soaping, but one could never be too careful.

“Turn around,” she said, and held her breath as Elise obligingly turned, bracing her hands on the wall and dropping her head as Alison began working on the flawless plane of her back. “Lovely,” Alison murmured. “You really are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”

Elise didn’t respond, but Alison hardly noticed as she dropped to her knees to take care of Elise’s legs. She nudged them apart a bit more, slowly drawing the scrubber up and down their length, then let it fall to the tile and used her hand to gently clean the most delicate area of all. She would have loved to stay there and take advantage of the position, but the soap had to go first. Rising to her feet, she wrapped her arms around Elise and squeezed. “Okay, honey, you can rinse.”

Elise straightened, holding Alison’s hands on her stomach and leaning back into her. “Did you just call me honey?”

Surprised, Alison let out a short laugh. “I guess I did. Must have picked that up from you.”

Elise patted her arms, a signal for release, and stepped under the water to rinse. As she turned in place, Alison openly ogled, not even remotely embarrassed when Elise stopped, hands on hips, and waited for her to drag her eyes back up to her face.

“Be careful you don’t injure your jaw,” she said, putting a finger under Alison’s chin and gently pushing upward.

“Hey, it wasn’t open that far. But I do have a very good reason for it.” Alison shivered a little. “Can we trade places?”

“Sure.” Elise scooped the scrubber from the tiles and made room for Alison, who yelped as the water hit her stomach.

“Aghh! Fuck, that’s hot!”

“Sorry,” said Elise, not looking sorry at all. “I like my showers toasty.”

“You like your showers boiling! Jesus!” Alison had to turn it down a little. “Ohh, much better. Good Christ, I don’t know how you have any skin left.” She turned under the stream, absorbing the now-tolerable heat with enjoyment.

“My turn,” said Elise, putting a hand on her shoulder to stop her movement. She started on Alison’s arms and shoulders, then got a bit sidetracked on her breasts.

“Those aren’t all that dirty,” Alison said.

“Neither were mine,” Elise pointed out without looking up. But she did eventually move lower, soaping up her stomach, flanks and sides as Alison basked in the attention. Then she held out the scrubber. “Here, hold this, will you?”

Alison took it automatically, surprised when Elise instantly covered both breasts with her hands and took full advantage of their soapy slipperiness. “Oh, that feels—whoa!” Elise was gently pinching her nipples, and the response was instant. “Don’t do that if you don’t want to start something.”

“Have we actually finished?” But Elise took pity on her, retrieving the scrubber and finishing her cleaning job. As Alison rinsed off, Elise shampooed her hair, and they traded places once again. Alison had less pity than Elise, however, and simply could not keep her hands off the breasts that were being presented to her as Elise leaned back into the water.

“Alison!” But Elise could do nothing, not while she was trying to keep rinsewater out of her eyes, and Alison pushed it as far as she could take it. Elise straightened, wiped her eyes, and glared. “All right, you asked for it.”

Alison backed away, laughing, but there was nowhere to go. Elise grabbed her, spun her around and yanked her back against her body, one arm across her chest and the other reaching down. Alison’s mirth swiftly changed to arousal as she was held in place by the fingers on her nipple and the pressure of Elise’s arms, and Elise wasted no time at all. In bare moments Alison’s hips were rocking. She leaned back against the body behind her, feeling deliciously trapped and loved.

“You realize that was a bad idea, don’t you?” Elise said into her ear.

“Looks like it worked out…pretty well…to me,” Alison managed. She held onto Elise’s arm, her head going back as the arousal climbed. “God, Elise…”

“Yes?”

“Don’t let me go,” Alison whispered.

Elise kissed the side of her throat. “I won’t,” she promised.

Alison bit her bottom lip, incapable of any further conversation as she gave herself over to the pleasure Elise seemed to bring so easily. And when she came, crying out as her body thrashed, Elise held her tightly, driving her straight through it until she couldn’t handle any more.

“Okay! Okay! Stop!” Alison slumped, breathing hard. “Oh God. I can’t stand up.” She really couldn’t; her legs were just too rubbery.

Elise lowered them both to the tiles, where Alison knelt with a sigh of relief, resting her shoulder and head against the wall. It wasn’t even remotely comfortable, but at the moment she was incapable of going anywhere else.

“Are you all right?” Elise sounded a little concerned.

Alison nodded. “I just need to sit for a minute.”

“Okay.” Elise kissed her neck, caressing her arm and leg. “Don’t attack me unless you’re willing to pay the price.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Alison knelt for another half minute or so, then straightened as the strength finally returned to her limbs.

“Getting up?” Elise put her hands on Alison’s sides. “Come on.”

As soon as they stood, Alison turned into her, holding her tightly. “I really didn’t expect that.”

“You should have.”

“I can see that. You’re not one to be messed with, are you?”

“I’d think you would have figured that out a long time ago. You’ve known me for seven years.”

“Seven wasted years, if you ask me.”

Elise froze, then pulled away and looked into her eyes. “I think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

This kiss had a sweetness to it that Alison wanted to hold forever. But when they separated, Elise said, “Not that I’m running out on you, but I think I’m starting to prune.”

“All right. I still have to shampoo. I’ll see you later?”

Elise nodded, kissed her again, then sidled past her and left the shower. Alison wasn’t very efficient at shampooing, since she was rather distracted by the glimpses of Elise drying off. But when the bathroom door slid open and shut again, she sighed and got back to business.

Elise was already dressed when she arrived in the bedroom, looking very casual in her jeans and sweater and presenting a tempting view as she bent over the overnight bag on the floor. She straightened, a sonic dehumidifier in her hand, and smiled at the sight of Alison in her towel. “Nice,” she said. “I think you should wear that all day.”

“And freeze my ass off? No thanks.” Alison went to the armoire and began pulling out clothes.

“Can I request the Starfleet underwear?”

Chuckling, Alison said, “No. Those are special occasion only.”

“This isn’t a special occasion?”

She turned, her arms full of clothes, and watched as Elise pulled the dehumidifier through her hair. “This is a very special occasion. But I was thinking more along the lines of a birthday. You can do that without using a mirror?”

Elise looked from the dehumidifier to her. “You can’t?”

“Well, I can, but I’m usually sorry. If I don’t get the part in the right place, bad things happen.”

“Ah. I guess my hair is more forgiving.”

“That’s because your hair is more straight. And soft,” she added a little dreamily. Elise smiled as she resumed her task, and Alison carried her clothes over to the bed. She dropped the towel, reached for the underwear, and looked up to find Elise staring. “Ah ah,” she warned, raising a hand. “Stay where you are. I’m sensitive.”

“What? I’m just watching you.”

“Right. Then keep watching.” Of course, Elise did exactly that, making Alison just a little selfconscious as she drew on her underwear and picked up the bra.

“You’re not really putting that on, are you? At home? On a day off?”

“Yes, and you know why? Because I’m a little sore after being repeatedly attacked by a certain bear in this room. I don’t want anything rubbing.”

“Oh. Well, I’d apologize for that, except that it would be a lie.” Elise made one more pass with the dehumidifier, deactivated it and dropped it into her bag. Walking over, she sat on the edge of the bed as Alison reached for her jeans and drew them on. “Can you stop right there? Because you in jeans and a bra is just about the sexiest thing walking. It’s even better than the towel.”

“Sorry.” Alison smiled at the crestfallen look on her face. “But you really are good for a person’s self-esteem.” She pulled the undershirt over her head, tucked it in, and fastened the jeans. “Ahh. Much warmer now.” The alpaca wool sweater came next, and Elise reached out to feel the fabric.

“I bet I know what this is.”

“I bet you’re right.”

“From your mom’s herd?”

“No, this one’s from a neighbor’s herd. Mom gave her my measurements and asked her to knit it in exchange for stud services. The barter system is alive and well over there.”

“So this sweater was paid for by sperm.”

Alison laughed then, surprised and delighted by this glimpse of a rather earthy sense of humor that Elise normally kept under wraps. “Exactly! You know, I think my mom would like you.”

“Not your dad?” The question was asked lightly, but Alison could see something else in her eyes.

“My dad would love you. You have the sort of logical mind he appreciates. My mom would appreciate your humor.” It occurred to her that there wasn’t really a question of her impressing Elise’s mother. Melanie was not going to be a central part of Elise’s social life for many years, and though the woman had well earned her incarceration, she wasn’t the only one paying the price. “What about your dad?” she asked, trying to redirect their conversation. “Is he in the picture?”

“Not really. He and Mom severed their marital contract when I was ten. Turned out he just wanted to be a Hamilton, not a husband or father.”

Another piece of Elise’s personality clicked into place. No wonder she’d played the field so long. “I’m sorry to hear that. He sounds like an ass.”

“Eh.” Elise shrugged. “That was a long time ago. He doesn’t know what he gave up.”

“No, he certainly doesn’t. Did he even try to keep in touch?”

“For a little while. When I was a teenager I lived for his weekends. But then he found another wife—a wealthy one, imagine that—and we kind of got dropped off the plate. Stephen still talks to him now and again. I don’t.”

“So…sorry if I’m being presumptuous here, but…would I be right in thinking that Brian became your father figure?”

Elise gave her a wry smile. “That’s not presumptuous, it’s obvious. Uncle Brian’s been there for me. My dad wasn’t. Which reminds me…” She groaned. “I really need to talk to him. And Aunt Catarina. God, I’m not looking forward to this.”

“You haven’t talked to him yet? Elise, he was worried sick about you when we were working on the statement, and that was five days ago!”

“He knows where I am. I’ve left him messages keeping him up to date and letting him know I’m okay. Give me a little credit, Alison. My mom might be in prison, but she managed to teach me a few manners before she went.”

“I’m sorry.” Whoa, she’d really overstepped. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Which way did you mean it?” Elise didn’t seem to be angry, but the even stare she was directing at Alison meant a full explanation was due right now.

“I just…” What the hell had she meant? “I don’t know. I just know that if I were him and hadn’t been hearing from you, I’d be pulling my hair out.”

“He doesn’t have that much that he can spare,” said Elise, and the gentle humor relieved Alison far more than it should have. “But I don’t think you need to worry about not hearing from me. After all, I came to you in the first place.”

“Why did you?” asked Alison. “I really have been wondering about that. Not that I’m complaining, because I’m very, very…” She leaned over and kissed a line up Elise’s throat, punctuating each kiss with another word— “…very, very, very, very glad that you did.” By now Elise was chuckling, and Alison smiled as she straightened. “But I am curious,” she finished. “You didn’t know me that well.”

“Maybe I knew you better than you realize. You shared a lot about yourself the night that I brought the pad thai over. Not so much in the details of what you said, but in what they revealed about you. And I knew from the night I broke into your office that you had a pretty caring heart. You took care of me that night even though you were furious with me.”

“I wasn’t furious with you all that night,” protested Alison. “Just for a few minutes.”

Elise raised an eyebrow. “Okay. The point being that you could look past that and still feel compassion. And you understood exactly what was going on. I needed all those things, and I needed your level head. Aunt Catarina didn’t know about any of this until after Lynne got her FedComm ID, and I’m not sure how much Uncle Brian actually told her. My guess is he never mentioned the part about the three of us being under suspicion for attempted murder. So I think there was probably some drama going on in that house, and the last thing I needed was more drama.”

That made sense. “Well, I’ll just be grateful to my level head, then, if that’s what brought you to me. Do you want to call them now? You can use my office. I’ll head downstairs.”

“I do want to call them—well, no, I don’t want to, but I have to—but I need breakfast first. I’m a little starved.”

“So am I, now that you mention it.” She sat down and pulled on her socks. “How about Spanish omelettes? Handmade?”

“Handmade? You cook?”

“Not very often. But I’m kind of in the mood for it now.” She slipped her feet into her shoes and fastened them. “After all, I have the whole day off and no emergencies. And a very beautiful, and starving, woman in my house.”

“Sounds fantastic.”

Elise was thrilled to discover Alison’s stash of fresh orange juice, happily drinking down two full glasses while Alison replicated the ingredients for their breakfast and began chopping and dicing. They didn’t talk much, but the atmosphere in the kitchen was easy and comfortable, and for all her practicality and real-world sensibility, Alison couldn’t help but imagine a scene like this taking place every weekend morning for a long time to come. As she heated the sliced vegetables and began mixing the eggs, Elise leaned against the counter and simply watched with a contented expression that looked very good on her.

“I really do need to take care of those marks,” she said eventually.

“Hm? Oh, the bear bites?”

Elise nodded. “Where’s your dermal regenerator?”

“In the master bath. Which, by the way, is what you should use from now on. Look in the top right drawer.”

“Got it.” She pushed off from the counter and vanished, leaving Alison to contemplate the idea of a future when Elise would never have to ask where anything was.

She had combined the ingredients and poured the omelette in the pan by the time Elise returned. “Perfect timing,” she said, carrying the mixing bowl and utensils to the replicator for sterilization. “Let me just take care of these. We’ve got about fifteen minutes before I have to turn the omelette. It takes that long for the potatoes to cook through.”

Pulling the now-clean items from the replicator, she put them away and then leaned against the counter, lifting her chin while Elise held the humming regenerator to her throat.

“You know,” said Elise conversationally, “part of me wants to leave these intact. I think there’s more bear inside me than I ever realized. I actually like seeing these on your throat.”

“Possessive much?”

“Never. Not until today, apparently.”

“Well, we’re still on the same page, then. Because before today I’d have been angry with anyone who said what you just did. But there’s a part of me that wouldn’t mind leaving these marks intact.”

Elise turned off the regenerator. “Really?”

God, her eyes were beautiful, especially this close. “Really.”

After a heavy pause, Elise said, “Then I’m leaving this last one. Because every time I look at it I remember exactly how it felt to put it there, and how you moved underneath me when I did.”

Alison closed her eyes. “Jesus Christ. Don’t make me have to take another shower.”

“Is that all it takes?” Elise’s voice was low, and Alison shivered a little.

“With you, apparently so. Could we talk about politics now?”

Elise laughed, and the moment came to a merciful end. But as Alison turned back to check the omelette, she couldn’t help her satisfied smile. So Elise was possessive for the first time in her life? Good to know.

They did end up talking about politics, which of course led to President Gutierrez’ speech and the Council vote on amnesty. Elise wanted to know if Gutierrez and Kathryn had planned his appearance at her speech in Geneva, and was surprised to learn that Kathryn hadn’t known a thing about it. “But—wait a minute,” she said, her brow furrowed. “When we called Lynne that night, you said you’d been there for the negotiations. I thought that meant you went with Kathryn. Which, now that I think about it, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Who did you go with?”

Oh shit. Alison hadn’t considered how to explain this to Elise, or even if she should. Lynne had never given her permission to. But damn, she should have seen this one coming. Of course, she had been a little preoccupied with other things…

“Alison?”

She hesitated a moment longer, then said the only thing she could. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can answer that.”

“What, it’s a state secret who negotiated that amnesty?” Elise’s frown intensified. “Hold on. Why were you even involved unless it had something to do with the Foundation? And I’m not your aunt, there’s nothing you can’t tell me about Foundation interests. Unless…”

Alison watched the realization come over her face and braced herself.

“…Lynne? It was Lynne? It was, wasn’t it? But how? What the hell kind of influence could she possibly…oh, for God’s sake. I can’t believe it.” She sat back in her chair with a thump, looking at Alison with wide eyes. “That’s why she didn’t reverse the mission.”

Alison said nothing, but Elise didn’t need her to. She was putting it all together.

“So that whole speech about wanting to make informed choices and asking for input on other funding directions from the board…that was all bullshit. She was just playing for time so that she could use the Foundation as a negotiating tool—the biggest possible prize she could dangle in front of Gutierrez. Who clearly jumped like a kangaroo to her bidding.” She was still staring at Alison, who was frozen in place, waiting to see how bad the fallout would be. To her surprise, Elise shook her head and chuckled. “Well, fuck me. Who would ever have guessed our innocent little cousin from the past would play such hardball? And you told me that she needed protection? From what? God, you need to hang a warning sign on that woman.” She paused, looking more closely at Alison, and chuckled again. “You look like you could use a drink already. Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone else on the board. I’ll let Lynne do that.”

“Jesus.” Alison didn’t know how tense she’d been until her body suddenly deflated. “I thought you’d be upset.”

“Well, I think it was a pretty heavy-handed maneuver, especially for someone who didn’t know what she was messing with. But no, I’m not upset. Impressed, maybe, but not upset.”

“She knew exactly what she was messing with, Elise. Don’t underestimate her. Take that as advice from someone who did and learned her lesson.”

“Are you going to tell me the story?”

“About learning my lesson?”

“No, about meeting with Gutierrez. Because I’d have given my left tit to be there for that. Gutierrez being taken down by some tender newbie that he figured was an easy mark? I bet he thought he’d have her for dinner and dessert. Though, come to think of it, I want the story about learning your lesson, too.”

“Oh, look at that. Time to turn the omelette.” Alison got up to the musical sound of Elise’s laughter.

“That won’t work! I’m just going to sit here and wait.”

Alison flipped the omelette and turned around, enjoying the sight of Elise smiling up at her. “You’re going to wait a long time.”

“That’s all right. I have nowhere I have to be.” Elise crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the chair, the very picture of relaxed anticipation.

“Yes, you do,” said Alison. “Right here.”

 

 

 

 

book 12 | Forward Motion main page